Question: In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population i...
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The number of people travelling from countrysidesthe countryside toward capitalsand big cities around the world is on the rise. This trend is causing problems tofor rural areas as well as bringing out drawbacks for cities, which both require careful considerationsconsideration. However., the negative aspects of this migratingmigration pattern deserve careful attentionsattention, which I will elaborate on this issue in the following essay.
On the one hand, as village settlers move to mega cities, the population of manpower in those remote areas will drop significantly, which havehas negative effects on both industries and local residents. The first Firstand foremost, in terms of the industrial facet, the companies in such places encounter a lack of sufficient workforce because the prominent workers have travelled to big cities for better job prospectprospects and achievingto achieve higher income. In this context, employers are obliged to pay higher wages to adept workerworkers for commuting long distances from other adjacent towns, which has a direct detrimental influence on the domestic economy. AdditionalyAdditionally, not only would this trend pose a threat to organisations, but locals also locals have to face the consequences of this menace. For example, if a person wants to repair an impared impairedequipment in his or her house in those remote regions, he or she will have to bring in an expert from another citiescity within athe country, which is costly and a daunting job, undoubtedly.
On the flip side, as a result of the growing population rate in destination cities, consequences including poorer air-quality, a polluted environment, and a lack of decent jobs for city dwellers are inevitable. As an illustration, the more citizens are working, the more fossil fuel is needed to operate both private and public transport vehicles, which considerably contributes to polluting weatherthe atmosphere and environments as well, because of emitingemitting a high amount of Carbon-carbon dioxide and exhaust fumes. On top of that, as long as demandsthe demand for jobs areis escalating in overcrowded capital cities, unemployementthe unemployment rate will surge assuredly, that which requires immediate measurementsmeasures in order to stop the rot,; otherwise, negative outcomes become impossible to mend.
In conclusion, as indicated above, travellingthe movement of people from rural areas to urban ones is considered an undesired process whichthat has multi-faceted demerits for both environments, likesuch as increasing unemployment figurefigures in megalopolismegalopolises coupled with decreasingthe number of workforceworkers in remote regions. I firmly believe this pattern is the last thing every nation wants.
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Task Achievement
Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the negative aspects of rural to urban migration. However, it could be improved by explicitly stating whether the development is overall positive or negative in the introduction.
Development of Ideas: The essay provides a clear argument against the migration trend, supported by examples and explanations. However, it could benefit from a more balanced view by briefly acknowledging any potential positive aspects of urban migration.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organization: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the issue.
Cohesion: Transition words and phrases are used effectively to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the transition between the introduction and the first body paragraph could be smoother.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some sophisticated word choices such as "detrimental influence," "daunting job," and "multi-faceted demerits."
Word Choice: There are minor issues with word choice, such as "emiting" which should be "emitting," and "impaired equipment" which could be more clearly expressed as "broken equipment."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, which enhances readability.
Grammar and Punctuation: There are a few grammatical errors, such as "the number of people travelling from countrysides" (should be "countryside") and "employers are obliged to pay higher wages to adept worker" (should be "adept workers"). Additionally, punctuation errors like "However." should be corrected to "However,".
Suggestions for Improvement
Introduction: Clearly state your position on whether the development is positive or negative.
Balanced View: Briefly mention any potential benefits of urban migration to provide a more balanced perspective.
Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to correct minor grammatical and punctuation errors.
Word Choice: Ensure accurate word choice to avoid confusion and enhance clarity.
Overall, the essay effectively argues against the trend of rural to urban migration, but it could be strengthened by addressing the above suggestions.