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Question: Some people think that competition at work, at school, and in daily life is a good thing. ...

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There are opposing views on whether competition in various environments, including school and work, is beneficial. Many argue that it can help us, while others believe cooperatingcooperation can be more effective. This essay will examine both perspectives and explain why I agree with the former viewpoint. To begin with, a number of individuals hold the belief that cooprationg incooperating is better than competition, as it does not put coworkers and pupils against each other. They think rivalry can result not only in hostility but also in the separation of friends in severe cases, while collaboratingcollaboration builds bonds and reinforces team spirit in people. Furthermore, when people work in a team and try to assist each other, more ideas will be createdgenerated. For example, in many elite companies, in order to address an issue, colleagues tend to brainstorm, as they believe it is the best approach to problem-solving. However, a vast majority of people believe competition in certain areas is essential. First and foremost, being competitive is a part of an individual's nature, and humans inherently tend to be the best in all competitions. If there had not been competition between actors at the Oscar ceremony, no one would have bothered themselves and done their best to win an award. ThereforemTherefore, competitive spirit plays a significant role in the progress and enthusiasm of people to develop themselves. In conclusion, although teaming up with others is a good approach as it prevents enmity, I think having competition in different fields is vital, as it helps us to try to get better and achieve resounding accomplishments.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
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There are opposing views on whether competition in various environments, including school and work is beneficial. Many argue that it can help us, while others believe cooperating can be more effective. This essay will examine both perspectives and explain why I agree with the former viewpoint.
There are opposing views on whether competition in various environments, including schools and workplaces, is beneficial. Many argue that it can be advantageous, while others believe that cooperation can be more effective. This essay will examine both perspectives and explain why I agree with the former viewpoint.
To begin with, a number of individuals hold the belief that cooprationg in better than competition, as it does not put coworkers and pupils against each other. They think rivalry can result not only in hostility but also in the separation of friends in severe cases, while collaborating builds bonds and reinforces team spirit in people. Furthermore, when people work in a team and try to assist each other, more ideas will be created. For example, in many elite companies, in order to address an issue, colleagues tend to brainstorm, as they believe it is the best approach to problem-solving.
To begin with, a number of individuals hold the belief that cooperation is better than competition, as it does not pit coworkers and students against each other. They argue that rivalry can lead not only to hostility but also to the severing of friendships in severe cases, while collaboration fosters bonds and reinforces team spirit. Furthermore, when people work in a team and strive to assist each other, more ideas are generated. For example, in many elite companies, colleagues tend to brainstorm to address issues, as they believe this is the best approach to problem-solving.
However, a vast majority of people believe competition in certain areas is essential. First and foremost, being competitive is a part of an individual's nature, and humans inherently tend to be the best in all competitions. If there had not been competition between actors at the Oscar ceremony, no one would have bothered themselves and done their best to win an award. Thereforem, competitive spirit plays a significant role in the progress and enthusiasm of people to develop themselves.
However, a vast majority of people believe that competition in certain areas is essential. First and foremost, being competitive is part of human nature, and individuals inherently strive to excel in competitions. If there had not been competition among actors at the Oscar ceremony, no one would have been motivated to put forth their best efforts to win an award. Therefore, the competitive spirit plays a significant role in the progress and enthusiasm of individuals to develop themselves.
In conclusion, although teaming up with others is a good approach as it prevents enmity, I think having competition in different fields is vital, as it helps us to try to get better and achieve resounding accomplishments.
In conclusion, although collaborating with others is a positive approach as it prevents enmity, I believe that competition in various fields is vital, as it encourages us to improve and achieve remarkable accomplishments.
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Overall Band Score
6.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
strong
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on competition and cooperation. It provides a clear opinion, aligning with the view that competition is beneficial.
  • Development of Ideas: The essay presents arguments for both sides, but the development of ideas could be more balanced. The section on cooperation is less detailed compared to the section on competition.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Structure: The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion.
  • Logical Flow: The transition between ideas is generally smooth, but the essay could benefit from more cohesive devices to link ideas within paragraphs.
  • Paragraphing: Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, which aids clarity.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are some spelling errors (e.g., "cooprationg" should be "cooperating", "Thereforem" should be "Therefore").
  • Word Choice: Some word choices could be improved for precision and variety. For example, "vast majority" might be too strong without supporting data.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, which enhances readability.
  • Grammar and Punctuation: There are minor grammatical errors, such as "cooprationg in better" which should be "cooperating is better". Additionally, "humans inherently tend to be the best in all competitions" could be rephrased for clarity, as it suggests an unrealistic generalization.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Balance the Argument: Provide more detailed examples or explanations for the benefits of cooperation to balance the discussion.
  2. Enhance Cohesion: Use more linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas within paragraphs.
  3. Proofreading: Carefully proofread to correct spelling and grammatical errors.
  4. Expand Vocabulary: Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and avoid repetition.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the task but could be improved with more balanced arguments and attention to language accuracy.