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Question: Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
Music has been a great representative of cultures for decades. It is argued that music can bring a sense of togetherness to people of different ages and cultures. In my opinion, music couldnisn’t be only words but also a universal sentiment. Music transmits a wide range of feelings such as sadness, love, grief, and loneliness. As a matter of fact, some people may not understand the exact meaning of the lyrics but can feel empathy empathize with the singer. For example, Taylor Swift is a popular singer who holds universalworldwide tours annually for people who may barely know the English language, nonethelessyet thousands of people attend her toursconcerts and enjoy the performance. What's more, some audience members in an interview admitted they didn't know English but could feel the songs. As a result, people of different languages come together to hear the songs of a singer whomwhose language they don'’t know her languageunderstand. So, I believe that music conveys meaning through words, but some people getgrasp the meaning through sentiment. Music mostly doesn’t involve rarely involves age or location. People have access to a variety of songs from the cutting-edge internet. They can download high-streamquality music and bestay connected to worldwideglobal trends. Instagram not only introduces a person but also introducespopularizes trendy music to the worldworldwide. As a result, people from any country aged 60 can hear a song by Taylor Swift in a post on Instagram and consequently decide to attend her next tour for the next. However, individuals' tastes in music may be far differentvary greatly, and when they are not interested in a song, they will never be inclined to download it. To conclude, although ppeople may have various tastes in music, I agree that music can result in foster togetherness, that unites uniting people of different languages, cultures, ages, and locations.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Music has been a great representative of cultures for decades. It is argued that music can bring a sense of togetherness to people of different ages and cultures. In my opinion, music couldn’t be only words but also a universal sentiment.
Music has been a powerful cultural representative for centuries. It is widely believed that music fosters unity among people of diverse ages and cultures. In my view, music transcends mere words, serving as a universal language of emotion.
Music transmits a wide range of feelings such as sadness, love, grief, and loneliness. As a matter of fact, some people may not understand the exact meaning of the lyrics but can feel empathy with the singer. For example, Taylor Swift is a popular singer who holds universal tours annually for people who may barely know the English language, nonetheless thousands of people attend her tours and enjoy the performance. What's more, some audience members in an interview admitted they didn't know English but could feel the songs. As a result, people of different languages come together to hear the songs of a singer whom they don't know her language. So, I believe that music conveys meaning through words, but some people get the meaning through sentiment.
Music conveys a broad spectrum of feelings, including sadness, love, grief, and loneliness. In fact, even when listeners do not understand the lyrics, they can still empathize with the artist. For instance, Taylor Swift, a globally renowned singer, performs worldwide tours annually, attracting thousands of fans who may not speak English. Many attendees have admitted in interviews that, despite the language barrier, they deeply connect with her music. This demonstrates how music bridges linguistic divides, allowing people to share emotional experiences regardless of their native tongue.
Music mostly doesn’t involve age or location. People have access to a variety of songs from the cutting-edge internet. They can download high-stream music and be connected to worldwide trends. Instagram not only introduces a person but also introduces trendy music to the world. As a result, people from any country aged 60 can hear a song by Taylor Swift in a post on Instagram and consequently decide to attend her tour for the next. However, individuals' tastes in music may be far different, and when they are not interested in a song, they will never be inclined to download it.
Moreover, music transcends age and geographical boundaries. With the widespread availability of high-speed internet, people can easily access and download music from around the world, keeping them connected to global trends. Social media platforms like Instagram not only showcase individuals but also promote trending music. As a result, even a 60-year-old from any country might discover a Taylor Swift song online and decide to attend her concert. While musical preferences vary, and not everyone will enjoy the same songs, the accessibility of music fosters shared experiences across demographics.
To conclude, although p may have various tastes in music, I agree that music can result in togetherness that unites people of different languages, cultures, ages, and locations.
In conclusion, although people may have diverse musical tastes, I firmly believe that music has the power to unite individuals across languages, cultures, ages, and locations, creating a profound sense of togetherness.
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Check your essay for this topic
Overall Band Score
7
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
strong
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on Your Essay

Task Achievement

  • Strengths:

    • You present a clear opinion in the introduction and maintain it throughout the essay.
    • You provide relevant examples (Taylor Swift’s concerts, Instagram trends) to support your argument.
    • The conclusion effectively summarizes your stance.

  • Areas for Improvement:

    • The prompt asks about bringing people of different cultures and ages together, but your discussion on age is underdeveloped compared to culture. A stronger balance between the two would improve task response.
    • Some points could be more explicitly linked to the idea of unity (e.g., how shared emotional experiences in music create bonds).
    • The phrase "music couldn’t be only words but also a universal sentiment" is unclear—consider rewording for precision.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Strengths:

    • The essay has a logical flow, with clear paragraphing (introduction, body paragraphs, conclusion).
    • Linking words (As a matter of fact, What's more, As a result) help connect ideas.

  • Areas for Improvement:

    • Some transitions could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing culture to age in the second body paragraph feels abrupt. A bridging sentence would help.
    • The phrase "So, I believe that music conveys meaning through words, but some people get the meaning through sentiment" is repetitive—consider combining or refining it.

Lexical Resource

  • Strengths:

    • You use a range of vocabulary (universal sentiment, empathy, cutting-edge internet, high-stream music).
    • The examples (Taylor Swift, Instagram) demonstrate topic-specific language.

  • Areas for Improvement:

    • Some word choices are awkward or unclear ("music couldn’t be only words", "people whom they don't know her language"). Rephrase for clarity.
    • Avoid minor errors like "p may have various tastes" (typo for "people").

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Strengths:

    • You use a mix of simple and complex structures (e.g., relative clauses: "singer whom they don't know her language").
    • Most sentences are grammatically correct.

  • Areas for Improvement:

    • Correct grammatical errors:
      • "whom they don't know her language" → "whose language they don’t understand".
      • "for the next" → "for the next one".
    • Watch subject-verb agreement ("Music transmits" is correct, but "people ... can feel the songs" could be "can feel the emotions in the songs" for precision).

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Balance the discussion between cultures and ages more evenly.
  2. Clarify ambiguous phrases (e.g., "universal sentiment" → "a language of shared emotions").
  3. Smooth transitions between paragraphs.
  4. Proofread for grammar and word choice.

Overall, your essay presents a strong argument with good examples. Refining clarity, balance, and grammar will make it even stronger. Keep practicing!