Question: Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subj...
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It is a widely held view that university students ought to put their time and effort oninto their own studies. However, some may opine that it is a good idea for scholars to learn other subjects as well as their own major. NeverthlessNevertheless, I find the former notion more viable to achieve, owing to time limitations during university years.
Some people are of the opinion that acquiring other subjects other thanapart from their own desciplinediscipline is beneficial. It is irrefutable that studying various subjects contributes to broadening one's perspective and boosting creativity, which can be advantageous futherfurther in their life.A striking example of that can be isSteve jobsJobs. He used his calligraphy skills that he had learned during his teenage years in designing fonts for his software while working inat Apple company many years after acquiring them.Hence, without that skill, he might not have not been creative. Furthermore, It is additional studies that hinder individuals to obtainfrom obtaining one-sided or biased viewpiontsviewpoints by giving them access to a more creative mindset throughout their lives.
Although acquiring additional skills might have some merits, many argue that students have time constrainsconstraints for studying resources other than their main curriculum. For instance, medical students have to pass an extensive range of lessons before graduation, which are all crucial to acquireacquiring the expertise and dexterity for becoming a medical practitioner. It is often recommended to not only focus fully on one's own studies to achieve success during university but also to try avoiding any distractions by participating in any extracurricular activities.University students are limited in time and energy,; therefore, they have to strive to exploit them and also concentrate solely on their own studies.
In the final analysis, acquiring additional skills by studying different subjects might be benficialbeneficial by giving an individual a multifacatedmultifaceted perspective,; it may not be applicable to everybody due to time limitations. I find myself among the supporters of the latter view, since it is more feasible.
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Task Achievement
Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether university students should focus solely on their main subjects or also learn other subjects. It provides a clear opinion, favoring the idea that students should concentrate on their main studies due to time constraints.
Examples and Support: The essay uses the example of Steve Jobs to illustrate the benefits of learning additional subjects. However, the example could be more directly linked to university students to strengthen the argument. The discussion on medical students effectively supports the argument for focusing on main subjects.
Coherence and Cohesion
Structure and Organization: The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing each view, and a conclusion. Each paragraph logically follows the previous one, maintaining a coherent flow.
Use of Linking Words: Transition words and phrases such as "however," "nevertheless," "hence," and "furthermore" are used effectively to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with words like "irrefutable," "broadening," "perspective," "dexterity," and "multifaceted." However, there are some spelling errors such as "descipline" (discipline), "futher" (further), "viewpionts" (viewpoints), "benficial" (beneficial), and "multifacated" (multifaceted).
Word Choice: Some word choices could be improved for clarity and precision. For example, "opine" could be replaced with "believe" or "think" for simplicity.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, which enhances readability.
Grammar and Punctuation: There are minor grammatical errors, such as "It is widely held view" (should be "It is a widely held view") and "time constrains" (should be "time constraints"). Additionally, there is inconsistent use of commas, such as "However , some may opine" (should be "However, some may opine").
Suggestions for Improvement
Clarify Examples: Ensure that examples are directly relevant to university students to strengthen the argument.
Proofread for Spelling and Grammar: Carefully check for spelling errors and grammatical mistakes to improve accuracy.
Simplify Language: Use simpler language where possible to enhance clarity and ensure the essay is accessible to a wider audience.
Expand on Ideas: Provide more detailed explanations or examples to fully develop each point, particularly in the discussion of the benefits of learning additional subjects.
Overall, the essay effectively discusses both views and presents a clear opinion, but it could benefit from more precise language and error correction.