Question: Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which cause many h...
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Researches haveResearch has shown that consuming sugary products can lead to differentvarious health issues for humans. While some people believe that making these products more expensive can be an effective solution, I disagree with this perspective and believe better measures can be taken to encourage people to use less sugar.To begin with, overconsuming sugary products is an imprtantimportant issue in many countries, leading to several health problems which can disturb people's comfortnessescomfort. It enhances FBS (Fasting Blood Sugar) and a person can be prone to the danger of beingbecoming diabetic. Therefore, striving to decraese consumedecrease consumption of products that contain artificial sugar is essential. However, incraesingincreasing these products' priceprices is not a proper solution to solve theisthis problem becuasebecause there are many sugary products that people consume them almost every day, regardless of their prices, such as pasta or rice. Thus, increasing priceprices can makecreate problems for poor people that decreaseby decreasing their affordability.There are some potential solutions that can be considered in this termregard. Firstly, governments should attempattempt to enhance people's awareness about sugary products by providing useful and engaging advertisingadvertisements that can be published through TV or billborads inbillboards on the roads and highways. Moreover, people are responsible as well. theyThey have to decreasereduce sugar in their meals and discourage their children to consumefrom consuming sugary goods such as soft drinks or snacks. In this way, the next generation is less likely to use these kindkinds of products.In conclusion, in my opinion, increasing the price of sugary goods price is not a practical measurementmeasure and might decrease some people's affordability. The better solution is enhancing people's awareness and attempting to staymake the next generation healthier.
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Feedback on Your Essay
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position (disagreeing with the idea of increasing prices). However, the argument could be more developed with stronger reasoning and examples.
Some points are unclear or repetitive (e.g., "decrease consume products" should be "reduce consumption of products").
The conclusion restates your opinion but could summarize key points more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure (introduction, body paragraphs, conclusion), but some ideas are not smoothly connected.
Transition words are used (e.g., "To begin with," "Moreover"), but some sentences feel abrupt. For example, the shift from affordability to awareness in the second body paragraph could be smoother.
Some sentences are awkwardly phrased, affecting readability (e.g., "striving to decraese consume products").
Lexical Resource
There are several spelling and word choice errors (e.g., "comfortnesses" → "comfort," "decraese" → "decrease," "attemp" → "attempt").
Some vocabulary is repetitive (e.g., "sugary products" is used frequently; consider synonyms like "sweetened foods").
A few phrases are unnatural (e.g., "danger of being diabetic" → "risk of diabetes").
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are multiple grammatical errors, including:
Subject-verb agreement ("researches have shown" → "research has shown").
Incorrect word forms ("affordability" should be "ability to afford").
Sentence structure is sometimes unclear (e.g., "people consume them almost every day, regardless of their prices such as pasta or rice" – pasta and rice are not inherently sugary).
Suggestions for Improvement
Clarify and Expand Arguments – Provide more specific examples (e.g., how awareness campaigns work, alternatives to price hikes).
Proofread for Errors – Correct spelling, grammar, and word choice to improve clarity.
Improve Cohesion – Use linking words more effectively to connect ideas smoothly.
Refine Vocabulary – Use more precise and varied terms (e.g., "health risks" instead of "health problems").
Overall, your essay presents a clear stance but needs refinement in language accuracy and argument development. Keep practicing!