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Question: Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you t...

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Using smartphones have been has increased, especially byamong children, in recent years. This trend has happenedoccurred because of some specific reasons, and I think it is a completely negative trend. To begin with, children might prefer to spend most of their time on their smartphones. Firstly, youngsters can meet almost all of their needs bywith their mobilephonesmobile phones. Notably, online shopping, gaming, studying, and listening to music are just a small proportion of mobilephone usesmobile phone usage. Secondly, using mibilephonesmobile phones can be considered as a trend that children tend to follow. Every individualsindividual who surroundedsurrounds them use mobilephonesuses mobile phones for various reasons, and this trend may seem beneficial infrom their perspectivesperspective. Finally, mobilephonesmobile phones are the main meanmeans of communication these days, and new and fresh relationships and friendships isare built bywith these technological tools. Therefore, children have to use these tools to stay in touch with their friends and dearsloved ones. despiteDespite all the mentioned applications, over-using mobilephones haveoverusing mobile phones has brought various demerits. childrenChildren are prone to several sicknesses and illnesses, especially obesity. By spending several timesexcessive time on mobilephonesmobile phones, they might lose the cancechance of being active and doing outdoor activities, leading them to face over-weightoverweight issues. A recent study, surveyed by Oxford universityUniversity, has shonshown that obesity has been enhanced for increased by 37 percent amongstamong children, which may bring several other health problems such as diabetdiabetes and cancer for them in the future. In conclusion, I think children spend too much time on mobilephonesmobile phones because they can meet almost all their needs bywith them; however, continuing this trend may bring problematicproblems in thermsterms of their health in the future.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Using smartphones have been increased especially by children in recent years. This trend has happened because of some specific reasons, and I think it is a completely negative trend.
The use of smartphones has increased significantly among children in recent years. This trend can be attributed to several specific reasons, and I believe it is a wholly negative development.
To begin with, children might prefer to spend most of their time on their smartphones. Firstly, youngsters can meet almost all of their needs by their mobilephones. Notably, online shopping, gaming, studying and listening to music are just a small proportion of mobilephone uses. Secondly, using mibilephones can be considered as a trend that children tend to follow. Every individuals who surrounded them use mobilephones for various reasons and this trend may seem beneficial in their perspectives. Finally, mobilephones are the main mean of communication these days and new and fresh relationships and friendships is built by these technological tools. Therefore, children have to use these tools to stay in touch with their friends and dears.
To begin with, children tend to spend a considerable amount of their time on their smartphones. Firstly, youngsters can fulfill almost all of their needs through their mobile devices. Notably, online shopping, gaming, studying, and listening to music are just a few examples of smartphone usage. Secondly, the use of smartphones can be seen as a trend that children feel compelled to follow. Every individual around them uses smartphones for various reasons, and this trend may appear beneficial from their perspective. Finally, smartphones are the primary means of communication today, and new relationships and friendships are often formed through these technological tools. Therefore, children feel the need to use smartphones to stay connected with their friends and loved ones.
despite all the mentioned applications, over-using mobilephones have brought various demerits. children are prone to several sicknesses and especially obesity. By spending several times on mobilephones, they might lose the cance of being active and doing outdoor activities, leading them to face over-weight. recent study, surveyed by Oxford university, has shon that obesity has been enhanced for 37 percent amongst children which may bring several other health problems such as diabet and cancer for them in the future.
Despite the aforementioned applications, excessive smartphone use has led to various drawbacks. Children are increasingly susceptible to several health issues, particularly obesity. By spending excessive time on their smartphones, they may miss out on opportunities to be active and engage in outdoor activities, which can lead to weight gain. A recent study conducted by Oxford University has shown that obesity rates among children have increased by 37 percent, which may result in several other health problems, such as diabetes and cancer, in the future.
In conclusion, I think children spend too much time on mobilephones because they can meet almost all their needs by them however, continuing this trend may bring problematic in therms of their health in the future.
In conclusion, I believe that children spend too much time on smartphones because they can meet almost all their needs through them. However, if this trend continues, it may lead to significant health problems in the future.
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Overall Band Score
5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
average
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing why children spend hours on smartphones and evaluating whether this is a positive or negative development. However, the reasons provided could be expanded with more depth and examples.
  • Position: The writer clearly states their position that this is a negative trend, which is maintained throughout the essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition from discussing reasons to the negative impacts could be more explicit.
  • Cohesion: Use of cohesive devices is present but could be improved. Phrases like "To begin with," "Firstly," and "Finally" help structure the argument, but more varied linking words and phrases could enhance the flow.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as "online shopping," "gaming," "communication," and "obesity." However, there are several spelling errors (e.g., "mobilephones," "mibilephones," "cance," "therms") that detract from the overall impression.
  • Word Choice: Some word choices are awkward or incorrect, such as "dears" instead of "loved ones" or "friends."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay includes a mix of simple and complex sentences. However, some sentences are awkwardly constructed or contain grammatical errors, such as "Using smartphones have been increased" (should be "The use of smartphones has increased").
  • Grammar: There are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect verb forms. For example, "Every individuals who surrounded them" should be "Every individual who surrounds them."

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Expand on Reasons: Provide more detailed explanations and examples for why children spend so much time on smartphones.
  2. Improve Transitions: Use a wider range of linking words to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
  3. Correct Spelling and Grammar: Pay attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy to enhance clarity and professionalism.
  4. Enhance Vocabulary: Use more precise and varied vocabulary to express ideas more effectively.

Overall, the essay presents a clear position and addresses the prompt, but it would benefit from more detailed explanations, improved coherence, and greater attention to language accuracy.