This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
The global unity and solidarity of humanity are crucial subjects for all time. Some believe that music is a vital key factor in achieving this goal. While I completely support their opinion, I argue that there are more methods as effective as music, such as social media.
The global unity and solidarity of humanity are crucial subjects for all time. Some believe that music is a vital factor in achieving this goal. While I completely support this opinion, I argue that there are other methods as effective as music, such as social media.
On the one hand, it is undeniable that music has always been a part of human life. First of all, music is considered a means of communication between humans and their ancestors, and even before any advancements in the music industry or in musical instruments, people try to contact and share ideas through poems. Similarly in the modern world, music still has its power to attract individuals, regardless of ages and genders, from all over the world. For instance, the Adele World took a place merely in the Munich for several weeks, however fans who participated in were from all Europe and even Asia. As a result, these people with differences in cultures, nations and religion made bonds and connections that no politicians and governments can build.
On the one hand, it is undeniable that music has always been an integral part of human life. First, music serves as a means of communication, connecting people across generations. Even before advancements in the music industry or musical instruments, humans expressed ideas and emotions through songs and poetry. In the modern world, music continues to unite individuals regardless of age, gender, or nationality. For example, Adele’s concert in Munich attracted fans from across Europe and Asia, fostering connections between people of diverse cultures, nations, and religions—bonds that politicians and governments often struggle to create.
On the other hand, I believe that there more ways to interconnect humans. The most important one is social media which plays a crucial role in this matter. In the wake of technological developments, social platforms, like Instagram and X (Twitter), have essential impacts of individuals, in particular the youth population. In this way, People can share their opinions and discuss with others online, and in fact there is no limitation on their location. Moreover, international attention can be attracted on important subjects, such as wars and revolutions which accrued in the worlds, and as a result global unities or campaigns are created for supporting people suffering from those situations.
On the other hand, I believe there are additional ways to connect people globally. Social media is particularly significant in this regard. With technological advancements, platforms like Instagram and X (Twitter) have profoundly influenced individuals, especially younger generations. These platforms allow people to share opinions and engage in discussions without geographical limitations. Furthermore, they draw international attention to critical issues such as wars and revolutions, enabling global solidarity campaigns to support those affected by such crises.
In conclusion, while bringing individuals with different cultures and opinions together has become a important duty, some believe that music is the best option in order to build a cohesion among mankind. Although I agree with those people, in my opinion other useful methods, such as social media, which make significant contributions to this matter by influencing on individuals.
In conclusion, while fostering unity among people of different cultures and beliefs is essential, some argue that music is the most effective means of achieving this. Although I acknowledge its power, I believe other methods, such as social media, also make significant contributions by influencing individuals and promoting global connections.