Question: It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their perso...
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Undoubtedly, everyone takes risks throughout their whole lives. This may offer some advantages to their personal and professional lives. While the result of taking riskrisks can be advantageous, iI believe that there are some disadvantages involved in taking risks.
To begin with, it should be mentioned that people have different personalities; while some individuals prefer to take risks to achieve better and more considerable results, others may prefer not to not take riskrisks, lettingallowing them to save what they have without the fear of loss. On the one hand, people may gain significant profits from this wayapproach and promoteimprove their lives in many aspects. A random person, for example, might take a risk and put all his money in financial markets; by increasing the value of purchased shareshares in this market, he can bebecome rich and his life might be changed.
On the other hand, taking risks is not always profitable and can put the person in problematic troublesituations. This may lead to losing the major part of what that person havehas accumulated in wholethe course of his life. For instance, signing aan improper contract in the professional life may lead irreapreable consequenceto irreparable consequences such a banktrupcyas bankruptcy. Therefore, people should primarily be aware aboutof the results of takentaking risks and should not put all their posessions prone to riskspossessions at risk.
In conclusion, iI believe that it is impossible to say that taking risks havehas merits or demerits. Sometimes it is profitable and ssometimessometimes it may bring problems for people. everyoneEveryone should choose to take riskrisks or not according to their personalities.
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Task Achievement
Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks in personal and professional lives. However, the conclusion could be more decisive in stating whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or vice versa.
Examples and Support: The essay provides examples, such as investing in financial markets and signing contracts, to illustrate points. These examples are relevant but could be expanded with more detail to strengthen the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Structure and Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing personalities to the financial market example could be more logically connected.
Cohesive Devices: Use of cohesive devices is present but could be improved. Phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" are used, but additional linking words and phrases could enhance the flow of the essay.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary: The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, but there is room for more varied and precise language. For example, instead of "problematic trouble," consider using "significant challenges" or "serious difficulties."
Word Choice: Some word choices are awkward or incorrect, such as "irreapreable consequence" which should be "irreparable consequences."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence Structure: The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentences, but some sentences are awkwardly constructed. For example, "This may lead losing the major part of what that person have accumulated in whole of his life" should be "This may lead to losing a major part of what that person has accumulated throughout their life."
Grammar and Punctuation: There are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("everyone takes risks" should be "everyone takes risks"), and incorrect use of articles ("a improper contract" should be "an improper contract"). Additionally, capitalization errors are present, such as "i believe" which should be "I believe."
Overall Impression
The essay presents a balanced view of the topic, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks. However, it lacks a clear stance on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Improving the coherence, expanding on examples, and correcting grammatical errors would enhance the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, a more decisive conclusion would provide a stronger response to the prompt.