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Question: Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subj...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
Some students argue that learning more skills simultaneously with their academic field is a good approach for their future success, while others believe that students should focus on their main major and spend more time in their academic area. I personally think that young people should increaseenhance their skills, and if they obtain more knowledge about a variety of skills, they can have a more successful and happier future. One viewpoint is that students should expandbroaden their abilities, as it allows them to find new interests and become creative. Trying different fields can assist students in discovering new hobbies or activities they enjoy. For example, an engineering student who studies music might start playing an instrument as a hobby. Moreover, learning from various subjects gives students new ideas and helps them solve problems bettermore effectively. For instance, a computer student who knows about art might design a better website creatively. On the other hand, others think that students should focusconcentrate on their academic areas because it leads to gaining better scores and saving time. ConcentratingFocusing on one subject can help students learn deeply and acquire excellent grades in their exams. For example, a law student who studies with high precision can pass their complex courses. Furthermore, when they spend time on other subjects, they will not have sufficient time for their primary courses. For instance, a medical student who studies only their courses can finish their degree on timeschedule. In conclusion, both these approaches have their benefits, and it depends on students' personal attitudes and their field's assignmentsrequirements. However, I personally believe that young people should tryexplore many fields and gain new skills to achieve success.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Some students argue that learning more skills simultaneously with their academic field is a good approach for their future success, while others believe that students should focus on their main major and spend more time in their academic area. I personally think that young people should increase their skills, and if they obtain more knowledge about a variety of skills, they can have a more successful and happier future.
Some students argue that learning multiple skills simultaneously with their academic field is a beneficial approach for future success, while others believe that students should concentrate solely on their major and dedicate more time to their academic studies. I personally think that young people should broaden their skill sets, as acquiring knowledge in a variety of areas can lead to a more successful and fulfilling future.
One viewpoint is that students should expand their abilities, as it allows them to find new interests and become creative. Trying different fields can assist students in discovering new hobbies or activities they enjoy. For example, an engineering student who studies music might start playing an instrument as a hobby. Moreover, learning from various subjects gives students new ideas and helps them solve problems better. For instance, a computer student who knows about art might design a better website creatively.
One viewpoint is that students should expand their abilities, as this allows them to discover new interests and foster creativity. Exploring different fields can help students uncover hobbies or activities they are passionate about. For example, an engineering student who studies music might take up playing an instrument as a hobby. Moreover, learning from diverse subjects provides students with fresh ideas and enhances their problem-solving skills. For instance, a computer science student with an understanding of art might creatively design a more visually appealing website.
On the other hand, others think that students should focus on their academic areas because it leads to gaining better scores and saving time. Concentrating on one subject can help students learn deeply and acquire excellent grades in their exams. For example, a law student who studies with high precision can pass their complex courses. Furthermore, when they spend time on other subjects, they will not have sufficient time for their primary courses. For instance, a medical student who studies only their courses can finish their degree on time.
On the other hand, some argue that students should focus on their academic disciplines, as this can lead to better grades and more efficient use of time. Concentrating on a single subject enables students to delve deeply into the material and achieve excellent results in their examinations. For example, a law student who studies meticulously can successfully navigate complex courses. Furthermore, if students allocate time to other subjects, they may find themselves lacking sufficient time for their primary courses. For instance, a medical student who dedicates themselves exclusively to their core subjects is more likely to complete their degree on schedule.
In conclusion, both these approaches have their benefits, and it depends on students' personal attitudes and their field's assignments. However, I personally believe that young people should try many fields and gain new skills to achieve success.
In conclusion, both approaches have their merits, and the best path often depends on individual attitudes and the demands of their chosen field. However, I firmly believe that young people should explore various disciplines and acquire new skills to enhance their chances of success.
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Overall Band Score
7.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
strong
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether university students should focus solely on their main subjects or explore additional subjects. The writer also provides a clear personal opinion, aligning with the task requirements.
  • Examples and Support: The essay includes relevant examples to support each viewpoint, such as the engineering student exploring music and the computer student using art to enhance creativity. These examples help illustrate the points made, although they could be more specific or detailed to strengthen the argument further.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Structure and Organization: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint, and a conclusion. Each paragraph logically follows the previous one, maintaining a coherent flow throughout the essay.
  • Use of Linking Words: The use of linking words and phrases such as "for example," "moreover," "on the other hand," and "in conclusion" helps to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. However, the transition between the two main viewpoints could be smoother to enhance cohesion.

Lexical Resource

  • Range of Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "simultaneously," "academic field," "creative," "precision," and "assignments." This variety helps convey the writer's ideas effectively.
  • Accuracy: The vocabulary is used accurately, with no significant errors that impede understanding. However, incorporating more advanced or varied expressions could further enhance the lexical resource.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structures: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, which adds to the grammatical range. For example, "Trying different fields can assist students in discovering new hobbies or activities they enjoy."
  • Grammar and Punctuation: The grammar is generally accurate, with only minor errors that do not affect comprehension. For instance, the sentence "I personally think that young people should increase their skills, and if they obtain more knowledge about a variety of skills, they can have a more successful and happier future" could be rephrased for clarity and conciseness.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Provide More Specific Examples: While the examples given are relevant, adding more specific details or real-world scenarios could make the arguments more compelling.
  2. Enhance Cohesion: Improve the transition between discussing the two viewpoints to create a smoother flow.
  3. Expand Lexical Range: Incorporate more advanced vocabulary and varied expressions to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
  4. Refine Sentence Structures: Review and refine some sentences for clarity and conciseness, ensuring that complex ideas are communicated effectively.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and addresses the task effectively, with room for improvement in specificity and language sophistication.