Question: It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future.
To...
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savingSaving is an essential for everyone and, it doesnt relateddoesn't relate to people's age. I completely agree that everyone, especially the young, havehas to save money for unpredictable days ofin the future,; however, this should not deter people from enjoying their lives.
On the one hand, undoubtedly, saving is one of the most important skills that people can learn. This skill can be taught by mentors at school and by parents at home to the children. So, by Byrealizing the value of saving, people will be more aware aboutof their purchases and expenditures, leading to not purchasingbuying products when they do not need them. Consequently, the society would be stay away from 'consumerism' culture. FuthermoreFurthermore, no one can predict the future and the expenditures that might be faced; so, by saving, youngsters can guarantee a potential financial stability in the future. For instance, I am completely aware aboutof my country's economic inflation and, always attempattempt to save a small proportion of my income for the future to not get inavoid getting into trouble.
On the other hand, saving should not be accountedregarded as a detterantdeterrent element that do not let preventsyoung adults to purchasefrom purchasing what they like. weWe all live only once,; therefore, we should not limit ourselves strictly. ConsequentltyConsequently, purchasing responsibly can be key to not only savesaving money, but also purchasebuying what we like.
In conclusion, I believe saving is essential inat all ages, especially in young ages, and can be helpful in unforssen futureunforeseen futures. However, purchasing responsibly besidealongside saving is essential as well.
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Task Achievement
Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of saving money for the future, particularly for young people. It clearly states the writer's agreement with the statement.
Position: The position is clear, as the writer agrees that saving is important but also emphasizes the need to enjoy life.
Examples and Explanation: The essay provides examples, such as the writer's personal experience with economic inflation, to support the argument. However, more specific examples or data could strengthen the argument further.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition from the importance of saving to the idea of enjoying life could be more clearly articulated.
Cohesive Devices: The use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited. Words like "furthermore," "consequently," and "for instance" are used, but more varied linking words could enhance the flow of the essay.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary: The vocabulary is generally appropriate, but there are some errors and informal expressions. For example, "detterant" should be "deterrent," and "unforssen" should be "unforeseen."
Range: The range of vocabulary is somewhat limited. Introducing more varied and precise vocabulary could improve the essay.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence Structure: The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentences. However, there are several grammatical errors, such as missing articles ("saving is an essential"), incorrect verb forms ("attemp" should be "attempt"), and punctuation issues.
Accuracy: Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the use of articles. For example, "the society would be stay away" should be "society would stay away."
Suggestions for Improvement
Expand on Examples: Provide more detailed examples or data to support your points.
Improve Transitions: Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow between ideas.
Enhance Vocabulary: Introduce more varied and precise vocabulary to convey your ideas more effectively.
Check Grammar: Pay attention to grammatical accuracy, especially with articles, verb forms, and punctuation.
Proofread: Carefully proofread your essay to catch and correct any spelling or grammatical errors.
By addressing these areas, the essay can be improved to better meet the IELTS writing criteria.