Question: In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging...

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While some individuals argue that governments face several challenges by growingdue to the growing population of the elderly, others believe that oldolder people are beneficial members of societiessociety. I am utterly convinced that making up comprising the largest proportion of society, by older members can impose financial pressures on governments associated with providing appropriate healthcare services, meanwhilewhile they have no economic productivity. However, oldolder people can be considered as a source of experience with exemplified accountability. Life lessons can be like a light to navigateguide people to the right path. By experiencing different situations during life, individuals become skilled to manageat managing similar ones properly. The veteran elderly not only regard difficulties as opportunities to develop for personal growth but also conductguide younger generations to learn how to mitigate their challenges successfully. In various companies across the world, for instance, some retirees are often are retained to train young employees, as well as consult employers to improve their strategies in terms of production or marketing based on their practical experiences, which are acquired during their workworking life. Moreover, oldolder people are more serious to do about their responsibilities. They always search for a suitable environment and avoid any thrills and curiosities to concentrate on their tasks effectively. The productivity Productivity and thriving outputs can be achieved if people have an organized mindset without any distractions. By this approach, the failures happenthat occur due to some innate deterrents, such as adventurous characteristics or irresponsibility of younger members of society, can be reduced. On the other hand, the health condition of older people should be monitored regularly. ByThrough the aging process, human beings become more vulnerable to face health problems. Heart diseases, hypertension,hypertension and diabetes are common health problems that the elderly are more likely undergoto experience. As a result, governments should provide high-quality medical services for them to prevent these conditions and cure oldtreat older patients appropriately. All these exercises needmeasures require allocating a considerable financial budget. In addition, a significant percentage of oldolder individuals are unable to work and make a living. As they have losenlost their physical abilities, they receive pensions from governments despite retirement and not producing any financial benefits for societiessociety. This can result in additional economic strains toon the government. Nevertheless, while societies can benefit from older people through passing down worthwhile experiences to younger generations and firm commitments to their duties, governments may remarkably confront financial problems to providein providing proper facilities for their wellbeing. In conclusion, based on the mentioned reasons, I believe that providing healthcare services and adequate salaries for oldolder individuals compelimposes heavy financial loadsburdens on governments, which are more considerable compared to their valuable experiences and responsibilities.
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Overall Band Score
6.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
strong
Linking Words
average
Spelling
strong
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of an aging population. It provides a clear stance that the disadvantages, particularly the financial pressures on governments, outweigh the advantages.
  • Ideas and Examples: The essay presents relevant ideas and examples, such as the role of elderly people in mentoring younger generations and the financial burden of healthcare. However, the examples could be more specific and varied to strengthen the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument.
  • Cohesion: Transition words and phrases are used effectively to connect ideas (e.g., "On the other hand," "Moreover," "As a result"). However, some sentences could be more smoothly connected to enhance the flow of the essay.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, such as "financial pressures," "economic productivity," "veteran elderly," and "innate deterrents." However, there are some minor errors in word choice and usage (e.g., "losen" should be "lost").
  • Precision and Variety: While the vocabulary is varied, some phrases could be more precise. For example, "making up the largest proportion of society by older members" could be rephrased for clarity.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. This demonstrates a good command of grammatical range.
  • Grammar and Punctuation: There are a few grammatical errors, such as "the aging process" instead of "by aging process," and punctuation issues like missing commas. These errors do not significantly impede understanding but should be addressed for greater accuracy.

Overall Impression

The essay effectively discusses the topic and presents a clear argument. It is well-structured and uses a range of vocabulary and sentence structures. To improve, the essay could benefit from more specific examples, smoother transitions, and careful proofreading to correct minor grammatical and lexical errors.