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Question: In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. W...

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In some partparts of the world, people prefer to own a house rather than rentingrent one, due to saving more money, and I believe that , this habit can have a positive influence on individuals' life lives. Renting a place to stay, force forces a family to keep some part of their salary for the rental amonthamount, which will face different challenges every year based on economicalthe economic situation. The price of renting a place with better amenities could be higher and harder for families to afford it. So, owning a place for one self oneself could allow individuals to save more money and use it for different aspectaspects of their lifes inseadlives instead of just simply spendspending it on rentingrent. For instance, Iranian parents try to buy a place for their son after marriage,; consequently, he does not need to pay any rent for his accommodation while putting more budget oninto his business or carrercareer. In my opinion, owning a place has several advantages for each person and their loved ones. On the one hand, having a place for oneself can reduce anxiety, since that person would not be stressstressed about shifting to a new place or saving more money for morehigher rental prices. On the other hand, owning a house can be an investment for future generation,generations; additionally, after the death of the owner, reletivesrelatives or childerenschildren can live in that house or sell it and use that money for theirselves thatthemselves, which can have a significant effect on their lives. In conclusion, citizens of some countries try to own an accommodation to keep more money for themselves, rather than waste their salary on renting different places to stay, and I strongly recommend everyone to try to boughtbuy a place for theirselfethemselves because I think being an owner is an investmentalinvestment point in people’s lifelives and othersthose around them.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
In some part of the world, people prefer to own a house rather than renting one, due to saving more money and I believe that , this habit can have positive influence on individuals life.
In some parts of the world, people prefer to own a house rather than rent one, primarily due to the potential for saving more money. I believe that this habit can have a positive influence on individuals' lives.
Renting a place to stay, force a family to keep some part of their salary for the rental amonth which will face different challenges every year based on economical situation. The price of renting a place with better amenities could be higher and harder for families to afford it. So, owning a place for one self could allow individuals to save more money and use it for different aspect of their lifes insead of just simply spend it on renting. For instance, Iranian parents try to buy a place for their son after marriage, consequently he does not need to pay any rent for his accommodation while putting more budget on his business or carrer.
Renting a place to stay forces a family to allocate a portion of their salary for rent, which can present various challenges each year based on the economic situation. The cost of renting a property with better amenities can be higher and more difficult for families to afford. Therefore, owning a home can allow individuals to save more money and use it for different aspects of their lives instead of simply spending it on rent. For instance, Iranian parents often try to buy a home for their son after marriage, allowing him to avoid paying rent for his accommodation and instead allocate more of his budget to his business or career.
In my opinion, owning a place has several advantages for each person and their loved ones. On the one hand,having a place for oneself can reduce anxiety, since that person would not be stress about shifting to new place or saving more money for more rental prices. On the other hand , owning a house can be an investment for future generation, additionally, after death of the owner , reletives or childerens can live in that house or sell it and use that money for theirselves that can have significant effect on their lives.
In my opinion, owning a home has several advantages for individuals and their loved ones. On the one hand, having a place to call one’s own can reduce anxiety, as the homeowner would not have to worry about moving to a new place or saving more money for rising rental prices. On the other hand, owning a house can serve as an investment for future generations. Additionally, after the owner's death, relatives or children can either live in that house or sell it and use the proceeds for themselves, which can have a significant impact on their lives.
In conclusion, citizens of some countries try to own an accommodation to keep more money for themselves , rather than waste their salary on renting different places to stay and I strongly recommend everyone to try to bought a place for theirselfe because I think being owner is an investmental point in people’s life and others around them.
In conclusion, citizens of some countries strive to own a home to retain more of their income for themselves, rather than wasting their salary on renting various places to stay. I strongly recommend that everyone consider purchasing a home, as I believe that ownership is a pivotal investment in one’s life and in the lives of those around them.
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Overall Band Score
5.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
weak
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
average
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • Addressing the Prompt: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt: reasons why owning a home is important in some countries and whether this is a positive or negative situation. However, the explanation of why owning a home is important could be expanded with more diverse reasons beyond financial savings.
  • Position: The writer clearly states their position, believing that owning a home is a positive situation. This position is consistently supported throughout the essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition from discussing financial savings to the emotional benefits of homeownership could be more explicit.
  • Cohesive Devices: The use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited. Phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" are used, but more varied linking words and phrases could enhance the flow of the essay.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The vocabulary is generally appropriate, but there are some errors and awkward phrases, such as "rental amonth" and "investmental point." More precise and varied vocabulary would improve the essay.
  • Spelling and Word Choice: There are several spelling errors, such as "insead," "carrer," "reletives," "childerens," and "theirselfe." These detract from the overall quality of the writing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentences. However, some sentences are awkwardly constructed or contain grammatical errors, such as "force a family to keep some part of their salary" and "being owner is an investmental point."
  • Punctuation: There are issues with punctuation, such as unnecessary commas and missing spaces after commas, which affect readability.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Expand on Reasons: Provide more varied reasons for why owning a home is important, such as cultural values or long-term stability.
  2. Enhance Cohesion: Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
  3. Improve Vocabulary: Work on expanding vocabulary and correcting spelling errors to enhance clarity and precision.
  4. Refine Grammar: Pay attention to sentence structure and punctuation to improve grammatical accuracy and readability.

By addressing these areas, the essay can be more effective in conveying its arguments and maintaining the reader's interest.