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Question: Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which cause many h...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
It is true that many food manufacturers produce food and drinks with huge amounts of sugar. This trend can result in several detrimental health issues. Some people argue that in order to decreasereduce sugar consumption, these products should be sold at higher prices. I strongly disagree with this approach, and in this essay, I will discuss some of the reasons behind my perspective. To begin with, in order to encourage individuals to consume less sugar, many measures can be donetaken, such as increaseincreasing the prices of sugary products. I believe it is not only an extreme measuremmeasure, but also ana pointless strategy, as it does not necessarily prevent people from purchasing these snacks. To illustrate, humans inherently do not like to be forced to do or not do not certain actions. They would rather they, themselves, choose to avoid eating harmful food. In other words, by making these goods more expensive, people will lose their right to choose. Furthermore, they might even tend to consume more harmful food as thean alternative, such as exessiveexcessive drinking of alcohol. In addition, some other approaches, such as boosting social awareness, could be more effective. While the previous method can obligate people not to consume certain ingredients, decent advertising aim toaimed at awareness, is much more acceptable byto people. For example, if well-known celebrities, , such as the influencers on InastagramInstagram, promotespromote healthy dietdiets and avoid eating processed food, a vast majority of people, particularly adolescents, tend to cut manufactured food and drink from their diet. In conclusion, although many consider increaseincreasing the prices of sugary food a good idea to decreasreduce the number of its consumers, I think the given method is not effective since people should have the right to choose. AdditionalyAdditionally, there are many other impactful strategies, such as promoting healthy eating healthy through commercials.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
It is true that many food manufacturers produce food and drinks with huge amounts of sugar. This trend can result in several detrimental health issues. Some people argue that in order to decrease sugar consumption, these products should be sold at higher prices. I strongly disagree with this approach, and in this essay, I will discuss some of the reasons behind my perspective.
It is true that many food manufacturers produce food and drinks containing excessive amounts of sugar, which can lead to various health problems. Some argue that increasing the prices of these products would reduce sugar consumption. However, I strongly disagree with this approach, and in this essay, I will explain my reasoning.
To begin with, in order to encourage individuals to consume less sugar, many measures can be done, such as increase the prices of sugary products. I believe it is not only an extreme measurem, but also an pointless strategy, as it does not necessarily prevent people purchasing these snacks. To illustrate, humans inherently do not like to be forced to do or do not certain actions. They would rather they, themselves, choose to avoid eating harmful food. In other words, by making these goods more expensive, people will lose their right to choose. Furthermore, they might even tend to consume more harmful food as the alternative such as exessive drinking of alcohol.
Firstly, while raising prices might seem like a straightforward solution, it is neither effective nor fair. Such a measure would disproportionately affect lower-income individuals, limiting their access to affordable food options without addressing the root cause of unhealthy eating habits. Moreover, people often resist being forced to change their behavior. Instead of reducing consumption, higher prices might lead to resentment or even increased consumption of other unhealthy alternatives, such as alcohol, as a form of rebellion.
In addition, some other approaches such as boosting social awareness, could be more effective. While the previous method can obligate people not to consume certain ingredients, decent advertising aim to awareness, is much more acceptable by people. For example, if well-known celebrities ,such as the influencers on Inastagram, promotes healthy diet and avoid eating processed food, a vast majority of people, particularly adolescents, tend to cut manufactured food and drink from their diet.
A more effective solution would be to promote public awareness through education and social campaigns. When people understand the health risks associated with excessive sugar intake, they are more likely to make informed choices. For instance, if influential figures, such as celebrities or social media personalities, advocate for healthier diets, their followers—especially young people—may be inspired to reduce their consumption of processed foods. Unlike price hikes, awareness campaigns empower individuals to make voluntary, sustainable changes.
In conclusion, although many consider increase the prices of sugary food a good idea to decreas the number of its consumers, I think the given method is not effective since people should have the right to choose. Additionaly, there are many other impactful strategies such as promoting eating healthy through commercials.
In conclusion, while increasing the cost of sugary products may appear to be a quick fix, it is an ineffective and unfair strategy. A better approach would involve education and awareness initiatives that encourage healthier choices without restricting personal freedom.
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Overall Band Score
6
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on the Essay:

Task Achievement:
The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position (disagreement with increasing prices of sugary products). The writer provides reasons and examples to support their viewpoint, which is good. However, some arguments could be more developed. For instance, the claim that people might turn to alcohol as an alternative is not fully explained or supported with evidence. The conclusion restates the position but could summarize the main points more effectively.

Coherence and Cohesion:
The essay is logically structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are some issues with transitions between ideas. For example, the shift from discussing the ineffectiveness of price increases to suggesting awareness campaigns feels abrupt. Using linking phrases like "On the other hand" or "Alternatively" could improve flow. Additionally, some sentences are awkwardly phrased, which disrupts coherence (e.g., "They would rather they, themselves, choose to avoid eating harmful food").

Lexical Resource:
The vocabulary is generally appropriate, but there are some inaccuracies and awkward word choices (e.g., "extreme measurem" should be "extreme measure," "pointless strategy" is repetitive with "not effective"). The phrase "decent advertising aim to awareness" is unclear and should be rephrased (e.g., "educational campaigns aimed at raising awareness"). More precise and varied vocabulary would strengthen the essay.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy:
There are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement ("many measures can be done" should be "many measures can be taken"), incorrect word forms ("increase the prices" should be "increasing the prices"), and missing articles ("an pointless strategy" should be "a pointless strategy"). Some sentences are also overly complex or unclear (e.g., "humans inherently do not like to be forced to do or do not certain actions"). Proofreading for grammar and sentence structure would improve clarity.

Suggestions for Improvement:

  1. Develop Arguments Further: Provide more detailed explanations or evidence for claims (e.g., why price increases might lead to alcohol consumption).
  2. Improve Transitions: Use linking words to connect ideas more smoothly.
  3. Refine Vocabulary: Replace vague or incorrect words with more precise terms.
  4. Correct Grammar: Review subject-verb agreement, articles, and sentence structure.
  5. Clarify Sentences: Simplify or rephrase awkward constructions for better readability.

Overall, the essay presents a clear stance and some good ideas, but refining language and structure would enhance its effectiveness.