Feedback on Your Essay

Task Achievement:
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear position in agreement with the statement. You provide relevant examples (e.g., Taylor Swift’s concert) to support your argument, which strengthens your response. However, some points could be more developed—for instance, explaining how music bridges cultural gaps in more detail would add depth. Additionally, the conclusion is strong but slightly repetitive; consider refining it to summarize key points more concisely.

Coherence and Cohesion:
Your essay flows logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, some sentences are overly long and could be broken down for better readability (e.g., the first sentence of the second body paragraph). Transition words like "Firstly," "Additionally," and "In conclusion" help with cohesion, but varying them (e.g., "Moreover," "Furthermore") could improve fluency.

Lexical Resource:
You use a good range of vocabulary (e.g., "universal language," "sentiments," "empathy"). However, some phrases are repetitive (e.g., "music is a universal language" appears twice). Try using synonyms or rephrasing for variety. Also, a few word choices could be more precise—for example, "the amount of joy from listening to music will be multiplied" could be reworded for smoother expression (e.g., "the joy of music is amplified").

Grammatical Range and Accuracy:
Your grammar is mostly accurate, but there are minor errors and awkward phrasings:

• "Music has roots in the nature of humans" → "Music is rooted in human nature."
• "the biggest music tour has been held" → "the largest music tour was held" (past tense for completed action).
• "music is the sound of nature and impacts anybody" → "music, as a natural sound, impacts everyone."
  Some sentences could be more concise (e.g., "So, music is a universal language drawing people to have a great time together..." could be simplified).

Suggestions for Improvement:

1. Expand on key ideas—Explain how music unites people beyond just concerts (e.g., shared traditions, emotional connections).
2. Vary sentence structure—Use shorter sentences for clarity and mix simple/complex structures.
3. Refine word choice—Avoid repetition and opt for more natural phrasing.
4. Proofread for grammar—Check verb tenses and article usage (e.g., "the nature of humans" → "human nature").

Overall, your essay presents a strong argument with good examples. With minor refinements in clarity, conciseness, and grammatical precision, it could be even more effective. Keep practicing!