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Question: Some people think that competition at work, at school, and in daily life is a good thing. ...

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Some individuals believe that competing atin different environmentenvironments such as work, school or even in daily life is beneficial, while others argue that trying to be more cooperative is better than competing against each other. Personally, I think that we as humans should engage more cooperative skills rather than being a competitive person. On the one hand, those people who advocate for competition believe that, competing could contribute to a better position in various parts of the life. That is to say, at school, students who work harder would become the top studentstudents and reach a great performance level. The harder they strive, the more successful academic personindividuals they become. In a workplace, being in a competitive environment would lead to better outcomes. Employees, who work harder, enhance their capabilities and also boost their courageconfidence in order to reach thetheir goals. Moreover, a competitive spirit motivates individuals to excel in their lifelives. On the other hand, people who claim that cooperation plays a crucial role in human’s life have their own assertions. cooperative behaviorCooperative behaviour would develop social skills including, communication, empathy and teamwork. Moreover, it fosters interpersonal skills such as being patient and learning to cope with conflictconflicting perspectives. For example, if students work with smarter partners inon school projects, they would learn from their mistakes and try to correct them. Thus, not only isare cooperative skills prominent, but they also it contributes contribute to productive activities. In conclusion, although being competitive helphelps individuals to reach higher positionpositions in society, having cooperative attitudes leadleads to learning social and personal skills which isare more beneficial than just competing with others.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Some individuals believe that competing at different environment such as work, school or even in daily life is beneficial, while others argue that trying to be more cooperative is better than competing against each other. Personally, I think that we as humans should engage more cooperative skills rather than being a competitive person.
Some individuals believe that competing in various environments, such as work, school, or even in daily life, is beneficial, while others argue that being more cooperative is preferable to competing against one another. Personally, I think that we, as humans, should engage in more cooperative skills rather than adopt a competitive mindset.
On the one hand, those people who advocate for competition believe that, competing could contribute to a better position in various parts of the life. That is to say, at school, students who work harder would become the top student and reach a great performance level. The harder they strive, the more successful academic person they become. In a workplace, being in a competitive environment would lead to better outcomes. Employees, who work harder, enhance their capabilities and also boost their courage in order to reach the goals. Moreover, competitive spirit motivates individuals to excel in their life.
On the one hand, those who advocate for competition believe that it can contribute to better outcomes in various aspects of life. For instance, at school, students who work harder are more likely to become top performers and achieve high academic standards. The more effort they put in, the more successful they become academically. In the workplace, a competitive environment can lead to improved results. Employees who strive to excel enhance their skills and boost their confidence in order to achieve their goals. Moreover, a competitive spirit motivates individuals to excel in their lives.
On the other hand, people who claim that cooperation plays crucial role in human’s life have their own assertions. cooperative behavior would develop social skills including, communication, empathy and teamwork. Moreover, it fosters interpersonal skills such as being patient and learning to cope with conflict perspectives. For example, if students work with smarter partners in school projects, they would learn their mistakes and try to correct them. Thus, not only is cooperative skills prominent, but also it contributes to productive activities.
On the other hand, proponents of cooperation argue that it plays a crucial role in human life. Cooperative behavior fosters social skills, including communication, empathy, and teamwork. Additionally, it enhances interpersonal skills such as patience and the ability to manage conflicts. For example, when students collaborate with more knowledgeable peers on school projects, they can learn from their mistakes and strive to correct them. Thus, not only are cooperative skills essential, but they also contribute to productive activities.
In conclusion, although being competitive help individuals to reach higher position in society, having cooperative attitudes lead to learning social and personal skills which is more beneficial than just competing with others.
In conclusion, although being competitive can help individuals attain higher positions in society, adopting cooperative attitudes leads to the development of social and personal skills, which are ultimately more beneficial than merely competing with others.
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Overall Band Score
6.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
strong
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on competition and cooperation. It provides a clear opinion favoring cooperation over competition.
  • Development of Ideas: The essay presents arguments for both sides, but the development of ideas could be more detailed. For instance, the benefits of cooperation could be expanded with more examples or evidence.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, using linking words like "Furthermore" or "Additionally" could enhance the flow.
  • Cohesion: Some sentences could be better connected. For instance, the transition from discussing competition to cooperation could be more seamless with transitional phrases.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The vocabulary used is appropriate but somewhat limited. There is a repetition of words like "competitive" and "cooperative." Try to use synonyms or varied expressions to demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary.
  • Word Choice: Some word choices could be improved for precision. For example, "competitive person" could be replaced with "individuals with a competitive mindset."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, but some sentences are awkwardly phrased. For example, "cooperative behavior would develop social skills including, communication, empathy and teamwork" could be rephrased for clarity.
  • Grammar and Punctuation: There are minor grammatical errors, such as missing articles ("a competitive person") and incorrect punctuation ("cooperative behavior would develop social skills including, communication, empathy and teamwork"). Ensure proper use of commas and articles.

Overall Impression

The essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear opinion. However, it would benefit from more detailed examples and smoother transitions between ideas. Expanding the vocabulary and refining sentence structures will enhance the overall quality of the writing.