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Question: In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
It is true that in recent times, companies and brands often try to boldhighlight the fact that their goods are new and up-datedupdated through commercials in certain ways. There are numerous factors that contribute to this trend. This essay will examine some of the reasons behind it, and explain why I belivebelieve it is a negative development. To begin with, many businesses are trying try to emphazise on emphasize their latest model products in their advertising, in order to attract the audience's attention. Consequently, people's sense of need will be triggered and they will be willing to purchase those products. This happens since a large number of people have a tendency to possess not only the best, , but also the newest objects. For example, every year, Apple inroducesintroduces the latest model of IphoneiPhone and tries to promotpromote it, by saying about highlighting its state-of-the-art technologies and features. As a result, a vast majority of individuals will be persuaded to buy it. However, I do not think it is a positive development. In my opinion, firstly, this trend results in consumerism, as poeplepeople will assume that if they want to stay up-to-date, they have to buy any new-newly released gadget, even if they do not truelytruly need it. Furthermore, customers might do every thing everything to have that item, making people materialistic. To illustrate, in order to buy the newest model of IphoneiPhone, a noticeable number of people borrow money from others or even get a loan from a bank. In conclusion, brands emphasize on their cutting-edge materials through commercials, in order to convince people to buy their productionsproducts more and more. Because of several reasons such as widespreadingthe widespread consumerist culture, I am strongly against this phenomenon and believe it is a negative development.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
It is true that in recent times, companies and brands often try to bold the fact that their goods are new and up-dated through commercials in certain ways. There are numerous factors that contribute to this trend. This essay will examine some of the reasons behind it, and explain why I belive it is a negative development.
It is true that in recent years, companies frequently highlight the novelty and updated features of their products through advertising. Numerous factors contribute to this trend. This essay will examine some reasons behind it and explain why I believe it is a negative development.
To begin with, many businesses are trying to emphazise on their latest model products in their advertising, in order to attract audience's attention. Consequently, people's sense of need will be triggered and they will be willing to purchase those products. This happens since a large number of people have a tendency to possess not only the best ,but also newest objects. For example, every year, Apple inroduces the latest model of Iphone and tries to promot it, by saying about its state-of-the-art technologies and features. As a result, a vast majority of individuals will be persuaded to buy it.
To begin with, businesses emphasize their latest products in advertisements to capture consumers' attention. This strategy effectively triggers people's desire to purchase, as many individuals aspire to own not only the best but also the newest items. For instance, Apple annually releases the latest iPhone model, promoting its advanced technologies and features. Consequently, a significant number of consumers are persuaded to buy it.
However, I do not think it is a positive development. In my opinion, firstly, this trend results in consumerism, as poeple will assume that if they want to stay up-to-date, they have to buy any new-released gadget, even if they do not truely need it. Furthermore, customers might do every thing to have that item, making people materialistic. To illustrate, in order to buy the newest model of Iphone, a noticeable number of people borrow money from others or even get a loan from a bank.
However, I consider this trend detrimental. Primarily, it fosters consumerism, as people feel compelled to purchase newly released gadgets to remain up-to-date, even when unnecessary. Moreover, this behavior encourages materialism, with some individuals going to extreme lengths, such as borrowing money or taking loans, to acquire the latest products. For example, many people resort to financial strain to purchase the newest iPhone model.
In conclusion, brands emphasize on their cutting-edge materials through commercials, in order to convince people buy their productions more and more. Because of several reasons such as widespreading consumerist culture, I am strongly against this phenomenon and believe it is a negative development.
In conclusion, while brands promote cutting-edge products to boost sales, this practice contributes to excessive consumerism and materialism. For these reasons, I firmly oppose this trend and view it as a negative development.
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Overall Band Score
6
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on the Essay

Task Achievement

  • The essay addresses the prompt effectively, discussing why businesses emphasize new products in advertising and presenting a clear opinion on whether it is a positive or negative development.
  • The response provides relevant examples (e.g., Apple’s iPhone releases) to support the argument, which strengthens the analysis.
  • However, the reasoning could be more nuanced. For instance, the negative effects (consumerism, materialism) are well-explained, but a brief acknowledgment of potential benefits (innovation, competition) would make the argument more balanced.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • The essay is logically structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
  • Some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from reasons to negative effects feels abrupt—a linking phrase would help.
  • Minor grammatical errors (e.g., "bold the fact" → "highlight the fact," "up-dated" → "updated") slightly disrupt flow.

Lexical Resource

  • The vocabulary is generally appropriate, with some strong word choices (e.g., "state-of-the-art," "consumerism," "materialistic").
  • There are spelling and word form errors ("belive" → "believe," "emphazise" → "emphasize," "poeple" → "people") that should be corrected.
  • Some phrases are awkward or unnatural (e.g., "making people materialistic" could be reworded for clarity).

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are recurring grammatical mistakes:
    • Subject-verb agreement: "businesses... tries" → "businesses... try"
    • Preposition errors: "emphasize on" → "emphasize" (no preposition needed)
    • Article misuse: "the best ,but also newest objects" → "the best, but also the newest objects"
    • Word choice: "do every thing" → "do everything"
  • Proofreading would help eliminate these errors and improve clarity.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Balance the Argument: Briefly acknowledge potential benefits (e.g., innovation driving progress) before refuting them to strengthen the analysis.
  2. Improve Transitions: Use linking words (e.g., "However," "On the other hand") to connect ideas more smoothly.
  3. Proofread Carefully: Correct spelling, grammar, and word choice errors to enhance readability.
  4. Refine Word Choice: Replace awkward phrasing (e.g., "making people materialistic" → "encouraging materialism").

Overall, the essay presents a clear stance with relevant examples but would benefit from more precise language and grammatical accuracy.