Question: Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which cause many h...
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NumeurousNumerous health problems are observed due to high levels of sugar in manufactured food and drink products. Thus, it is said that, sugary products should be more expensive as this strategy can reduce the sugar consumption. By considering Consideringits importance among people, I belivebelieve that we can not cannotcontrol the consumption of sugar by an inceaseincrease in the cost of this product.Cost
The cost of a product is an essential factor onin the demand of a forthat,product and playplays a crucial role in individuals' shopping attitudes. In fact, an increased cost is mentioned as a method in controlingfor controlling the usage of a product in a society. This phenomenon is occured occursdue to the limited revenue of people, and highly-costed goods are not affoardable amongaffordable for most of the peolepeople. In other words, they would bybuy a product when its prize beprice is assumed farefair and acceptable.However, this method is not a useful method in all the cases, and the demand offor some products would not be changed by a higher cost. Products can be devided individed into several groups, such as nessessarynecessary and luxeryluxury goods. NeccessaryNecessary goods are essential elements in daily usage offor individuals, and they as a result, they do not care about the prizeprice. Bread and sugar, for instance, are used every day, in and their existanceexistence is essential. Thus, people would perchasepurchase these items without considerung itsconsidering their cost. This factor is an acceptable reason, and it ensureassures me that sugar will be used frequently even by determiningsetting a rised prizehigher price on it.All in all, the cost of a product can reduce its requestdemand among people, while some products like sugar are neccessarynecessary goods, and their demand would not be changed.
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.
Here is feedback on your essay based on IELTS writing criteria:
Task Achievement
Clarity of Position: Your stance is clear—you disagree with the idea of making sugary products more expensive to reduce consumption. However, the argument could be more strongly supported with additional evidence or examples.
Development of Ideas: The essay presents a logical structure, but some points lack depth. For example, the distinction between "necessary" and "luxury" goods is a good concept, but it needs further elaboration to strengthen the argument.
Relevance: The response stays on topic, but some sentences are repetitive (e.g., discussing the cost factor multiple times without adding new insights).
Coherence and Cohesion
Logical Flow: The essay has a basic structure (introduction, body paragraphs, conclusion), but transitions between ideas could be smoother. Phrases like "However this method" should include a comma ("However, this method") for better readability.
Paragraphing: The body paragraphs are appropriately separated, but the second body paragraph is overly long and could be split for clarity.
Cohesive Devices: Some linking words are used ("Thus," "In fact," "However"), but more variety (e.g., "Conversely," "Moreover," "As a result") would improve coherence.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary Range: There is an attempt to use varied vocabulary ("essential factor," "luxury goods," "affordable"), but some words are misspelled ("belive," "affoardable," "perchase").
Word Choice: Some phrases are awkward ("play a crucial role in individuals' shopping attitudes" could be simplified to "affect people's buying habits").
Spelling & Accuracy: Several spelling errors ("Numeurous," "belive," "incease," "nessessary") reduce clarity. Proofreading is essential.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence Structure: A mix of simple and complex sentences is used, but some are grammatically incorrect ("they would by a product when its prize be assumed fare" should be "they would buy a product when its price is considered fair").
Grammar Errors: Subject-verb agreement issues ("demand of some products would not be changed" → "demand for some products would not change"), incorrect prepositions ("in controling" → "in controlling"), and article misuse ("a that" → "that").
Tense Consistency: Mostly maintained, but some inconsistencies appear ("is occured" should be "occurs").
Suggestions for Improvement
Strengthen Arguments: Provide more concrete examples (e.g., studies showing that sugar consumption doesn’t decrease significantly with price hikes).
Improve Grammar & Spelling: Carefully proofread to avoid errors that affect clarity.
Enhance Cohesion: Use a wider variety of linking words and ensure smoother transitions.
Refine Vocabulary: Replace awkward phrasing with more natural expressions.
Overall, the essay presents a clear opinion but needs refinement in language accuracy, argument depth, and coherence.