Question: In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in...
Marking Generated by Free AI Models
You are on the free tier, which uses free AI models. They can occasionally be slow, unstable, or temporarily unavailable. Balang Plus uses premium models for faster, more reliable, and higher-quality marking.
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
Choosing the best way for businesses to promote their products is a highly debatable topic these days. It is sometimes thought that some companies usually emphasis to advertise **emphasise** advertisingnew products. In my opinion, I agree this can be possitive**a positive** development for both businesses and people.
A good reason to emphasise new goods in advertisements is that it can lead to an increase in their annual selling rate. **sales**.This way, if businesses insist to advertise**focus on** advertising their products as new ones, it will encourage people to buy them to adapt themselves to**keep up with** recent trends of society. For instance, Samsung and iPhone annually promote new models of their smartphones with specific features, This**which** can be much more appealing and tempting for people to buy them. Therefore, it will result in **the** economic growth of the companies and meet the demands of many individuals.
Another point to consider is that businesses emphasis on **emphasise**new products in their advertisement**advertisements** to motivate employees and designers to be more creative. In other words, it would be significant for businesses to win in the market competition by desgining**designing** new modelas**models** and sell**selling** them. Hence, they strive to come up with new ideas to produce and promote valuable commodities. As a result, it can increase innovation among different employees and companies.
In conclusion, there are some advertisements that **the** founders of comapanies**companies** want to emphasis on **emphasise**new goods on them. **in**.Not only can it result in making a lot of money by selling these appealing products, but it can also encourage companies to implement new ideas and learn how to be more creative. Therefore, this positive development would be beneficial for businesses and meet people's need.v**needs**.
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.
Feedback on Your IELTS Essay
Task Achievement
Clarity of Position: Your stance is clear—you believe emphasizing new products in advertising is a positive development. However, the introduction could be more concise and directly address the prompt.
Supporting Arguments: You provide relevant examples (Samsung and iPhone) to support your points, which strengthens your argument. However, the second body paragraph could be more developed with additional examples or explanations.
Conclusion: The conclusion effectively summarizes your position but could be more nuanced by briefly acknowledging potential drawbacks (even if you ultimately disagree with them).
Coherence and Cohesion
Logical Flow: The essay follows a logical structure, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the second body paragraph starts abruptly—a linking phrase would help.
Paragraphing: Each paragraph has a clear central idea, but the second body paragraph could be expanded for better balance.
Cohesive Devices: Some phrases are repetitive ("emphasis on new products"). Vary your language (e.g., "highlight innovations," "promote updated versions").
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary Range: You use some appropriate terms (e.g., "economic growth," "innovation"), but there are minor errors ("emphasis" should be "emphasize," "desgining" is misspelled).
Word Choice & Accuracy: Some phrases are awkward ("This can be much more appealing and tempting for people to buy them"). Rephrase for clarity: "These features make the products more appealing, encouraging purchases."
Sentence Structure: Some sentences are overly simplistic or awkwardly phrased. For example:
"This way, if businesses insist to advertise their products as new ones..." → "By promoting products as new, businesses encourage consumers..."
"Hence, they strive to come up with new ideas to produce and promote valuable commodities." → "Consequently, they innovate to create and market more appealing products."
Grammar Errors:
"Businesses usually emphasis" → "Businesses usually emphasize"
"This can be possitive development" → "This can be a positive development"
"Not only can it result in making a lot of money" → "Not only does it generate higher revenue"
Suggestions for Improvement
Refine the Introduction: Make it more concise and directly answer the prompt.
Expand Supporting Points: Add more depth to your arguments (e.g., discuss consumer psychology or competition).
Improve Sentence Variety: Use more complex structures (e.g., conditionals, relative clauses).
Proofread Carefully: Correct spelling and grammar mistakes to enhance clarity.
Overall, your essay presents a clear argument with relevant examples, but refining language, structure, and accuracy will strengthen it further. Keep practicing!