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Question: Some people think that competition at work, at school, and in daily life is a good thing. ...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
People around the world have different opinionopinions about ifwhether they should have more cooperation with each other to achieve a better goal or try to compete against each other to getgain victory for them selfthemselves. While competitiveness is an essential life skill in today’s world, and it can have transformational results, I would say cooperation is the better way to become more successful in different segment insegments of life such as, at work, at school, or even in life. Those who believe in the importance of competition think that it can have a powerful impact foron their motivation. ExampleAn example of this effect is related to many different segments of life, such as school, home, and the workplace. At school, the wish forto compete leadleads the students to study harder than their classmates to get better grades so they can appreciateimpress their teachers and parents. AtIn the workplace, people chosechoose competition forto get higher fromahead of their colleaguecolleagues and also to getgain promotion. But Atat home, against in contrast to those places, this competition has a negative impact toon the family. Family members thatwho use competingcompetition for admiration are likely to suffer from mental health issues. Indeed, cooperation is the most important life skillsskill. When people try to work together in teams, whether at school, work, or even at home. They, they receive a lot of motivation and more enjoyment. Firstly, collaborating allows people to solve their problemproblems quickly and easily without eastingwasting their time. Also, they can point out each other's weaknesses and share their experience toexperiences with each other. Secondly, those people who hashave competition feel a lotslot of stress, but in cooperative situations, people can feel a more enjoyenjoyable and relaxationrelaxed atmosphere because they can receive support consecutivelycontinuously from their teammates. In conclusion, while competition can sometimes be useful as a motivation for people toin their self-promotion., I still believe people need to celebratecooperate more, because it not justonly helps them to solve their problemproblems but also it can play plays an important role in improving their social relationrelationships in their lifelives.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
People around the world have different opinion about if they should have more cooperation with each other to achieve a better goal or try to compete against each other to get victory for them self. While competitiveness is an essential life skill in today’s world, and it can have transformational results, I would say cooperation is the better way to become more successful in different segment in life such as, at work, at school or even in life.
People around the world have different opinions about whether they should cooperate with each other to achieve better goals or compete against one another for personal victory. While competitiveness is an essential life skill in today’s world and can lead to transformational results, I believe that cooperation is the more effective approach to achieving success in various aspects of life, such as at work, in school, and in personal relationships.
Those who believe in importance of competition think that it can have powerful impact for their motivation. Example of this effect is related to many different segments of life, such as school, home and workplace. At school the wish for compete lead the students to study harder than their classmates to get better grades so they can appreciate their teachers and parents. At workplace people chose competition for get higher from their colleague and also to get promotion. But At home against those places this competition has a negative impact to family. Family members that use competing for admiration are likely to suffer from mental health.
Those who emphasize the importance of competition argue that it can have a powerful impact on motivation. For example, in different areas of life, such as school, home, and the workplace, the desire to compete can drive individuals to excel. In school, the urge to compete leads students to study harder than their classmates in order to achieve better grades and gain recognition from their teachers and parents. In the workplace, individuals may choose competition to outshine their colleagues and secure promotions. However, in contrast to these environments, competition at home can have a negative impact on family dynamics. Family members who compete for admiration may suffer from mental health issues due to the stress and tension that competition can create.
Indeed, cooperation is the most important life skills. When people try to work together in teams whether at school, work or even at home. They receive a lot of motivation and more enjoyment. Firstly, collaborating allows people to solve their problem quickly and easily without easting their time. Also, they can point out each other weaknesses and share their experience to each other. Secondly, those people who has competition feel a lots of stress, but in cooperative situations people can feel more enjoy and relaxation atmosphere because they can receive support consecutively from their teammates.
Indeed, cooperation is one of the most important life skills. When people work together in teams—whether at school, at work, or at home—they often experience increased motivation and enjoyment. Firstly, collaboration allows individuals to solve problems quickly and efficiently without wasting time. Additionally, team members can identify each other's weaknesses and share their experiences, leading to collective growth. Secondly, while those engaged in competition often experience significant stress, cooperative situations foster a more enjoyable and relaxed atmosphere, as individuals receive continuous support from their teammates.
In conclusion, while competition can sometimes be useful as a motivation for people to their self-promotion. I still believe people need to celebrate more, because it not just helps them to solve their problem but also it can play an important role in improving their social relation in their life.
In conclusion, while competition can sometimes serve as a useful motivator for personal advancement, I firmly believe that people should prioritize cooperation. Not only does it help individuals solve problems more effectively, but it also plays a crucial role in enhancing social relationships throughout their lives.
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Overall Band Score
5.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
weak
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
average
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Task Achievement

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on competition and cooperation. It provides examples of how competition can motivate individuals in various settings, such as school and work, and also highlights the potential negative impact on family life. The essay then argues in favor of cooperation, emphasizing its benefits in problem-solving and reducing stress. However, the essay could benefit from more specific examples and a clearer explanation of how cooperation leads to success in different life segments.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing competition to cooperation could be more clearly signposted. Additionally, the essay could benefit from more cohesive devices to link ideas within paragraphs, such as using more conjunctions or transitional phrases.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and awkward expressions. For example, phrases like "wish for compete" and "chose competition for get higher" are incorrect. The essay would benefit from more precise and varied vocabulary to convey ideas more effectively. Additionally, there are some spelling errors, such as "easting" instead of "wasting."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement, verb forms, and sentence structure. For example, "people chose competition for get higher" should be "people choose competition to get higher positions." Additionally, there are issues with article usage and pluralization, such as "importance of competition" instead of "the importance of competition." Improving grammatical accuracy would enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Provide Specific Examples: Include more detailed examples to illustrate how cooperation leads to success in various life segments.
  2. Enhance Cohesion: Use more transitional phrases and conjunctions to improve the flow of ideas between and within paragraphs.
  3. Expand Vocabulary: Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and correct awkward expressions to convey ideas more precisely.
  4. Improve Grammar: Focus on correcting grammatical errors, particularly in verb forms, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure.

Overall, the essay presents a balanced discussion of both views but would benefit from more detailed examples, improved cohesion, and greater grammatical accuracy.