Question: Some people think that competition at work, at school, and in daily life is a good thing. ...

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It is important to consider the positive and negative effects of competition on people. While some think it is helpful for people to compete in their everyday life with their coworkers, and classmates, I agree with those who argue that individuals should try more to assist each other than focusingfocus only on beating one another. On the one hand, one of the advantages of competition among students is that it can increasesincrease their motivation. This is because a competitive spirit can force everyone to study hard regardless of any circumstances,; even if they feel tired, they cannot let themselves skip doing homework as they do not want to be worse than their classmates. As a result, this incentive might lead to better performance and output. In contrast, if there were not any no rivalry at work place,the workplace and universities, this may reduce individuals’ willingness forto work hard work. On the other hand, in my view, it is vital for companies and schools to create a more collaborative environment. The reason for this is that people should have the attitude to work together rather than against one another, as this can improve individuals' well-being and self-stemesteem. For instance, an employer who helphelps their colleague inwith difficult tasks, this can foster a sense of friendship and kindness within them, which can make the workplace less stressful and more enjoyable. inIn doing so, team work teamwork not only can increase people's happiness and satisfaction, but also this can also provide more profits and efficiency for organizations. In conclusion, although competition can give people the impetus to work hard due to the fear of failure, I think it is also very crucial to develop collaboration and team work teamwork as this can increasesincrease happiness and satisfaction.
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Overall Band Score
7
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
average
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses both views of the prompt, discussing the benefits of competition and the importance of cooperation. It also provides a clear opinion, aligning with the cooperative approach.
  • Development of Ideas: The essay presents relevant examples and explanations for both perspectives. However, the examples could be more detailed to strengthen the argument further.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing each view, and a conclusion. Each paragraph has a clear central idea.
  • Cohesion: Transition words and phrases such as "on the one hand," "on the other hand," and "in conclusion" are used effectively to guide the reader through the argument. However, some sentences could be better connected to improve the flow of ideas.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay uses a range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as "motivation," "collaborative environment," "self-esteem," and "efficiency." However, there are some minor errors, such as "individuals well-being" which should be "individuals' well-being."
  • Word Choice: Some word choices could be improved for precision, such as "in doing so" which could be replaced with "as a result" for clarity.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences. However, there are some grammatical errors, such as "increases" instead of "increase" in "it can increases their motivation."
  • Punctuation and Capitalization: There are minor punctuation errors, such as missing capitalization at the beginning of a sentence ("in doing so"). Ensure all sentences start with a capital letter.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Expand Examples: Provide more detailed examples to support each point, which will help in illustrating the arguments more vividly.
  2. Improve Cohesion: Work on connecting sentences more smoothly to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
  3. Grammar and Punctuation: Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure proper punctuation and capitalization throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay effectively discusses both views and presents a clear opinion, but it could benefit from more detailed examples and improved grammatical accuracy.