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Question: Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which cause many h...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
There is some truth in the argument that food and drinks which are not made in the house at home are rich in sugar, and they can have impacts on people's health. So, an increase in their profitprice can be helpful to lessen their consumption because of by reducing the risk of sugar -related diseasediseases and encouraging people to use healthy products instead, while sugar's important role in the body should not be forgotten. On the one hand, increasing the feeprice of sugary items may contribute to less consumption of itthem, which lowers the risks of disorders like obesity and diabetes. Although these diseases are not curable, they can be controlled by using less sugar in everyday meals. However, some people do not take obesity and diabetes seriousseriously at first, but they can decrease the quality of liveslife as the time passes. An obese man who suffers from diabetes by takingconsuming less sugar in his diet will not only will have been be able to enjoy his body shape in histhe next 10 years but also will be using lessfewer medications. It is important to note that increasing the cost of sugar would be useful since it encourages people to takechoose other substances instead, which have more hea thier healthier ingredients. Products with high amountamounts of protein and vitamins instead of sugar can help build muscels canmuscles and lead to a healthier lifestyle. consumingConsuming vegetables, and fruits, and eggs would be a complete meal instead of using poor nutrition with higher profitsugar content. On the other hand, eating less sugar because of the rise in its cost would cause problems for the brain's function, which ts first fue to use § primarily uses glucose. Without an adequate amount of sugar in the body, people would experience mental disorders like, cognitive problems, and memory loss. Regulations are needed for the utilizationconsumption of sugar rather than just risingraising its costs. In concus onconclusion, products naving hgh amountcontaining high amounts of sugar should be bougntbought less due to an increase in its profittheir price to reduce the risk of obesity and diabetes, and other high -nutrition products replacedshould replace them in peoples dietpeople's diets. In my opinion, the importance of sugar for the brain function should not be ignored. However, consuming sugar with limitationsin moderation by increasing its cost would benefit not only the physical health but also the mental efficacyefficiency.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
There is some truth in the argument that food and drinks which are not made in the house are rich in sugar, and they can have impacts on people's health. So, increase in their profit can be helpful to lessen their consumption because of reducing the risk of sugar related disease and encouraging people to use healthy products instead, while sugar's important role in body should not be forgotten. On the one hand increasing the fee of sugary items may contribute to less consumption of it which lowers the risks of disorders like obesity and diabetes. Although these diseases are not curable, they can be controlled by using less sugar in everyday meals. However, some people do not take obesity and diabetes serious at first, they can decrease the quality of lives as the time passes. An obese man who suffers from diabetes by taking less sugar in his diet not only will have been able to enjoy his body shape in his next 10 years but also will be using less medications. It is important to note that increasing the cost of sugar would be useful since it encourages people to take other substances instead which have more hea thier ingredients. Products with high amount of protein and vitamins instead of sugar can help build muscels can lead to a healthier lifestyle. consuming vegetables and fruits and eggs would be a complete meal instead of using poor nutrition with higher profit. On the other hand eating less sugar because of the rise in its cost would cause problems for the brain's function which ts first fue to use § glucose. Without adequate amount of sugar in body people would experience mental disorders like, cognitive problems, memory loss. Regulations are needed for the utilization of sugar rather than just rising its costs. In concus on, products naving hgh amount of sugar should be bougnt less due to increase in its profit to reduce the risk of obesity and diabetes, and other high nutrition products replaced in peoples diet. In my opinion, the importance of sugar for the brain function should not be ignored. However, consuming sugar with limitations by increasing its cost would benefit not only the physical health but also the mental efficacy.
There is some truth in the argument that commercially produced food and drinks often contain excessive sugar, which can negatively impact people's health. Increasing the price of such products could help reduce their consumption, thereby lowering the risk of sugar-related diseases and encouraging healthier alternatives. However, sugar's essential role in bodily functions should not be overlooked. On one hand, raising the price of sugary products may lead to decreased consumption, reducing the prevalence of conditions like obesity and diabetes. While these diseases are not curable, they can be managed by limiting sugar intake. Many people underestimate the severity of obesity and diabetes initially, but these conditions significantly diminish quality of life over time. For instance, an individual who reduces sugar consumption could maintain a healthier weight and require fewer medications in the long term. Furthermore, higher sugar prices might incentivize people to choose healthier alternatives rich in protein, vitamins, and other nutrients. Consuming vegetables, fruits, and eggs instead of sugary products can promote muscle growth and overall well-being. Such dietary changes would contribute to a more balanced and nutritious lifestyle. On the other hand, excessive sugar price hikes could impair brain function, as glucose is the brain's primary energy source. Insufficient sugar intake may lead to cognitive issues and memory problems. Therefore, regulations should focus on balanced sugar consumption rather than merely increasing costs. In conclusion, while reducing sugar consumption through higher prices may help prevent obesity and diabetes, it is crucial to maintain adequate sugar intake for proper brain function. A balanced approach that promotes moderate sugar consumption alongside healthier food choices would benefit both physical and mental health.
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Check your essay for this topic
Overall Band Score
5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
weak
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
average
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on the Essay:

Task Achievement:
The essay addresses the prompt and presents a balanced view, discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of increasing the price of sugary products. However, the argument could be more clearly structured. Some points are repetitive (e.g., obesity and diabetes are mentioned multiple times without deeper analysis), while others lack development (e.g., the role of sugar in brain function is mentioned but not thoroughly explained). The conclusion is somewhat unclear due to grammatical errors ("In concus on, products naving hgh amount of sugar...").

Coherence and Cohesion:
The essay has a logical flow, but the organization could be improved. The ideas jump between health risks, alternative foods, and brain function without smooth transitions. Paragraphing is present but could be more effective—for example, the discussion on brain function could be a separate paragraph. Some sentences are hard to follow due to grammatical errors ("An obese man who suffers from diabetes by taking less sugar in his diet not only will have been able to enjoy his body shape...").

Lexical Resource:
The vocabulary is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling and word choice errors (e.g., "hea thier" instead of "healthier," "muscels" instead of "muscles," "fue" instead of "fuel"). Some phrases are awkward ("increase in their profit" should be "increase in their price"). More precise and varied vocabulary would strengthen the argument.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy:
Grammar is a significant weakness. There are numerous errors in verb tense ("will have been able to enjoy" is incorrect), subject-verb agreement ("Regulations are needed for the utilization of sugar rather than just rising its costs"), and sentence structure ("consuming vegetables and fruits and eggs would be a complete meal instead of using poor nutrition with higher profit" is unclear). Punctuation is also inconsistent (e.g., missing commas, incorrect use of § symbol).

Suggestions for Improvement:

  1. Clarify the thesis statement—state your position more clearly in the introduction.
  2. Improve paragraph structure—each paragraph should focus on one main idea (e.g., health risks, alternatives, brain function).
  3. Proofread for grammar and spelling—revise awkward phrasing and correct errors.
  4. Develop ideas more deeply—explain how sugar affects brain function and provide evidence for claims.
  5. Use smoother transitions—guide the reader through the argument more clearly.

Overall, the essay has potential but needs refinement in clarity, grammar, and organization.