Question: Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which cause many h...
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Choosing the best method to stimulateencourage people to consume less sugary foods and drinks is a highly debatable topic these days. It is sometimes thought that many foods and drinks haveare produced with a higher amount of sugar, followed byleading to long-term health issues. This should be avoidedaddressed by increasing the price of sugary goods to motivate people to eat less sugar. In my opinion, I agree that expensive foods and drinks can encourage citizens to consume more healthy healthierproducts and pursue a healthy diet instead of sugary ones.
A good reason to sell expemsiveexpensive sugary products to people to motivate them to eat itthem rarely is that they can consume other healthy products. For example, Ifif fizzy drinks are expensive, people will try to drink water because it is cheaper than manufactured beveragebeverages. This can prevent some diseases like obesity caused by regular consumption of sugar. As a result, many individuals save money, while consuming healthy products.
Another point to decrease the rate of suagrsugar consumption in foods and beveragebeverages by increasing their prices is that people would be motivated to spend their money on going to the gym and doing exerciseexercising. This can lead to developing a healthy life-stylelifestyle because when people exercise, they are less likely to consume expensive sugary foods, such as chocolate and snakcssnacks. Therefore, they can lead a healthier and longer life without sugar.
In conclusion, people can be encouraged by selling them more expensive sugary foods and drinks to declinereduce the rate of sugar consumption. Not only can it foster to lead a healthier life by avoiding regular consumption of expensive products, but it also motivatemotivates them to allocate their money onto working out.
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Feedback on Your Essay
Task Achievement
Clarity of Position: Your stance is clear—you agree that increasing the price of sugary products can reduce consumption. However, the introduction could be more concise. The first sentence is somewhat redundant ("Choosing the best method..."). Instead, directly address the prompt.
Supporting Arguments: You provide relevant examples (fizzy drinks vs. water, gym expenses), but some points need further development. For instance, how exactly does making sugary products expensive lead to gym memberships? A clearer connection would strengthen your argument.
Conclusion: The conclusion restates your position well but could be more impactful by summarizing key points rather than repeating them.
Coherence and Cohesion
Logical Flow: The essay follows a logical structure (introduction, two body paragraphs, conclusion). However, transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, "Another point to decrease the rate..." feels abrupt. A linking phrase like "Furthermore" would improve flow.
Paragraphing: Each paragraph has a clear central idea, but the second body paragraph could be split for better clarity (one on health benefits, another on financial motivation).
Repetition: Some phrases are repetitive ("expensive sugary foods and drinks"). Vary your wording (e.g., "high-sugar items," "sugary snacks").
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary Range: You use appropriate vocabulary ("foster," "allocate," "long-term health issues"), but some words are misspelled ("expemsive," "suagr," "snakcs"). Proofreading is essential.
Word Choice: Some phrasing is awkward ("motivate them eat it rarely"). A better version: "discourage frequent consumption."
Collocations: "Pursue a healthy diet" is correct, but "lead a healthier life" sounds more natural than "lead a healthier and longer life without sugar."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence Structure: You use a mix of simple and complex sentences, but some are grammatically incorrect:
"many foods and drinks have produced with a higher amount of sugar" → "many foods and drinks are produced with high sugar content."
"motivate people eat less sugar" → "motivate people to eat less sugar."
Subject-Verb Agreement:
"This can lead to developing healthy life-style" → "This can lead to developing a healthy lifestyle."
"it also motivate them" → "it also motivates them."
Articles/Prepositions: Missing articles ("going to gym" → "going to the gym").
Suggestions for Improvement
Revise the introduction to be more direct. Example: "Many processed foods and drinks contain excessive sugar, contributing to health problems. Some argue that increasing their cost would reduce consumption. I agree, as higher prices can steer people toward healthier alternatives."
Clarify cause-and-effect relationships (e.g., how expensive sugary goods lead to gym spending).
Proofread carefully to fix spelling and grammar errors.
Vary sentence structures to enhance fluency (e.g., use passive voice or conditional sentences).
Overall, your essay presents a clear argument but would benefit from tighter grammar, stronger transitions, and more precise vocabulary. Keep practicing!