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Question: Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. O...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
There is an opposing view on whether advertismentsadvertisements are significantly persuasive in such a way that makemakes us to buy various goods or they do not attract our attentions any more attention anymore since, they are so common. In this essay, I will exmaineexamine both viewpoints and explain why I strongly agree with the former perspective. To begin with, it is argued by many that advertising is not as effective as it used to be. theyThey think altoughalthough elite companies are trying to utilize different methods in order to attract people's attentionsattention, they are not successful anymore. Moreover, they assume that they have learned advertising methods, so, they are not thrickedtricked by those advertismentsadvertisements anymore. To illustrate, if an influencer on social media recommends a product, people might immediately recognize it and skip the ad. However, a large number of people, myself included, hold the belief that advertismentsadvertisements have performed brilliantly in convincing individuals to purchase various goods from companies and brands. People with this perspective believe ads have not only always been creative, but also innovative, as, they always try to stay up-to-date with a new and brilliant idea. Furthermore, Theythey use several approaches in order to trigger people's sense of need. As a result, people will buy a number of products that they do not even need. For example, Apple company make makes individuals feel they need a new gadget such as a new model of IphoneiPhone, only through advertising which can be either direct or indirect. Consequently, they spend thousands of dollars on some things that are not actually essential. In conclusion, while a number of people cosiderconsider advertising are effectiveness ineffective since, they have learnt commerciallearned commercials's tricks, others argue that advertismentsadvertisements still can make a strong impression, which I completely agree with.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
There is an opposing view on whether advertisments are significantly persuasive in such a way that make us to buy various goods or they do not attract our attentions any more since, they are so common. In this essay, I will exmaine both viewpoints and explain why I strongly agree with the former perspective.
There is a divergence of opinion regarding whether advertisements are sufficiently persuasive to influence our purchasing decisions or whether they have become so commonplace that they no longer capture our attention. In this essay, I will examine both perspectives and explain why I strongly agree with the former viewpoint.
To begin with, it is argued by many that advertising is not effective as it used to be. they think altough elite companies are trying to utilize different methods in order to attract people's attentions, they are not successful anymore. Moreover, they assume that they have learned advertising methods so, they are not thricked by those advertisments anymore. To illustrate, if an influencer on social media recommends a product, people might immediately recognize it and skip the ad.
To begin with, some argue that advertising is no longer as effective as it once was. They contend that although companies employ various strategies to attract consumers, these efforts are often unsuccessful. Additionally, they believe that people have become familiar with advertising techniques and are no longer easily swayed by them. For instance, when a social media influencer promotes a product, many users may immediately recognize it as an advertisement and disregard it.
However, a large number of people, myself included, hold the belief that advertisments have performed brilliantly in convincing individuals to purchase various goods from companies and brands. People with this perspective believe ads have not only always been creative, but also innovative as, they always try to stay up-to-date with a new and brilliant idea. Furthermore, They use several approaches in order to trigger people's sense of need. As a result people will buy a number of products that they even need. For example, Apple company make individuals feel they need a new gadget such as a new model of Iphone, only through advertising which can be either direct or indirect. Consequently, they spend thousands of dollars on some things that are not actually essential.
However, a significant number of individuals, including myself, maintain that advertisements remain highly effective in persuading consumers to purchase products. Proponents of this view argue that ads are not only creative but also innovative, as they continuously adapt to new trends and employ fresh ideas. Moreover, advertisements strategically appeal to consumers' emotions and desires, creating a perceived need for certain products. As a result, people often buy items they do not genuinely require. For example, Apple’s marketing campaigns successfully convince consumers to purchase the latest iPhone model, even when their current device remains functional. This demonstrates the powerful influence of advertising, whether direct or indirect.
In conclusion, while a number of people cosider advertising are effectiveness since, they have learnt commercial's tricks, others argue that advertisments still can make a strong impression which I completely agree.
In conclusion, while some believe that advertisements have lost their effectiveness due to consumers’ familiarity with marketing tactics, others, including myself, argue that they continue to exert a strong influence on purchasing behavior. I firmly support the latter perspective.
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Overall Band Score
6
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on Your Essay

Task Achievement

  • Your essay addresses both views and presents your opinion, which meets the task requirements. However, the introduction could be clearer in outlining the two perspectives before stating your stance.
  • Some arguments lack depth. For example, the claim that people "have learned advertising methods" and are no longer "tricked" could be expanded with more concrete examples or reasoning.
  • The example of Apple is strong, but more specific details (e.g., how ads create a sense of need) would strengthen your argument.
  • The conclusion is somewhat abrupt and could better summarize the key points before restating your opinion.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • The essay has a logical structure, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from the first view to the second could use a clearer linking phrase (e.g., "On the other hand...").
  • Some sentences are awkwardly phrased, making the flow less natural (e.g., "they think altough elite companies are trying to utilize different methods in order to attract people's attentions").
  • Paragraphing is generally good, but the second body paragraph is quite long—consider breaking it into two for better readability.

Lexical Resource

  • There are several spelling and word choice errors (e.g., "advertisments" → "advertisements," "exmaine" → "examine," "thricked" → "tricked"). Proofreading would help.
  • Some phrases are repetitive (e.g., "attract people's attentions" appears twice). Vary your vocabulary (e.g., "capture consumers' interest").
  • The use of "elite companies" is unclear—do you mean "major" or "leading" companies?

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • There are grammatical errors, such as:
    • "make us to buy" → "make us buy"
    • "they think altough" → "they think although"
    • "they are not thricked" → "they are not tricked"
  • Some sentences are fragmented or lack proper punctuation (e.g., "Moreover, they assume that they have learned advertising methods so, they are not thricked by those advertisments anymore.").
  • Work on subject-verb agreement (e.g., "advertising are effectiveness" → "advertising is effective").

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Clarify your introduction by briefly summarizing both views before stating your opinion.
  2. Expand your arguments with more detailed examples or explanations.
  3. Improve transitions between paragraphs for smoother flow.
  4. Proofread carefully to correct spelling, grammar, and word choice errors.
  5. Vary your vocabulary to avoid repetition.

Overall, your essay presents a clear stance and covers both views, but refining language accuracy and argument depth would strengthen it. Keep practicing!