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Question: Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you t...

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In the contemporary era, thanks to the wonderfullywonderful technological revolution, every signlesingle part of our lives has been altered significantly,; the same can be said for the entertainment style of children. It is sometimes thought that youths allocate hours to useusing cutting-edge tools on a daily routinebasis. There are several reasons that may contribute to this issue, and in my opinion, it can have some negative effects inon children's mental and physical health. Probably, utilizingthe use of smartphones by children every day may stem from two main reasons. Firstly, technology has facilitated pupils' lives in many aspects, and children can have access to a plethora of information everyat any time and every where anywhere regardless of their location. Hence, it is really attractive for them to do many thingthings by using their smartphones. Secondly, there are lots of game applications whichthat have been desgineddesigned for children to fill their freetimefree time. As a result, they installedinstall these applications on their smartphones and play bywith them for long hours to create a joyful momentmoments. Admittedly, a good reason to consideringconsider the negative points of spending much time on smartphones by youths is that some physical and mental disorders may result infrom this issue. To illustrate, many children stay in the same position for long hours and work with their smart phonessmartphones, followed byleading to obesity, spinal-related issues, and poor eye sight eyesight because they have not any no movement. MoreoveMoreover, there is a possibility of reducing social participation opportunities for children by not interacting with their peers and getgetting amused by them. As a result, they may representexhibit solitary mannersbehaviours and getbecome isolated overtimeover time. In conclusion, pupils are glued to their smartphones for hours because of the attraction of technology and playplaying different games, while this can be harmful to their phsychologicalpsychological and physical health of them.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
In the contemporary era, thanks to the wonderfully technological revolution every signle part of our lives has been altered significantly, the same can be said for entertainment style of children. It is sometimes thought that youths allocate hours to use cutting-edge tools on a daily routine. There are several reasons that may contribute to this issue, and in my opinion, it can have some negative effects in children's mental and physical health.
In the contemporary era, the technological revolution has significantly altered every aspect of our lives, including the entertainment habits of children. It is often believed that young people spend hours using cutting-edge devices on a daily basis. There are several reasons that contribute to this trend, and in my opinion, it can have negative effects on children's mental and physical health.
Probably, utilizing smartphones by children every day may stem from two main reasons. Firstly, technology has facilitated pupils' lives in many aspects, and children can have access to a plethora of information every time and every where regardless of their location. Hence, it is really attractive for them to do many thing by using their smartphones. Secondly, there are lots of game applications which have been desgined for children to fill their freetime. As a result, they installed these applications on their smartphones and play by them for long hours to create a joyful moment.
The frequent use of smartphones by children can be attributed to two main factors. Firstly, technology has made life easier for students in many ways, allowing them to access a plethora of information anytime and anywhere, regardless of their location. This convenience makes it highly appealing for them to engage in various activities using their smartphones. Secondly, there are numerous gaming applications designed specifically for children to occupy their free time. As a result, they download these applications and spend long hours playing, seeking enjoyment and entertainment.
Admittedly, a good reason to considering the negative points of spending much time on smartphones by youths is that some physical and mental disorders may result in this issue. To illustrate, many children stay in the same position for long hours and work with their smart phones, followed by obesity, spinal-related issues and poor eye sight because they have not any movement. Moreove, there is a possibility of reducing social participation opportunities for children by not interacting with their peers and get amused by them. As a result, they may represent solitary manners and get isolated overtime.
Admittedly, it is important to consider the negative consequences of excessive smartphone use among young people, as it can lead to various physical and mental disorders. For instance, many children remain in the same position for extended periods while using their smartphones, which can result in obesity, spinal issues, and poor eyesight due to a lack of physical activity. Moreover, excessive screen time may reduce opportunities for social interaction, as children may not engage with their peers and miss out on valuable social experiences. Consequently, they may develop solitary behaviors and become increasingly isolated over time.
In conclusion, pupils are glued to their smartphones for hours because of the attraction of technology and play different games, while this can be harmful to their phsychological and physical health of them.
In conclusion, children are often glued to their smartphones for hours due to the allure of technology and the availability of engaging games. However, this trend can be detrimental to their psychological and physical well-being.
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Overall Band Score
6
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
average
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt effectively. It explains why children spend hours on their smartphones and discusses the negative impacts of this behavior.
  • Ideas and Examples: The essay provides clear reasons for the behavior, such as access to information and gaming applications. However, it could benefit from more specific examples or data to strengthen the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph has a clear main idea.
  • Cohesion: Transition words and phrases like "Firstly," "Secondly," and "As a result" help in maintaining the flow of ideas. However, some sentences could be more connected to enhance the overall coherence.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to technology and health. Words like "cutting-edge tools," "plethora," and "solitary manners" demonstrate a good lexical range.
  • Word Choice: There are minor issues with word choice, such as "desgined" instead of "designed" and "Moreove" instead of "Moreover." Proofreading for spelling errors would improve clarity.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, which is commendable.
  • Grammar and Punctuation: There are some grammatical errors, such as "every signle part" instead of "every single part" and "get amused by them" which could be rephrased for clarity. Attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage would enhance grammatical accuracy.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Provide Examples: Incorporate specific examples or statistics to support the reasons why children spend time on smartphones.
  2. Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to correct spelling and minor grammatical errors.
  3. Expand on Ideas: Elaborate on the negative impacts with more detailed explanations or examples to strengthen the argument.
  4. Enhance Cohesion: Use more linking words to connect ideas within paragraphs for better cohesion.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear argument, but it could be improved with more detailed examples and careful proofreading.