Question: Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.
Why is this the case? Do you t...
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In the contemporary era, thanks to the wonderfullywonderful technological revolution, every signlesingle part of our lives has been altered significantly,; the same can be said for the entertainment style of children. It is sometimes thought that youths allocate hours to useusing cutting-edge tools on a daily routinebasis. There are several reasons that may contribute to this issue, and in my opinion, it can have some negative effects inon children's mental and physical health.
Probably, utilizingthe use of smartphones by children every day may stem from two main reasons. Firstly, technology has facilitated pupils' lives in many aspects, and children can have access to a plethora of information everyat any time and every where anywhereregardless of their location. Hence, it is really attractive for them to do many thingthings by using their smartphones. Secondly, there are lots of game applications whichthat have been desgineddesigned for children to fill their freetimefree time. As a result, they installedinstall these applications on their smartphones and play bywith them for long hours to create a joyful momentmoments.
Admittedly, a good reason to consideringconsider the negative points of spending much time on smartphones by youths is that some physical and mental disorders may result infrom this issue. To illustrate, many children stay in the same position forlong hours and work with their smart phonessmartphones, followed byleading to obesity, spinal-related issues, and poor eye sight eyesightbecause they have not any nomovement. MoreoveMoreover, there is a possibility of reducing social participation opportunities for children by not interacting with their peers and getgetting amused by them. As a result, they may representexhibit solitary mannersbehaviours and getbecome isolated overtimeover time.
In conclusion, pupils are glued to their smartphones for hours because of the attraction of technology and playplaying different games, while this can be harmful to their phsychologicalpsychological and physical health of them.
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Task Achievement
Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt effectively. It explains why children spend hours on their smartphones and discusses the negative impacts of this behavior.
Ideas and Examples: The essay provides clear reasons for the behavior, such as access to information and gaming applications. However, it could benefit from more specific examples or data to strengthen the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organization: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph has a clear main idea.
Cohesion: Transition words and phrases like "Firstly," "Secondly," and "As a result" help in maintaining the flow of ideas. However, some sentences could be more connected to enhance the overall coherence.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary: The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to technology and health. Words like "cutting-edge tools," "plethora," and "solitary manners" demonstrate a good lexical range.
Word Choice: There are minor issues with word choice, such as "desgined" instead of "designed" and "Moreove" instead of "Moreover." Proofreading for spelling errors would improve clarity.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, which is commendable.
Grammar and Punctuation: There are some grammatical errors, such as "every signle part" instead of "every single part" and "get amused by them" which could be rephrased for clarity. Attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage would enhance grammatical accuracy.
Suggestions for Improvement
Provide Examples: Incorporate specific examples or statistics to support the reasons why children spend time on smartphones.
Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to correct spelling and minor grammatical errors.
Expand on Ideas: Elaborate on the negative impacts with more detailed explanations or examples to strengthen the argument.
Enhance Cohesion: Use more linking words to connect ideas within paragraphs for better cohesion.
Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear argument, but it could be improved with more detailed examples and careful proofreading.