Question: Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which cause many h...
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Some people think that processed food and drink products include a considerable amount of sugar, which has detrimental impacts on our health condition, and in order to tackle this problem these products should be sold inat higher prices. While I agree that making them costly can be benefitialbeneficial to a certain extendextent, I believe raising awareness and accessing organic food are be better solutions.
On the one hand, governments can impose heavy taxes on manufacturers, which produce food and beverages containing significant sugar proportionproportions. Therefore, companies reflect thisthese high taxes on their products and will sell them more expensively, so people only would bybuy these foods only on special occasions and events. People gradually consume these products less because they do not wish to waste a lot of monymoney on sugary products, and this contributes to improving public health.
On the other hand, educaingeducating people would have more sustainable benefits onfor our health. TheachingTeaching children initially fromin school will lead them to a better understanding of the food they useconsume, and raising the awaranessawareness of their parents through campaigns would be beneficial for the whole family. The reason is that children will learn from their parents and preserve this healthy lifestyle when they become adults.
Furthermore, increasing the accessibility to healthy organic food can be an advantagousadvantageous way for enhancingto enhance public diet and lifestyle. The more people consume highly nutrisiousnutritious food, the more healthy healthierthey become. By assisting farmers and their products, selling them at a lower priceprices, and making them easier to access for the general peoplepublic, the false habit of eating sugary foods will disappear eventually, and people will adopt a healthy lifestyle. In this way, the roots of the problem will be indicatedaddressed.
In conclusion, making sugary foods and drinks expensive will be effective only to some extendextent. However, there are more practical ways for improvingto improve public health, such as education and organic food.
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Feedback on Your Essay
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a balanced view with clear arguments for and against increasing the price of sugary products.
The introduction clearly states your position, and the body paragraphs develop your ideas logically.
However, some points could be more detailed. For example, when discussing taxation, you could provide real-world examples (e.g., sugar taxes in certain countries) to strengthen your argument.
The conclusion summarizes your stance well but could be slightly more concise.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well-structured with clear paragraphing, and each paragraph has a central idea.
Some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from taxation to education could be linked more naturally (e.g., "While taxation may reduce consumption, a more sustainable approach involves education...").
Minor grammatical errors (e.g., "benefitial," "by" instead of "buy") slightly disrupt the flow.
Lexical Resource
You use a good range of vocabulary (e.g., "detrimental impacts," "sustainable benefits," "accessibility").
Some word choices are slightly awkward or incorrect (e.g., "benefitial" should be "beneficial," "educaing" should be "educating").
Avoid repetition (e.g., "healthy lifestyle" is used multiple times; consider synonyms like "balanced diet" or "nutritious habits").
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are several grammatical errors that affect clarity:
"to a certain extend" → "to a certain extent"
"Theaching" → "Teaching"
"awaraness" → "awareness"
"monitoring" is missing in some places (e.g., "People gradually consume these products less" could be "People will gradually consume fewer of these products").
Sentence structure is mostly correct, but some sentences are overly long and could be split for clarity (e.g., the second sentence in the second paragraph).
Suggestions for Improvement
Proofread carefully to eliminate spelling and grammatical errors.
Use more precise vocabulary to avoid repetition.
Strengthen examples (e.g., mention countries with sugar taxes or studies on education’s impact).
Improve transitions between ideas for smoother flow.
Vary sentence structure to enhance readability.
Overall, your essay presents a well-reasoned argument but would benefit from greater accuracy and refinement in language use. Keep practicing!