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Question: Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which cause many h...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
It has been argued that, increasing the price of the sugary products could result in less consumption in order to improve the health rate of society, as many manufactured products havecontain sugar which threatthreatens individuals’ health. I would stand against this statement, and in this essay I will outline my perspective. To begin with, almost every existing product containcontains sugar, and not all of them will put people’s lives in danger. Instead of raising sugary productproducts’s prices, the government and the health sectors which are in chargedcharge must force food and drinkingdrink companies to decrease their artificial sugar usage and consider people’s health as their first priority. For instance, the government could support manufacturesmanufacturers financially to produce the healthier products. On the other hand, if the society’s awareness about the damagesdamage caused by artificial sugar on the body increaseincreases, the demand for sugary products will decrease. Hence, the less of lower demand for unhealthy food and drink will affect the market directly and force manufacturesmanufacturers to produce low -sugar or zero -sugar products. Additionally, a healthy life style lifestyle is todaystoday’s trend, and people are more concernconcerned about their diets. For example, those who do professional sport exercise sports such as cycling, running, hiking, or those who go to the gym regularly, are very strict about their daily calories and try to stay fit and avoid sugar as much as possible. In conclusion, making sugary products more expensive would not necessarily result in lower consumption necessarily. There are many beneficial solutions for reducing consumers’ desire for eating or drinking manufactured sugary products.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
It has been argued that, increasing the price of the sugary products could result less consumption in order to improve the health rate of society as many manufactured products have sugar which threat individuals’ health. I would stand against this statement and this essay I will outline my perspective.
It has been argued that increasing the price of sugary products could reduce consumption, thereby improving public health, as many manufactured goods contain sugar that threatens individuals' well-being. However, I disagree with this statement, and this essay will outline my perspective.
To begin with, almost every existing product contain sugar and not all of them will put people’s lives in danger. Instead of raising sugary product’s prices, the government and the health sectors which are in charged must force food and drinking companies to decrease their artificial sugar usage and consider people’s health as their first priority. For instance, the government could support manufactures financially to produce the healthier products.
To begin with, nearly all products contain sugar, and not all of them endanger people's health. Rather than raising the prices of sugary products, governments and health authorities should enforce regulations requiring food and beverage companies to reduce artificial sugar content and prioritize public health. For instance, governments could provide financial incentives to manufacturers to produce healthier alternatives.
On the other hand, if the society’s awareness about the damages caused by artificial sugar on body increase, the demand for sugary products will decrease. Hence, the less of demand for unhealthy food and drink will affect the market directly and force manufactures to produce low sugar or zero sugar products. Additionally, healthy life style is todays’ trend and people are more concern about their diets. For example, those who do professional sport exercise such as cycling, running, hiking, or those who go to gym regularly, are very strict about their daily calories and try to stay fit and avoid sugar as much as possible.
On the other hand, if public awareness of the harmful effects of artificial sugar increases, demand for sugary products will decline. Consequently, reduced demand for unhealthy food and drinks will directly impact the market, compelling manufacturers to offer low-sugar or sugar-free options. Additionally, healthy lifestyles are increasingly popular, and people are more conscious of their diets. For example, those who engage in professional sports such as cycling, running, or hiking, or who regularly attend the gym, are strict about their daily calorie intake and strive to minimize sugar consumption.
In conclusion, making sugary products more expensive would not result lower consumption necessarily. There are many beneficial solutions for reducing consumers’ desire for eating or drinking manufactured sugary products.
In conclusion, making sugary products more expensive does not necessarily lead to reduced consumption. There are more effective solutions for decreasing consumers' desire for processed sugary foods and beverages.
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Overall Band Score
6.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
average
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
average
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on Your Essay

Task Achievement:

  • Your essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position (disagreeing with the idea of increasing sugar prices). However, the argument could be more developed with stronger evidence or data to support your claims.
  • The examples provided (government support for healthier products and health-conscious consumers) are relevant but somewhat vague. More specific details (e.g., real-world policies or statistics) would strengthen your argument.
  • The conclusion restates your position but could summarize key points more effectively.

Coherence and Cohesion:

  • The essay is logically structured, with clear paragraphs for each main idea. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, "On the other hand" is used correctly, but phrases like "Additionally" could be more varied.
  • Some sentences are awkwardly phrased (e.g., "the government and the health sectors which are in charged must force food and drinking companies"). Rephrasing for clarity would improve readability.

Lexical Resource:

  • You use a range of vocabulary (e.g., "artificial sugar," "health-conscious," "manufacturers"), but some word choices are unnatural or incorrect (e.g., "health sectors which are in charged" → "health sectors in charge").
  • Avoid minor errors like "less of demand" (should be "lower demand") and "todays’ trend" (should be "today’s trend").

Grammatical Range and Accuracy:

  • There are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement ("the government ... must force" is correct, but "sectors ... must force" is unclear) and article misuse ("the healthier products" → "healthier products").
  • Some sentences are fragmented or overly complex (e.g., "Instead of raising sugary product’s prices, the government and the health sectors which are in charged must force..."). Simplifying these would improve clarity.

Suggestions for Improvement:

  • Strengthen arguments with specific examples (e.g., countries that reduced sugar consumption without price hikes).
  • Proofread for grammar and word choice to avoid minor errors.
  • Vary linking words (e.g., "Furthermore," "Moreover") for better cohesion.

Overall, your essay presents a clear stance and logical structure but would benefit from more precise language, stronger examples, and improved grammar. Keep practicing!