Question: It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their perso...

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It is crucial for people to take risks, in the both oftheir professional and their private aspects of their lives. However, I believe none of the advantages or disadvantages of taking risks can’t outweigh each other.in In the following paragraphs, I will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks. Firstly, on the one hand, taking risks means you can earn more opportunityopportunities in your private and professional life. For example, people who takestake risks can enhance their positions in their careercareers; by taking more risks, they can be sure that none of the potential opportunities have been lost and that they have tried all of the possibilities to improve their careercareers in both of work and educationeducational situations. Furthermore, people who takestake risks as regular thing regularly can be more successful in their private lives and their private relations relationships because they have more chances to meet better people, and they have an opportunity to meet their soul mate at least more than otherothers. On the other hand, taking too muchmany risks can fire back backfire and makesmake everything worse. For example, taking risks for enhancingto enhance your job career can leadslead you to lose your current position or can cause a loss of wealth lose when you invest on the in risky businesses. Additionally, however, taking risks in private life can lead us to find better people or makes a create stronger boundaries with our dearloved ones; however, also it could also lead us to lose our private relationsrelationships and ruin our relationsconnections. In conclusion, itsit is obvious that taking risks havehas both positive and negative aspects. It can affect us in various ways. So it is more complicated which of the advantages or disadvantages can outweigh the other. As aFor this reason, I believe none of them cannotcan outweigh the other, one and the benefits and negative sides can be true only into some extents extent.
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Overall Band Score
5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
weak
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
average
Word Count
sufficient
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Task Achievement

  • Addressing the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks in professional and personal lives. However, the conclusion is somewhat unclear as it states that neither outweighs the other, which contradicts the prompt's requirement to evaluate whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
  • Examples and Support: The essay provides examples to support the points made, such as career advancement and personal relationships. However, these examples could be more specific and detailed to strengthen the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Structure: The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the introduction could be clearer in stating the writer's position.
  • Logical Flow: The transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences and linking words to guide the reader through the argument.
  • Conclusion: The conclusion attempts to summarize the discussion but lacks a definitive stance. It would be more effective if it clearly stated whether the advantages or disadvantages are more significant.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are some repetitive phrases such as "taking risks" and "private life." Try to use synonyms or varied expressions to enhance lexical resource.
  • Word Choice: Some word choices are awkward or incorrect, such as "fire back" which should be "backfire," and "wealth lose" which should be "loss of wealth."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentences, but there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, "people who takes risks" should be "people who take risks."
  • Punctuation and Spelling: There are punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect use of periods. Additionally, "its" should be "it's" in the conclusion.
  • Verb Tense and Agreement: Ensure subject-verb agreement is correct, and maintain consistent verb tenses throughout the essay.

Recommendations

  1. Clarify Position: Clearly state your position in the introduction and ensure the conclusion reflects this stance.
  2. Enhance Coherence: Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
  3. Expand Examples: Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your points.
  4. Improve Grammar: Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and correct punctuation.
  5. Vary Vocabulary: Use a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition and demonstrate lexical resource.

By addressing these areas, the essay can be more effective in responding to the prompt and demonstrating a higher level of writing proficiency.