Question: Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages...
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People often claim that one of the goodbest ways of bringing people of different cultures and ages together is music. I strongly agree with the given statement, and this essay will argue that, music provides inreconnection of variety ofa connection between various countries and is universal among all generations.
Music is one of the most simple simplestways of connecting people from all around the world together. It is easy to underestandunderstand by individuals even if they can not cannotspeak that language. For instance, Michel Jacson,Michael Jackson sang songs in englishEnglish about africanAfrican people who were in bad situation of lifedifficult situations, while this song broughtevoked the same feeling for the majority of people from other countries to understand the issue and try to help, so this song could brought an intention bring attentiontowards the people in africaAfrica and providesprovided a large amount of investment for them ,by richwealthy people from other sideparts of the world.
In addition, music has the same language among people of different ages of people and it is easy to underestandunderstand. A child could listen to the same music as an alderlyelderly person, which can simpley makesimply create a bond amongbetween these generations. For example, the national music of each country is memorisedremembered by allthe entire population of that specific country, that which keeps them all together singing whileduring special occasions like olympics winningOlympic victories or even winning a war, so this can strongly share the same feelings betweenamong all people onin that moment and keeps them together despite their age or education level.
In conclusion, people from different cultures and ages could be brought together via music, which I believe that it is connecting connectsall regions of the world together and it is the easiest language among different generationgenerations.
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Feedback on Your Essay
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear opinion, agreeing that music unites people across cultures and ages. However, the argument could be more developed with additional examples or deeper analysis.
Some points are repetitive (e.g., "music is easy to understand" is mentioned multiple times without much variation).
The example of Michael Jackson is relevant but could be more detailed (e.g., mentioning the song title or specific impact).
The conclusion restates the opinion but does not summarize key points effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure (introduction, body paragraphs, conclusion), but transitions between ideas could be smoother.
Some sentences are awkwardly phrased, making the flow less natural (e.g., "music provides inreconnection of variety of countries").
The second body paragraph jumps from Michael Jackson to national music without a clear link. A transition sentence would help.
Repetition of "underestand" (should be "understand") and other minor errors affect readability.
Lexical Resource
There are some spelling and word choice errors (e.g., "inreconnection," "alderly," "memorised").
Vocabulary is somewhat limited—phrases like "good ways," "simple ways," and "same feeling" could be more varied (e.g., "powerful medium," "shared emotions").
Some expressions are unclear or unnatural (e.g., "brought an intention towards the people in africa").
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Several grammatical errors affect clarity:
Subject-verb agreement: "Michel Jacson, sang songs in english about african people who were in bad situation of life" → "Michael Jackson sang songs in English about African people who were in difficult situations."
Tense inconsistency: "this song could brought" → "this song could bring."
Article misuse: "a large amount of investment for them ,by rich people" → "a large amount of investment from wealthy individuals."
Run-on sentences: The second body paragraph has overly long sentences that could be split for clarity.
Suggestions for Improvement
Expand and refine examples: Provide more specific details (e.g., song names, historical events).
Improve transitions: Use linking words (e.g., "Furthermore," "Moreover") to connect ideas smoothly.
Proofread for grammar and spelling: Review verb tenses, articles, and word forms.
Vary vocabulary: Replace repetitive phrases with more precise terms.
Clarify awkward phrasing: Rewrite unclear sentences for better flow.
Overall, your essay presents a clear stance but would benefit from more precise language, stronger examples, and better grammatical control. Keep practicing!