Question: In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population i...
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In many contriescountries around The Worldthe world, rural people are moving to cities. So the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? examplesExamples from your own knowledge or experience.
Overpopulation in mega cities, particularly in developed countries, has posed governments a great burden, and the most recognizedrecognised reason is the rural immigration. On the other sidehand, governments have brought this to their own upon themselvesby placing the main substatialsubstantial facilities and organizationorganisations in these cities. I believe, although these mega cities need an extensive workforce, with toughtfulthoughtful strategies and policies, governments can manage the situation more effectively.
On the one hand, when governments dedicate most of their budget to provide cities with great services and facilities, it makes the rusticsrural population feel overlooked. Besides, when cities become the centercentre of all activities, there will be more job opportunities as well. Those in villages who do not desire to work in rural jobs decide to come to cities in pursuit of other positions. I believe about two decades ago this system was working perfectely,perfectly; however, now due to overpopulation, the countrysides are expanding. Actually, the problem in here is not only expanding cities but also the weakening of the rural economy. RusticsRural populations are still thea crucial part of countriesthe country's economy, and by their depopulation, governments will take the main hit.
The demographic ratedrates portray that the population of the rusticsrural areas has diminished, meanwhile the numbers in cities are rising. The worst mistake of govrnmentthe government was advetizing the city-advertising citylife and disparaging the rerul-rurallife. When the delusional idea of livinigliving a perfect life in cities became widespread, there was no cessation there. These demographic shifts were not only the rusltsresults of job opportunities in the cities,; it was also due to the cultural changes that made the rusticsrural populations more willing to live in the cities. For example, there are more advertisements occuringoccurring in the city site rather than than inrural sitesareas.
In conclusion, from both city and rural sides, these changes have caused several problems which we can now can clearly see. The outcomes of this situation are destructive to the economy, and govenmentsgovernments should use proper policies to avoid them.
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Task Achievement
Addressing the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the movement of rural populations to cities and its implications. However, it lacks a clear stance on whether this is a positive or negative development. The essay should explicitly state the writer's position in the introduction and reinforce it in the conclusion.
Examples and Support: While the essay mentions some reasons for rural-to-urban migration, such as job opportunities and cultural changes, it lacks specific examples or evidence to support these claims. Including concrete examples or data would strengthen the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Structure and Organization: The essay is organized into paragraphs, but the structure could be improved. The introduction should clearly state the writer's position. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, and the essay should follow a logical progression of ideas.
Linking Words: The use of linking words and phrases is somewhat inconsistent. Phrases like "On the one hand" and "In conclusion" are used, but more cohesive devices are needed to connect ideas smoothly between sentences and paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., "contries," "substatial," "perfectely," "govrnment," "advetizing," "rerul-life," "ruslts"). These errors can detract from the overall impression of the essay.
Word Choice: Some word choices are awkward or incorrect, such as "rustics" instead of "rural people" or "rural inhabitants." More precise and varied vocabulary would enhance the essay.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar: The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("the population in the countryside is decreasing" should be "the population in the countryside is decreasing"), incorrect verb forms ("has posed" should be "have posed"), and sentence fragments.
Sentence Structure: There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, but some sentences are overly complex or unclear. Simplifying sentence structures and ensuring clarity would improve readability.
Recommendations
Clarify Position: Clearly state whether you believe the migration from rural areas to cities is a positive or negative development in the introduction and conclusion.
Provide Examples: Include specific examples or data to support your arguments, making them more convincing.
Improve Cohesion: Use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea.
Enhance Vocabulary: Correct spelling errors and use more precise vocabulary to convey your ideas effectively.
Check Grammar: Review grammar rules, especially subject-verb agreement and verb forms, to reduce errors and improve sentence clarity.