Question: Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory j...
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There is an opposing view as to whether to get along with a bad situation, such as lack of occupational fulfillment, or try to make a difference. In this essay I will discuss both perspectives and explain why I strongly agree with the latter view.
It is believed by many that they should accept what they are dealing with, since it is a part of their destiny and they have no control over it. For example, a number of individuals who suffer from severe diseases, do not usually show any willingness to be treated, as they believe their lives have to be like this and its thierit is their fate. Besides, a mojoritymajority of people do not want to bother themselves and improve the stage which thay theyare stuck in, spite of despitebeing aware of its drawbacks. Some even assume it is considered as greed, greedyif they try to change circumstances, such as trying to get a promotion in their workplace.
On the other hand, most people think they should not be content with their current situation. They argue, although human beingbeings must avoid being greedy, it is a part of their nature to have a tendency to boost their quality of life and reach the perfection. MoreovereMoreover, they believe if primitive humans had not taken any steps toward a more modern life,many state-of-the-art gadgets and cutting-edge tools havewould not have been created.
In conclusion, I believe it is not only is benefitial beneficialto change a bad situation in order to havinghave a better life, but also it is necessary if we want to witness of development in the world.
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Feedback on the Essay
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both views and presents a clear opinion, fulfilling the task requirements. However, the discussion of the first view (accepting a bad situation) is somewhat underdeveloped compared to the second view (improving the situation).
The examples provided (people with diseases, workplace promotions) are relevant but could be expanded for better clarity and depth.
The conclusion restates the opinion but could be more nuanced, acknowledging potential counterarguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with clear paragraphing (introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion).
Some sentences are awkwardly phrased, affecting readability (e.g., "its thier fate", "if primitive humans had not taken any steps toward a more modern life, many state-of-the-art gadgets and cutting-edge tools have not been created").
Transition words ("Besides," "On the other hand," "Moreover") are used, but some connections between ideas could be smoother.
Lexical Resource
There is a range of vocabulary ("occupational fulfillment," "cutting-edge tools," "state-of-the-art gadgets"), but some word choices are incorrect or unnatural ("benefitial," "moreovere," "thier").
Some phrases are repetitive ("bad situation" appears multiple times without variation).
Spelling and word form errors ("mojority," "the stage which thay are stuck") reduce clarity.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement ("human being must avoid" → "human beings must avoid"), incorrect verb tenses ("have not been created" should be "would not have been created"), and missing articles ("a mojority" → "a majority").
Some sentences are fragmented or unclear ("if they try to change circumstances, such as trying to get promotion in their workplace" could be rephrased for better flow).
The phrase "not only is benefitial to change bad situation in order to having better life" contains multiple errors (should be "not only is it beneficial to change a bad situation in order to have a better life").
Suggestions for Improvement
Expand on Both Views Equally – Provide more detailed examples and reasoning for why some people accept bad situations.
Improve Grammar & Word Choice – Proofread carefully for spelling, verb tense, and article errors. Use a dictionary or grammar checker.
Enhance Sentence Structure – Avoid awkward phrasing and ensure sentences are complete and logically connected.
Vary Vocabulary – Use synonyms (e.g., "adverse circumstances" instead of "bad situation") to avoid repetition.
Overall, the essay presents a coherent argument but would benefit from greater accuracy and depth in language use.