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Question: Some people think that competition at work, at school, and in daily life is a good thing. ...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
There is a divided idea in terms of competing in any stagesstage of your life or just dodoing what you have been told you to do and enjoyenjoying your life and just trytrying to cooperate,. I strongly agree that your life should be just for having positive energy due to havehaving less stress and even creating your workplace or school toas a happy place. First and foremost, most of the individuals think that our life is just like a massive competition in which we are not just normal humans and we are but players who must compete to achieve any successful opportunity in our life. This believe,belief will have some consequences in our life; for example, with this vision, after a while, we will not have any social connection to our society, and after some time, people will lose their interest. For instance, imagine a student thatwho has a presentation to make in a world full of stress ofabout being number one in any stage of your life,; that student will fail in that presentation because he has so much stress ofabout being the one who is the most complete human in the world. On the other hand, I believe that every human havehas the rightsright to do whatever they desire in their life and to cooperate more, although this might be a bad influence or lazzinesslaziness. For example, a person who just cooperates with others in any situation, wheterwhether it is school or work placethe workplace, has a chance to create more friendships, spendingspend more time with others, and doingdo their jobs with less stress because it is not a competition. To conclude, I believe that, at the end of the day, you may achieve what you wantedwant by thinking that you are in a competition, but in order to have less stress and be a communicative human, you better do not take life very seriously and just cooperate.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
There is a divided idea in terms of competing in any stages of your life or just do what you have been told you to do and enjoy your life and just try to cooperate, I strongly agree that your life should be just for having positive energy due to have less stress and even creating your workplace or school to a happy place.
There is a divided opinion regarding whether life should be viewed as a competition at every stage or if one should simply follow instructions, enjoy life, and strive for cooperation. I strongly believe that life should be focused on cultivating positive energy, as this leads to reduced stress and the creation of a happy environment in both the workplace and school.
First and foremost, most of the individuals think that our life is just like a massive competition which we are not just normal humans and we are players who must compete to achieve any successful opportunity in our life. This believe, will have some consequences in our life for example with this vision after a while we will not have any social connection to our society and after some time, people will lose their interest. For instance, imagine a student that has a presentation to make in a world full of stress of being number one in any stage of your life, that student will fail in that presentation because he has so much stress of being the one who is the most complete human in the world.
First and foremost, many individuals perceive life as a massive competition, viewing themselves not as ordinary humans but as players who must compete to seize every successful opportunity. This belief can have detrimental consequences; for instance, it may lead to a lack of social connections within society, causing people to lose interest in meaningful relationships over time. Imagine a student tasked with delivering a presentation in a world filled with the stress of being number one. This student may struggle and ultimately fail due to the overwhelming pressure to be the most accomplished individual.
On the other hand, I believe that every human have the rights to do whatever they desire in their life and to cooperate more, although this might be bad influence or lazziness. For example, a person who just cooperates with others in any situation, wheter it is school or work place has a chance to create more friendships, spending more time with others and doing their jobs with less stress because it is not a competition.
On the other hand, I believe that every person has the right to pursue their desires and engage in cooperation, even if this may sometimes lead to negative influences or perceived laziness. For example, an individual who collaborates with others in various situations, whether in school or the workplace, has the opportunity to forge friendships, spend quality time with others, and perform their tasks with less stress, as the environment is not competitive.
To conclude, I believe that, at the end of the day you may achieve what you wanted by thinking that you are in a competition, but in order to have less stress and be a communicative human you better do not take life very seriously and just cooperate.
In conclusion, while it is possible to achieve one's goals by adopting a competitive mindset, I believe that to reduce stress and foster effective communication, it is better to approach life with a sense of cooperation and not take it too seriously.
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Overall Band Score
5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
weak
Spelling
average
Grammar Accuracy
weak
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
weak
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
average
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Task Achievement

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on competition and cooperation. However, the response could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that outlines the writer's stance more explicitly. While the writer expresses a preference for cooperation, the argument could be strengthened by providing more specific examples and evidence to support this viewpoint. Additionally, the essay could explore the potential benefits of competition more thoroughly to provide a balanced discussion.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the negative aspects of competition to the benefits of cooperation could be more clearly signposted. Using linking words and phrases such as "however," "on the other hand," and "furthermore" would enhance the flow of the essay.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used in the essay is appropriate, but there is room for improvement in terms of variety and precision. Phrases like "massive competition" and "world full of stress" could be replaced with more specific terms. Additionally, there are some spelling and grammatical errors, such as "lazziness" (should be "laziness") and "wheter" (should be "whether"), which should be corrected to improve clarity.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors that affect readability. For example, the sentence "This believe, will have some consequences in our life" should be corrected to "This belief will have some consequences in our lives." Additionally, the use of commas and conjunctions could be improved to enhance sentence structure. More complex sentence structures could be employed to demonstrate a higher level of grammatical proficiency.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Thesis Statement: Clearly state your position in the introduction and outline the main points you will discuss.
  2. Balance: Provide a more balanced discussion by elaborating on the potential benefits of competition.
  3. Examples and Evidence: Use specific examples and evidence to support your arguments for both competition and cooperation.
  4. Transitions: Use linking words and phrases to improve the coherence and flow of the essay.
  5. Vocabulary and Grammar: Expand your lexical range and ensure grammatical accuracy by proofreading for errors and varying sentence structures.

By addressing these areas, the essay will be more effective in conveying a well-rounded argument and demonstrating a higher level of writing proficiency.