Feedback on Your Essay

Task Achievement

• Position Clarity: Your stance (agreeing with the idea of making sugary products more expensive) is clear, but it could be more strongly stated in the introduction.
• Supporting Arguments: You provide relevant points (lifestyle changes, addiction to sugary drinks, cost influencing choices), but some arguments lack depth. For example, you mention that people may choose healthier options if sugary products are expensive, but this could be expanded with evidence or examples.
• Conclusion: The conclusion restates your position but could summarize key points more effectively.

Coherence and Cohesion

• Logical Flow: The essay has a basic structure (introduction, body paragraphs, conclusion), but some ideas are not smoothly connected. For example, the transition between lifestyle changes and the suggestion of increasing prices could be clearer.
• Linking Words: Some transitions are missing or awkward ("Moreover, as we have fast-paced lives" could be smoother). Use more cohesive devices (e.g., "Furthermore," "Consequently," "As a result").
• Paragraphing: Each paragraph has a central idea, but some sentences are disjointed (e.g., the last sentence in the second paragraph about producers being "unsatisfied" is unclear).

Lexical Resource

• Word Choice: Some words are misused or awkward ("reached in sugar" should be "rich in sugar," "anotable" should be "a notable," "healtheir" should be "healthier").
• Repetition: "Products" and "sugar" are repeated frequently. Try using synonyms (e.g., "sugary items," "processed foods").
• Spelling & Grammar Errors: Several errors affect clarity ("groeing" → "growing," "cintain" → "contain," "vy" → "with").

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

• Sentence Structure: Some sentences are fragmented or unclear ("We are seen some significant changes" → "We have seen significant changes").
• Tense Errors: "Do not have enough mobility cause some health issues" should be "does not provide enough mobility, which causes health issues."
• Subject-Verb Agreement: "Some people suggest that making that products more expensive can reduce the amount of their customers" → "making those products more expensive can reduce their customer base."

Suggestions for Improvement

1. Clarify Arguments: Strengthen your reasoning with examples (e.g., studies showing price increases reduce consumption).
2. Improve Cohesion: Use more linking words and ensure each paragraph flows logically.
3. Proofread Carefully: Correct spelling and grammar mistakes to enhance clarity.
4. Expand Vocabulary: Use synonyms and more precise phrasing to avoid repetition.

Overall, your essay addresses the prompt but would benefit from clearer development of ideas and stronger language control. Keep practicing!