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Question: Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you t...

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Nowadays, some children spend long hours a day on their smartphones. This essay will outline why this is this the case and I think it is a negative development, so thatI will mention some reasons to support this view. Technology has revolutionizedrevolutionised every aspectsaspect of life and overusingoveruse by children is not an exception. This case has several reasons and one of them is; that today the majority of people live in a flatflats; consequently, consequently children do not have the opportunity to play in open areas and release their energy perfectlyeffectively. In addition, the graphicgraphics of online games attract them easily, because they are produced by professionals with thisthe purpose to attractof attracting children. For example, there are plenty of special online games, which in every specific group of children are the most popular, and they tend to spend hours on thosethem. Additionally, there are several disadvantages for overusingto the overuse of smartphones. firstFirst of all, children become dedicatededicated to their smartphones, so they refuse to participate in family gatheringgatherings or any communicationscommunication. Moreover, they will suffer from physical problems, such as weak eyes oreyesight, neck pain, in their neck and headacheheadaches. But the worst result is that after a while, they are not able to concentrate perfectlyeffectively, thatwhich will raise the educational problems. In conclusion, there isare some circumstances that encourage children to use of the smartphones, but spending hours on them every day havehas huge disadvantages for them, and although smartphones can be beneficial for their educational purposes or staying in touch with their peers, overusing makeoveruse makes them dedicatededicated.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Nowadays some children spend long hours a day on their smartphones. This essay will outline why is this the case and I think it is a negative development, so that mention some reasons to support this view.
Nowadays, some children spend long hours each day on their smartphones. This essay will outline the reasons for this trend and argue that it is a negative development, providing several reasons to support this view.
Technology has revolutionized every aspects of life and overusing by children is not an exception. This case has several reasons and one of them is; today the majority of people live in a flat, consequently children do not have the opportunity to play in open areas and release their energy perfectly. In addition, the graphic of online games attract them easily, because they are produced by professionals with this purpose to attract children. For example there are plenty of special online games, which in every specific group of children are the most popular, and they tend to spend hours on those.
Technology has revolutionized every aspect of life, and the overuse of smartphones by children is no exception. There are several reasons for this phenomenon. One significant factor is that the majority of people today live in apartments, which limits children's opportunities to play in open areas and expend their energy in a healthy way. Additionally, the graphics of online games easily attract children, as they are designed by professionals specifically to engage young audiences. For example, there are numerous online games that are particularly popular among specific age groups, leading children to spend hours immersed in them.
Additionally, there are several disadvantages for overusing of smartphones. first of all, children become dedicate to their smartphones, so they refuse to participate in family gathering or any communications. Moreover they will suffer from physical problems, such as weak eyes or pain in their neck and headache. But the worst result is after a while they are not able to concentrate perfectly, that will raise the educational problems.
Furthermore, there are several disadvantages associated with excessive smartphone use. First of all, children can become overly dedicated to their devices, often refusing to participate in family gatherings or engage in face-to-face communication. Moreover, they may suffer from physical problems, such as eye strain, neck pain, and headaches. The most concerning consequence is that, over time, they may struggle to concentrate effectively, which can lead to significant educational challenges.
In conclusion, there is some circumstances that encourage children to use of the smartphones, but spending hours on them every day have huge disadvantages for them, and although smartphones can be beneficial for their educational purposes or staying in touch with their peers, overusing make them dedicate.
In conclusion, while there are circumstances that encourage children to use smartphones, spending excessive hours on them each day has substantial disadvantages. Although smartphones can be beneficial for educational purposes and for staying in touch with peers, overuse can lead to detrimental effects on their social interactions and overall well-being.
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Overall Band Score
5.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
average
Grammar Accuracy
weak
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
average
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • Addressing the Prompt: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing why children spend hours on smartphones and evaluating whether this is a positive or negative development. However, the reasons provided could be expanded with more depth and examples.
  • Position: The writer clearly states their position that this is a negative development, which is maintained throughout the essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Structure: The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the introduction could be more engaging and concise. The phrase "so that mention some reasons to support this view" is awkward and could be rephrased for clarity.
  • Cohesion: The use of linking words and phrases (e.g., "in addition," "for example," "moreover") helps in maintaining the flow of ideas. However, some transitions could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the reasons for smartphone use and its disadvantages could be more clearly delineated.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The vocabulary is generally appropriate, but there are some awkward phrases and word choices, such as "dedicate to their smartphones" which should be "addicted to their smartphones." Additionally, "release their energy perfectly" could be rephrased to "release their energy effectively."
  • Variety: There is a reasonable range of vocabulary, but further variety and precision could enhance the essay.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentences. However, some sentences are awkwardly constructed, such as "Technology has revolutionized every aspects of life and overusing by children is not an exception."
  • Grammar: There are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement ("every aspects" should be "every aspect"), incorrect use of articles, and capitalization errors ("first of all" should be "First of all").
  • Punctuation: Punctuation is generally correct, but there are some missing commas that could improve readability.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Expand on Ideas: Provide more detailed examples and explanations for why children are drawn to smartphones and the specific negative impacts.
  2. Improve Clarity: Rephrase awkward sentences and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea.
  3. Enhance Vocabulary: Use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure word choices are precise and appropriate.
  4. Check Grammar: Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure to avoid grammatical errors.
  5. Refine Transitions: Use more effective transitions to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.

By addressing these areas, the essay can be more coherent, engaging, and persuasive.