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Question: Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which cause many h...

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Some people believe that plenty of eatableedible and drinkable substances that are high in sugar should be increased in price, which leads to a reduction of their health risks. I personally agree with this viewpoint. It is widely accepted that highly expensive sugary products might decrease the number of their usersconsumers. This is because a common-sense approach would normally would ratherprefer to spend huge amounts of money on curbing their problems, such as healthyhealth issues, rather than providingcreating unhealthy situations for themselves. To clarify, pricypricey sugary food as well as beverages could be taken into account wisely as a preventative measure that is going to dash consumers’ hopes toof conscientiously buybuying health problems. In addition to this, not only will this attitude benefit the economic situation of customers, but it will also protect them from a large number of preventable diseases such as overweight and type 2 diabetes. However, various other various fundamental methods, apart from thatthose mentioned above, could havemake sugar-rich substances on publicity’s mind so harmfulseem less harmful to the public. Firstly, individuals must be alarmed warned about the disadvantages of sugary products, —obesity, tooth decay, heart attack, storkstroke, and diabetes, for instance, —via schools, media, and public conferences of the healthcare system , as well. Secondly, consumers must be repeatedly pointed out reminded to check the ingredients on food and drink labels and make sure that they reduce their intake of those that are high in sugar. Thirdly, manufacturesmanufacturers should be supervised to lower the percentage of synthetic sugar and alternatereplace it with natural sugar. In conclusion, in my opinion, there are many practical plans that cause lowering thecan lead to lower use of sugary food and drink and ultimately reduce the risk of unhealthiness ofin humans. Needless to say, enhancement in increasing the cost of sugary products is considered as a superficial solution.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Some people believe that plenty of eatable and drinkable substances that are high in sugar should be increased in price which leads to reduction of their health risks. I personally agree with this viewpoint.
Some people believe that food and drink products high in sugar should be made more expensive to reduce their consumption and associated health risks. I strongly agree with this perspective.
It is widely accepted that highly expensive sugary products might decrease the number of their users. This is because a common-sense approach normally would rather spend huge amounts of money on curbing their problems such as healthy issues rather than providing unhealthy situations for themselves. To clarify, pricy sugary food as well as beverages could be taken into account wisely as a preventative measure that is going to dash consumers’ hopes to conscientiously buy health problems. In addition to this, not only will this attitude benefit the economic situation of customers, but protect them from a large number of preventable diseases such as overweight and type 2 diabetes.
It is widely acknowledged that increasing the price of sugary products would likely decrease their consumption. When these items become more expensive, consumers tend to make more thoughtful purchasing decisions, prioritizing their health and finances. Higher prices could serve as an effective deterrent, discouraging people from regularly buying unhealthy products that contribute to preventable conditions like obesity and type 2 diabetes. Furthermore, this approach not only promotes better health outcomes but also reduces long-term healthcare costs for individuals.
However, other various fundamental methods, apart from that mentioned above, could have sugar-rich substances on publicity’s mind so harmful. Firstly, individuals must be alarmed about the disadvantages of sugary products, obesity, tooth decay, heart attack, stork, and diabetes for instance, via schools, media, and public conferences of the healthcare system , as well. Secondly, consumers must be repeatedly pointed out to check the ingredients on food and drink labels and make sure that they reduce their intake of those that are high in sugar. Thirdly, manufactures should be supervised to lower the percentage of synthetic sugar and alternate with natural sugar.
However, pricing measures alone are insufficient. Additional strategies should be implemented to address excessive sugar consumption. First, public awareness campaigns through schools, media, and healthcare initiatives should educate people about the dangers of high sugar intake, including obesity, tooth decay, and cardiovascular diseases. Second, consumers should be encouraged to read nutrition labels carefully and consciously reduce their sugar consumption. Third, manufacturers should be regulated to decrease artificial sugar content and promote healthier alternatives.
In conclusion, in my opinion there are many practical plans that cause lowering the use of sugary food and drink and ultimately the risk of unhealthiness of humans. Needless to say, enhancement in the cost of sugary products is considered as a superficial solution.
In conclusion, while raising prices on sugary products is a step in the right direction, it must be combined with education, consumer awareness, and industry regulation for maximum effectiveness in reducing sugar-related health risks.
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Overall Band Score
6
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
strong
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on Your Essay

Task Achievement

  • Clarity of Position: Your stance is clear—you agree that increasing the price of sugary products can reduce consumption. However, the introduction could be more concise.
  • Supporting Arguments: You provide relevant reasons (economic disincentive, health benefits) but some points are overly wordy. For example, "pricy sugary food as well as beverages could be taken into account wisely as a preventative measure" could be simplified.
  • Counterarguments & Alternatives: You discuss alternative solutions (education, labeling, regulation), which strengthens your argument. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Logical Flow: The essay has a structure (introduction, body paragraphs, conclusion), but some sentences are convoluted, making the argument harder to follow.
  • Linking Words: You use some cohesive devices (In addition to this, However, Firstly, Secondly), but some transitions feel abrupt. For example, the shift from price increases to education is sudden.
  • Paragraphing: The second body paragraph is too long—consider splitting it for better readability.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary Range: You use varied vocabulary (preventative measure, synthetic sugar, intake), but some phrases are awkward ("eatable and drinkable substances" could be "processed foods and beverages").
  • Word Choice & Accuracy: Some words are misused ("stork" should be "stroke"; "publicity’s mind" is unclear). Avoid overly complex phrasing ("dash consumers’ hopes to conscientiously buy health problems").

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: Some sentences are grammatically incorrect or unnatural ("plenty of eatable and drinkable substances"). Work on clarity and conciseness.
  • Grammar Errors:
    • "Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar." (This is the prompt—don’t copy it directly.)
    • "a common-sense approach normally would rather spend huge amounts of money on curbing their problems" (Unclear subject-verb agreement.)
    • "Thirdly, manufactures should be supervised" (manufacturers is the correct word).

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Simplify Sentences: Avoid overly complex phrasing. For example:

    • Original: "pricy sugary food as well as beverages could be taken into account wisely as a preventative measure"
    • Revised: "Higher prices could discourage excessive sugar consumption."

  2. Improve Transitions: Make connections between ideas smoother.

    • Example: "While raising prices may help, education and regulation are also essential."

  3. Proofread for Errors: Check for spelling (stroke, not stork), word choice (manufacturers), and grammar.

  4. Balance Paragraph Length: The second body paragraph is too long—split it into two (one on education, one on regulation).

  5. Avoid Repetition: The conclusion repeats ideas without adding new insights. Summarize key points more concisely.

Overall, your essay presents a clear argument but would benefit from clearer expression, better grammar, and tighter organization. Keep practicing!