Question: In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging...

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These days, life expectancy has increased significantly due to various reasons, and people are likely to live longer than ever before. However, while some believe that the elderly are beneficial to society, they also have certain drawbacks. On the one hand, it is beneficialadvantageous to have an ageing population in society. The first benefit is their wisdom and experience. Elderly people bring a wealth of knowledge, skills, and cultural values, which can guide younger generations. Similarly, this process can preserve traditiontraditions. Secondly, the elderly can act as mentors, offering life advice and support within families and communities, fostering stronger bonds and providing stability. Finally, many elderly individuals volunteer, contributing to community services, non-profits, and social causes, which benefits society as a whole. On the other hand, having an ageing population may have some negativesdownsides. Firstly, with fewer young people, there may be a gap in innovation, productivity, and fresh ideas, which can impact the dynamism of society. The second area is pension strain. Public pension systems face stresspressure when more people retire than enter the workforce, potentially leading to funding shortfalls and financial burdens on governments. The final area of concern is increased healthcare costs. In other words, governments may struggle with higher healthcare expenses, as elderly people typically require more medical services and long-term care. In conclusion, while the elderly can guide the younger generation with their knowledge and cultural values, this may also may lead governments to struggle with healthcare expenses. Therefore, it is better for governments to find a source of income to cover the expensescosts of the elderly.
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Overall Band Score
7.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
strong
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
average
Word Count
sufficient
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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of an aging population. However, the conclusion could be more explicit in stating whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or vice versa. The essay ends with a suggestion for governments, which slightly deviates from directly answering the prompt.
  • Ideas and Examples: The essay provides relevant ideas and examples, such as the wisdom and experience of the elderly, their role as mentors, and their contribution to community services. On the downside, it mentions pension strain and healthcare costs. However, the essay could benefit from more specific examples or data to strengthen the arguments.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages. The use of linking words like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" helps in maintaining coherence.
  • Logical Flow: The ideas flow logically from one to the next, but the transition to the conclusion could be smoother. The conclusion introduces a new idea about government funding, which might be better placed in the body paragraphs.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, with terms like "life expectancy," "wisdom," "mentors," "pension strain," and "healthcare expenses." However, there is room for more sophisticated vocabulary to enhance the essay.
  • Word Choice: Some phrases could be more precise. For example, "this process can preserve tradition" could be rephrased for clarity.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex sentences. However, some sentences could be more concise.
  • Grammar and Punctuation: The grammar is generally accurate, but there are minor issues, such as the use of "the elderly are beneficial" which could be "the elderly can be beneficial."

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Clarify the Conclusion: Make a clear statement in the conclusion about whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
  2. Provide Specific Examples: Include specific examples or data to support the points made, particularly in the discussion of disadvantages.
  3. Enhance Vocabulary: Use more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to improve the lexical resource.
  4. Refine Sentence Structure: Ensure sentences are concise and clear, avoiding any ambiguity.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and addresses the prompt, but it could be improved with a clearer conclusion and more detailed examples.