Question: In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard ...
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
In number of cultures, individuals told to children if they try as hard as they can, they are able to achieve anything that they want. This opinion has its own advantages and disadvantages. This essay discusses both side views, and I explain my personal opinion.
A number of people argue that it is crucial to teach children to fight for their goals. This group believe that there is nothing as impossible and they teach their child to fight for their wishes and at the end there is no doubt that they will be successful. For instance, if a subject is hard at school and a child thinks it is not in his/ her power to get a great score on exam, parents try to enhance their child’s confidence and help him/ her to achieve a high score. This has a significant impact on self-confidence and hardworking behavior in children and it is obviously a positive outcome for parents.
On the other hand, some individuals claim that it is not a right idea. They believe that it is totally acceptable that every person will experience failure even after hardworking, and nonstop efforts. They argue that children ought to be prepare to face with this situation and learn from their experiences and improve their skills and broaden their knowledge. For example, if a child tries hard to get a golden medal at a competition and do not win the final, this person has to be aware that it was his/ her destiny and the winner probably tried harder than him/ her and the winner was deserved to get the gold medal.
In conclusion, I claim it as a positive lifestyle that can be taught to children. I believe that if any person set a goal and do their best, they would make that dream true, however there is some exceptions, and in some cases, individuals may achieve their goals after a short while. I am sure that not only children have to learn to be tough and a warrior but also it has to be taught them that every effort has a desirable consequence and they would reach their goals.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
In number of cultures, individuals told to children if they try as hard as they can, they are able to achieve anything that they want. This opinion has its own advantages and disadvantages. This essay discusses both side views, and I explain my personal opinion.
A number of people argue that it is crucial to teach children to fight for their goals. This group believe that there is nothing as impossible and they teach their child to fight for their wishes and at the end there is no doubt that they will be successful. For instance, if a subject is hard at school and a child thinks it is not in his/ her power to get a great score on exam, parents try to enhance their child’s confidence and help him/ her to achieve a high score. This has a significant impact on self-confidence and hardworking behavior in children and it is obviously a positive outcome for parents.
On the other hand, some individuals claim that it is not a right idea. They believe that it is totally acceptable that every person will experience failure even after hardworking, and nonstop efforts. They argue that children ought to be prepare to face with this situation and learn from their experiences and improve their skills and broaden their knowledge. For example, if a child tries hard to get a golden medal at a competition and do not win the final, this person has to be aware that it was his/ her destiny and the winner probably tried harder than him/ her and the winner was deserved to get the gold medal.
In conclusion, I claim it as a positive lifestyle that can be taught to children. I believe that if any person set a goal and do their best, they would make that dream true, however there is some exceptions, and in some cases, individuals may achieve their goals after a short while. I am sure that not only children have to learn to be tough and a warrior but also it has to be taught them that every effort has a desirable consequence and they would reach their goals.