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Question: It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their perso...

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Taking risks is indeed an irrefutable part of every person's life. It is widely accepted that risk-taking is of paramount importance in both career and private life. Although there might be some setbacks in taking risks in life, many people, myself included, opine that its benefits are far moregreater than its drawbacks. Some obstacles are pivotal to be taken into account before daring to take risks. In terms of career-related ones, one has to weigh all the options to aviodavoid making uncalculated risks. Many businesses, for instance, might gobe on the verge of bankruptcy, if their leaders do not consider the pros and cons of somecertain decisions. In addition to that, regarding personal risks, some decisions may be abrupt and even hazardous and thus result in prolonged physical or mental impacts. For example, numerous young adults are suffering from physical problems like fracturefractures or hemorrhagehaemorrhage because of driving too fast and not considering itsthe consequences. Nevertheless, the positive aspects of taking some risky decisions make them compelling for an individual. By being able to risktake risks in a job, one might not miss out on once-in-a-lifetime opportunities and is open to new chances, like a new job position or promotion. This also leads to a growth mindset which fuels an individual's mind to be more self-confident.Therfore Therefore, succeeding after taking risks stimulatestimulates a person to grow and embrace more opportunities. For example, when one becomes a successful person after risking to immigrate immigration to another country, it offers more openness to morefurther risks and thus pavingpaves the way tofor other decisions. In the final analysis, risk -taking might take tolls ina toll on occupation or personal well-being,; however, each person has to leverage taking risks due to its numerous benefits both professionally and personally.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Taking risks is indeed an irrefutable part of every person's life. It is widely accepted that risk-taking is of paramount importance in both career and private life. Although there might be some setbacks in taking risks in life , many people , myself included, opine that its benefits are far more than its drawbacks.
Taking risks is indeed an irrefutable part of every person's life. It is widely accepted that risk-taking is of paramount importance in both career and personal life. Although there may be some setbacks associated with taking risks, many people, myself included, believe that the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks.
Some obstacles are pivotal to be taken into account before daring to take risks. In terms of career-related ones, one has to weigh all the options to aviod making uncalculated risks. Many businesses, for instance, might go on the verge of bankruptcy, if their leaders do not consider the pros and cons of some decisions. In addition to that, regarding personal risks , some decisions may be abrupt and even hazardous and thus result in prolonged physical or mental impacts. For example, numerous young adults are suffering from physical problems like fracture or hemorrhage because of driving too fast and not considering its consequences.
There are several obstacles that must be considered before daring to take risks. In terms of career-related risks, one must weigh all options to avoid making uncalculated decisions. For instance, many businesses may be on the verge of bankruptcy if their leaders do not carefully consider the pros and cons of their choices. Additionally, regarding personal risks, some decisions can be abrupt and even hazardous, potentially resulting in prolonged physical or mental impacts. For example, numerous young adults suffer from physical problems such as fractures or hemorrhages due to reckless driving and a failure to consider the consequences.
Nevertheless, the positive aspects of taking some risky decisions make them compelling for an individual. By being able to risk in job, one might not miss out once-in-a-lifetime opportunities and is open to new chances, like a new job position or promotion.This also leads to a growth mindset which fuels an individual mind to be more self-confident.Therfore, succeeding after taking risks stimulate a person to grow and embrace more opportunities. For example, when one becomes a successful person after risking to immigrate to another country , it offers more openness to more risks and thus paving the way to other decisions.
Nevertheless, the positive aspects of taking certain risks make them compelling for individuals. By being willing to take risks in their careers, individuals may not miss out on once-in-a-lifetime opportunities and remain open to new possibilities, such as job positions or promotions. This mindset fosters personal growth and enhances self-confidence. Therefore, succeeding after taking risks encourages individuals to grow and embrace further opportunities. For instance, when someone becomes successful after taking the risk of immigrating to another country, it opens the door to more risks and paves the way for additional decisions.
In the final analysis, risk taking might take tolls in occupation or personal well-being, however , each person has to leverage taking risks due to its numerous benefits both professionally and personally.
In conclusion, while risk-taking may have its tolls on one’s career or personal well-being, each person must recognize the importance of embracing risks due to the numerous benefits they offer, both professionally and personally.
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Overall Band Score
7
Overview
Vocabulary Range
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Linking Words
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Spelling
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Grammar Accuracy
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Grammar Range
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Cohesion
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Paragraph Structure
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Task Response
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Word Count
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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt effectively, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks in professional and personal contexts. It clearly states the writer's opinion that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
  • Examples and Support: The essay provides relevant examples, such as businesses facing bankruptcy and young adults experiencing physical problems due to risky behavior. However, the examples could be more detailed to strengthen the argument further.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Structure and Organization: The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph has a clear focus, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
  • Use of Linking Words: Cohesive devices such as "although," "for instance," "in addition to that," "nevertheless," and "for example" are used effectively to connect ideas and paragraphs. However, some transitions could be smoother, particularly between discussing the disadvantages and advantages.

Lexical Resource

  • Range of Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with words like "irrefutable," "paramount," "abrupt," "compelling," and "leverage." This variety enhances the essay's quality.
  • Accuracy: There are minor errors, such as "aviod" instead of "avoid," which should be corrected for precision.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structures: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, which adds to the readability and sophistication of the writing.
  • Grammar and Punctuation: There are a few grammatical errors, such as missing articles ("a growth mindset" should be "a growth mindset") and punctuation issues (unnecessary spaces before commas). These should be addressed to improve accuracy.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Expand Examples: Provide more detailed examples to support your points, particularly in the discussion of advantages.
  2. Smooth Transitions: Work on making transitions between ideas smoother to enhance the flow of the essay.
  3. Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to correct minor spelling and grammatical errors.
  4. Detailed Analysis: Consider adding more analysis on how the benefits of risk-taking can outweigh the disadvantages in specific scenarios.

Overall, the essay effectively communicates the writer's viewpoint and is well-organized, but it could benefit from more detailed examples and careful proofreading.