Question: In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard ...
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
In some sociteis believe if children want something in themselves, they will try so hard to achieve it. We can seen this prespective in many cases.
There are some positive aspects for trying hardly to acquire something for children. Firstly, children learn on their own and they are more independence. Moreover, they know the value of achievements and their success are more worthy for them. For example, I tried a lot to obtain a new mobile phone, so I worked a lot and I bought it. Now I am satisfied and I appreciate to my mobile phone. Then if children work, they can help their parents especially in this bad situation.
On the other hand, there are some negative aspects for children who try a lot to accomplished their desires. Perhaps, they give up, and they can not continue the way of their success, or they quite their aims. As far as I am concered, some children who were born in poor family, have this situation as I told. They can tolerate situation and they can not achieve what they want, and also their parents can not too. Therefore, nowdays parents have not good economics and children see some thing in their school or social media, as a result they get jealous.
In conclusion, parents should meets some needs to their children besides that children should try to achieve some thing that they need. Both of them have to help each other.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
In some sociteis believe if children want something in themselves, they will try so hard to achieve it. We can seen this prespective in many cases.
There are some positive aspects for trying hardly to acquire something for children. Firstly, children learn on their own and they are more independence. Moreover, they know the value of achievements and their success are more worthy for them. For example, I tried a lot to obtain a new mobile phone, so I worked a lot and I bought it. Now I am satisfied and I appreciate to my mobile phone. Then if children work, they can help their parents especially in this bad situation.
On the other hand, there are some negative aspects for children who try a lot to accomplished their desires. Perhaps, they give up, and they can not continue the way of their success, or they quite their aims. As far as I am concered, some children who were born in poor family, have this situation as I told. They can tolerate situation and they can not achieve what they want, and also their parents can not too. Therefore, nowdays parents have not good economics and children see some thing in their school or social media, as a result they get jealous.
In conclusion, parents should meets some needs to their children besides that children should try to achieve some thing that they need. Both of them have to help each other.