Question: Some people think that competition at work, at school, and in daily life is a good thing. ...
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There has been an argument between two groups of people. Some of them belivebelieve that being copetetive ethercompetitive either at work or school can bring numerous benefits for people, while others feel that collabiration arecollaboration is far more important than being in an environment where everyone tries to stand out.
On the one hand, it is said that competition can enormeslyenormously provide multituda multitude of advantages for individuals in their daily lives. As they make an effort to foster their knowledge and skills in their area of expertise. It, it is believed that in these kindkinds of enviromentsenvironments many thrive to read more books, enroll in different cursescourses, or follow tutorials that are available on online sites to boost their information. in order to surpass from their counterparts. Furthermore, this trend helps them be more motivated. Usually, people who are recognised as the best recieve complimentionreceive compliments from others, which can posirively contributpositively contribute to their self-confidence.
On the other hand, advocatersadvocates of cooporation beleivecooperation believe that working as a team is more vitialvital than being the best person. They feel that resourcfulresourceful people who have a wealth of knowledge can share their data with others so as to help them become sucsessfulsuccessful. To them, being the best one is nowhere near as satisfactionsatisfying as witnessing others' growth. The more people achieve their goals, the more they become gratfullgrateful. Moreover, it will be created createan atmosphere that every one feel where everyone feelssafe as there is enough space to become better and better without being under the pressure of judgment or feelingfeelings of inefficientinefficiency.
Personally, I think that both being competetivecompetitive and cooperative are crutialcrucial but under certain circumstances. Although being a person who aimedaims to becomethe best in their expertiesexpertise can be beneficial as they tend to learn more, being too competetivecompetitive can lead to anxiety and stress due to perfectionism. This trend might give them a feeling that they are nitherneither enough nor competent. On the other side, despite ofthe good effects that collaboration can provide for people, which contributes to their well-being, they might finally find it exhausting and monotonous. So I feel that competition can provoke inscentivesincentives to work harder,but should be limited to evoid harmfullavoid harmful consequences.
In cunclusionconclusion, Notnot only can competion creatcompetition create an environment wherethat stimulates individuals' motivation, but it can also allow them to recievereceive valuable complementcompliments for their achievmentsachievements. On balance, I would claim that both sides are true in different ways. Because because having teamwork skills areis as essential as being competetivecompetitive in terms of having a healthier community.
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Task Achievement
Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on competition and cooperation. It also provides a personal opinion, which is essential for this type of essay.
Development of Ideas: The essay presents arguments for both competition and cooperation, but the ideas could be more thoroughly developed. For instance, examples or evidence supporting the benefits of competition and cooperation would strengthen the arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the discussion. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, using linking words or phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs would enhance the flow.
Cohesion: Some sentences are disjointed, and the use of cohesive devices is limited. Improving the use of conjunctions and transitional phrases would help in making the essay more cohesive.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., "copetetive," "collabiration," "enormesly," "multitud," "enviroments," "complimention," "posirively," "advocaters," "cooporation," "vitial," "resourcful," "sucsessful," "gratfull," "crutial," "experties," "inscentives," "evoid," "harmfull," "cunclusion," "creat," "complement," "competetive"). These errors can detract from the overall impression of the essay.
Word Choice: Some word choices are inappropriate or awkward (e.g., "enormesly provide multitud of advantages," "posirively contribut"). More precise and varied vocabulary would improve the essay.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence Structure: The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentences, but there are frequent grammatical errors that affect clarity (e.g., "it is said that competition can enormesly provide multitud of advantages," "it will be created an atmosphere that every one feel safe").
Grammar: There are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement, verb tense, and article usage. These errors can obscure meaning and should be addressed to improve clarity and coherence.
Suggestions for Improvement
Expand Ideas: Provide more detailed examples or evidence to support the arguments for both competition and cooperation.
Improve Cohesion: Use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
Enhance Vocabulary: Work on expanding vocabulary and correcting spelling errors to improve lexical resource.
Address Grammatical Errors: Focus on correcting grammatical mistakes, particularly in subject-verb agreement, verb tense, and article usage.
Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to catch and correct spelling and grammatical errors.
By addressing these areas, the essay can be significantly improved in terms of clarity, coherence, and overall effectiveness.