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Question: Some people think that competition at work, at school, and in daily life is a good thing. ...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
There has been an argument between two groups of people. Some of them belivebelieve that being copetetive ethercompetitive either at work or school can bring numerous benefits for people, while others feel that collabiration arecollaboration is far more important than being in an environment where everyone tries to stand out. On the one hand, it is said that competition can enormeslyenormously provide multituda multitude of advantages for individuals in their daily lives. As they make an effort to foster their knowledge and skills in their area of expertise. It, it is believed that in these kindkinds of enviromentsenvironments many thrive to read more books, enroll in different cursescourses, or follow tutorials that are available on online sites to boost their information. in order to surpass from their counterparts. Furthermore, this trend helps them be more motivated. Usually, people who are recognised as the best recieve complimentionreceive compliments from others, which can posirively contributpositively contribute to their self-confidence. On the other hand, advocatersadvocates of cooporation beleivecooperation believe that working as a team is more vitialvital than being the best person. They feel that resourcfulresourceful people who have a wealth of knowledge can share their data with others so as to help them become sucsessfulsuccessful. To them, being the best one is nowhere near as satisfactionsatisfying as witnessing others' growth. The more people achieve their goals, the more they become gratfullgrateful. Moreover, it will be created create an atmosphere that every one feel where everyone feels safe as there is enough space to become better and better without being under the pressure of judgment or feelingfeelings of inefficientinefficiency. Personally, I think that both being competetivecompetitive and cooperative are crutialcrucial but under certain circumstances. Although being a person who aimedaims to become the best in their expertiesexpertise can be beneficial as they tend to learn more, being too competetivecompetitive can lead to anxiety and stress due to perfectionism. This trend might give them a feeling that they are nitherneither enough nor competent. On the other side, despite ofthe good effects that collaboration can provide for people, which contributes to their well-being, they might finally find it exhausting and monotonous. So I feel that competition can provoke inscentivesincentives to work harder, but should be limited to evoid harmfullavoid harmful consequences. In cunclusionconclusion, Notnot only can competion creatcompetition create an environment wherethat stimulates individuals' motivation, but it can also allow them to recievereceive valuable complementcompliments for their achievmentsachievements. On balance, I would claim that both sides are true in different ways. Because because having teamwork skills areis as essential as being competetivecompetitive in terms of having a healthier community.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
There has been an argument between two groups of people. Some of them belive that being copetetive ether at work or school can bring numerous benefits for people, while others feel that collabiration are far important than being in an environment where everyone tries to stand out.
There has been an argument between two groups of people. Some believe that being competitive, whether at work or school, can bring numerous benefits, while others feel that collaboration is far more important than being in an environment where everyone tries to stand out.
On the one hand, it is said that competition can enormesly provide multitud of advantages for individuals in their daily lives. As they make an effort to foster their knowledge and skills in their area of expertise. It is believed that in these kind of enviroments many thrive to read more books, enroll in different curses or follow tutorials that are available on online sites to boost their information. in order to surpass from their counterparts. Furthermore, this trend helps them be more motivated. Usually people who are recognised as the best recieve complimention from others which can posirively contribut to their self-confidence.
On the one hand, it is said that competition can enormously provide a multitude of advantages for individuals in their daily lives. As they make an effort to enhance their knowledge and skills in their area of expertise, it is believed that in these kinds of environments, many strive to read more books, enroll in different courses, or follow tutorials available on online platforms to boost their understanding in order to surpass their counterparts. Furthermore, this trend helps them become more motivated. Usually, people who are recognized as the best receive compliments from others, which can positively contribute to their self-confidence.
On the other hand, advocaters of cooporation beleive that working as a team is more vitial than being the best person. They feel that resourcful people who have a wealth of knowledge can share their data with others so as to help them become sucsessful. To them, being the best one is nowhere near as satisfaction as witnessing others growth. The more people achieve their goals, the more they become gratfull. Moreover, it will be created an atmosphere that every one feel safe as there is enough space to become better and better without being under pressure of judgment or feeling of inefficient.
On the other hand, advocates of cooperation believe that working as a team is more vital than being the best individual. They feel that resourceful people who possess a wealth of knowledge can share their insights with others to help them become successful. For them, being the best is nowhere near as satisfying as witnessing the growth of others. The more people achieve their goals, the more grateful they become. Moreover, it creates an atmosphere where everyone feels safe, as there is enough space to improve without the pressure of judgment or feelings of inadequacy.
Personally, I think that both being competetive and cooperative are crutial but under certain circumstances. Although being a person who aimed to become the best in their experties can be beneficial as they tend to learn more, being too competetive can lead to anxiety and stress due to perfectionism. This trend might give them a feeling that they are nither enough nor competent. On the other side, despite of good effects that collaboration can provide for people which contributes to their well-being, they might finally find it exhausting and monotonous. So I feel that competition can provoke inscentives to work harder,but should be limited to evoid harmfull consequences.
Personally, I think that both competitiveness and cooperation are crucial but under certain circumstances. Although being a person who aims to become the best in their field can be beneficial, as they tend to learn more, being overly competitive can lead to anxiety and stress due to perfectionism. This trend might instill a feeling that they are neither enough nor competent. On the other hand, despite the positive effects that collaboration can provide for individuals, which contribute to their well-being, they might eventually find it exhausting and monotonous. Therefore, I feel that competition can stimulate incentives to work harder but should be limited to avoid harmful consequences.
In cunclusion, Not only can competion creat an environment where stimulates individuals motivation, but it can also allow them to recieve valuable complement for their achievments. On balance, I would claim that both sides are true in different ways. Because having teamwork skills are as essential as being competetive in terms of having a healthier community.
In conclusion, not only can competition create an environment that stimulates individuals' motivation, but it can also allow them to receive valuable recognition for their achievements. On balance, I would argue that both sides hold truth in different ways, as having teamwork skills is as essential as being competitive in terms of fostering a healthier community.
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Overall Band Score
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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on competition and cooperation. It also provides a personal opinion, which is essential for this type of essay.
  • Development of Ideas: The essay presents arguments for both competition and cooperation, but the ideas could be more thoroughly developed. For instance, examples or evidence supporting the benefits of competition and cooperation would strengthen the arguments.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the discussion. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, using linking words or phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs would enhance the flow.
  • Cohesion: Some sentences are disjointed, and the use of cohesive devices is limited. Improving the use of conjunctions and transitional phrases would help in making the essay more cohesive.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., "copetetive," "collabiration," "enormesly," "multitud," "enviroments," "complimention," "posirively," "advocaters," "cooporation," "vitial," "resourcful," "sucsessful," "gratfull," "crutial," "experties," "inscentives," "evoid," "harmfull," "cunclusion," "creat," "complement," "competetive"). These errors can detract from the overall impression of the essay.
  • Word Choice: Some word choices are inappropriate or awkward (e.g., "enormesly provide multitud of advantages," "posirively contribut"). More precise and varied vocabulary would improve the essay.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentences, but there are frequent grammatical errors that affect clarity (e.g., "it is said that competition can enormesly provide multitud of advantages," "it will be created an atmosphere that every one feel safe").
  • Grammar: There are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement, verb tense, and article usage. These errors can obscure meaning and should be addressed to improve clarity and coherence.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Expand Ideas: Provide more detailed examples or evidence to support the arguments for both competition and cooperation.
  2. Improve Cohesion: Use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
  3. Enhance Vocabulary: Work on expanding vocabulary and correcting spelling errors to improve lexical resource.
  4. Address Grammatical Errors: Focus on correcting grammatical mistakes, particularly in subject-verb agreement, verb tense, and article usage.
  5. Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to catch and correct spelling and grammatical errors.

By addressing these areas, the essay can be significantly improved in terms of clarity, coherence, and overall effectiveness.