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Question: In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
itIt is claimed that life expectencyexpectancy has increased nowadays and some people believe this can be problematic for governments regarding the expenses; however, the pros of the elderly population for the sake of society exceed the disadvantages widely. On the one hand, the critics of this approach point out to the additional costs that aging populations bring about to governments. With the growing number of older people, the subsequent health problems are inevitable. Governments are allocating huge budgets to tackle medical issues of the elderly, as it is their responsibility. Furthermore, old people are not efficient enough for daily work duodue to a lack of their physical and mental potential and they are less likely to help with the economic progress. As a result, they are considered as a burden to governments. On the other hand, there are numerous advantages aboutto living with anthe elderly regarding personal and social scales. Firstly, old people such as grandparents are essential for family foundations; so that they can strengthen their emotional bonds. For example, grandchildren tend to visit their grandparents on a weekly basis and this would result in a greater connection between all members of a family. In addition, taking care of anthe elderly may provide many job opportunities duodue to the demand offor better medical support that these people need. For instance, many people would pay considerable money to immigrants who are seeking for jobs to look after their elderly. To conclude, there are opposing ideas about whether ageingthe aging population is challenging for governments or they are beneficial to society,; this essay firmly agrees with the latter statement.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
it is claimed that life expectency has increased nowadays and some people believe this can be problematic for governments regarding the expenses; however, the pros of elderly population for the sake of society exceed the disadvantages widely.
It is claimed that life expectancy has increased in recent years, and some people believe this can pose challenges for governments regarding expenses. However, the advantages of an elderly population for society far outweigh the disadvantages.
On the one hand, the critics of this approach point out to the additional costs that aging populations bring about to governments. With the growing number of older people, the subsequent health problems are inevitable. Governments are allocating huge budgets to tackle medical issues of the elderly, as it is their responsibility. Furthermore, old people are not efficient enough for daily work duo to lack of their physical and mental potential and they are less likely to help with the economic progress. As a result, they are considered as a burden to governments.
On the one hand, critics of this perspective point to the additional costs that aging populations impose on governments. With the growing number of older individuals, subsequent health problems are inevitable. Governments are allocating substantial budgets to address the medical needs of the elderly, as it is their responsibility. Furthermore, older individuals may not be as efficient in the workforce due to a decline in their physical and mental capabilities, making them less likely to contribute to economic progress. As a result, they are often viewed as a burden on government resources.
On the other hand, there are numerous advantages about living with an elderly regarding personal and social scales. Firstly, old people such as grandparents are essential for family foundations; so that they can strengthen their emotional bonds. For example, grandchildren tend to visit their grandparents on a weekly basis and this would result in a greater connection between all members of a family. In addition, taking care of an elderly may provide many job opportunities duo to the demand of better medical support that these people need. For instance, many people would pay considerable money to immigrants who are seeking for jobs to look after their elderly.
On the other hand, there are numerous advantages to having an elderly population from both personal and social perspectives. Firstly, older individuals, such as grandparents, are essential to family dynamics, as they can strengthen emotional bonds. For example, grandchildren often visit their grandparents regularly, fostering a greater connection among all family members. Additionally, caring for the elderly can create many job opportunities due to the increasing demand for better medical support that these individuals require. For instance, many families are willing to pay significant amounts to immigrants seeking employment to assist in caring for their elderly relatives.
To conclude, there are opposing ideas whether ageing population is challenging for governments or they are beneficial to society, this essay firmly agrees with the latter statement.
In conclusion, while there are opposing views on whether an aging population presents challenges for governments or benefits society, this essay firmly supports the latter perspective.
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Overall Band Score
6.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
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Linking Words
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Grammar Accuracy
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Grammar Range
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Cohesion
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Task Response
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While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • Strengths: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of an aging population. It provides a clear position that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
  • Areas for Improvement: The essay could benefit from more specific examples or data to support the claims made, particularly in the section discussing the advantages of an aging population. This would strengthen the argument and provide a more balanced view.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Strengths: The essay is generally well-organized, with clear paragraphs that separate different points of discussion. The use of linking words such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" helps in contrasting the two perspectives.
  • Areas for Improvement: The conclusion could be more developed. It currently restates the position but does not summarize the key points discussed in the essay. Additionally, transitions between sentences within paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the flow of ideas.

Lexical Resource

  • Strengths: The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as "life expectancy," "emotional bonds," and "economic progress."
  • Areas for Improvement: There are some minor spelling errors, such as "expectency" (should be "expectancy") and "duo" (should be "due"). Additionally, the essay could benefit from more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition and to express ideas more precisely.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Strengths: The essay demonstrates a good command of basic sentence structures and uses complex sentences effectively.
  • Areas for Improvement: There are a few grammatical errors, such as "it is claimed that life expectency has increased nowadays" (should be "It is claimed that life expectancy has increased in recent times"). Attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage would improve the grammatical accuracy.

Overall Impression

The essay presents a clear argument and is generally well-structured. To enhance the quality, it would benefit from more specific examples, improved transitions, and careful proofreading to correct minor errors. With these improvements, the essay would more effectively convey the advantages and disadvantages of an aging population.