Writing evaluation result for: In many countries, people are moving from rural areas to urban areas. What are the... - Balang

Question: In many countries, people are moving from rural areas to urban areas. What are the reasons...

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Nowadays an increasing number of people choose to relocate from rural areaareas in order to live in big cities. In this essay the primary causes, such as more job opportunities and high-quality schools and universities.,, will be discussed. The vital effects of this occurrence, including pollution and deforestation, will also be analyzed. One cause of urbanization is that people are provided with more job positionpositions due to a higher number of corporations. As a result, if they move to these cities, they will have a greater chance of being hired, as well as getting competitive salaries. For example, investors are passionate about investing money in modern cities by starting a business about businesses in technology, health, and services. In addition, parents tend to bring their offspringsoffspring to big cities where citizens are provided with better education. Hence, they are more likely to not only achieve greater educational results, but also find a job with a competitive salary in the future. One negative effect of this trend is the contamination as a result of human activities. In other words, as the industrial zones expand, the amount of harmful gases released tointo the environment will rise significantly, which results in a higher number of people suffering from fatal illnesses. Another detrimental impact of this occurrence is the loss of green space as governments and business owners tend to construct commercial and residential buildings in these regions. For instance, woodlands are replaced with skyscrapers and multi-story shopping malls in big cities to meet the needs of an increasing population, without paying attention to potential adverse effects. In conclusion, the most important factors of rapid urbanization are a higher chance of employment and a high-quality education system, whereas it leads to polluted air and destruction of the natural environment.

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Overall Band Score

6.5

Overview

Vocabulary Range

average

Linking Words

average

Spelling

strong

Grammar Accuracy

average

Grammar Range

average

Cohesion

average

Paragraph Structure

strong

Task Response

strong

Word Count

sufficient

While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Task Response: You address both parts of the prompt clearly, presenting relevant reasons (jobs, education) and problems (pollution, deforestation/loss of green space). Ideas are extended with explanations and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively.

Coherence & Cohesion: The structure is logical with clear paragraphing. Linking words (As a result, In addition, For instance, In other words) are used well, though some are mechanical ("One cause... One negative effect"). Referencing is generally good.

Lexical Resource: You use some strong collocations (urbanization, competitive salaries, industrial zones expand, fatal illnesses, detrimental impact). However, there are errors in word form/choice: "job position" (positions), "offsprings" (offspring – uncountable), "business about in technology" (business in technology), "contamination" (usually pollution for air), and "factors of" (factors driving/behind).

Grammatical Range & Accuracy: You attempt complex structures (conditionals, relative clauses, passive voice). Frequent errors include missing articles ("from **rural area," "in the modern cities"), prepositions ("due to higher number," "investing money in," "released into the environment"), and punctuation (the comma after "universities" in the intro is incorrect).

Key Improvements: Focus on article usage (a/an/the), preposition accuracy, and word formation (uncountable nouns like offspring). Proofread for punctuation in the introduction.