Writing evaluation result for: In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are spending more and more of... - Balang

Question: In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are spending more and more of their tim...

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In many countries of the world, children and adolescents are spending most of their time by being in at home. This may be driven by various parenting stylestyles, the new generationsgeneration's perspective or the effects of the technology era. Although the whole problem seems to be unsolvable, a few actions can be helpful. This essay will discuss the roots of the issue before suggesting some actions for solving it. There has been a remarkable change in parenting styles in compare compared to decades earlier. Every parent wants to keep their children away from making trouble in the streets. The fear of their children getting kidnapped or harmed plays a pivotal role in their decision -making. As they assume, by staying indoors, it is much easier to protect them than by being in expose exposed to numerusnumerous challenges in the streets. Moreover, children don’t have the tendency for goingto go out. After the experience of corona virusthe coronavirus and its effect on staying home, they are more intendedinclined to make new friends online rather than face to face. Technology has played a key role in this matter. For example, there were few options for solving boredom in the past, while in theserecent years, there are plenty of entertainmentsentertainment options provided for adolescents. If they had to call all of their neighbors for just playingto play football, nowadays, they just have to be online and they can play with their bestie in even kilometers far away. However, there are a few actions that can be donetaken for this issue. First of all, parents can play a key role in shifting their children's attitudeattitudes. They can set various rules for using less technology forin their spare timestime. BesideBesides that, they can let their children to do some outdoor activities or responsibilities. Actions like a simple grocery shop or buying a bread can be a good start. Authorities can create safe places for children to play any kind of sportssport or sign up for plenty of classes. Thus, we should consider that all this actionthese actions cannot be obligatory for children because it might have a negative result. Because of that, a community of their same age can be really helpful. To sum up, children are spending most of their time by just sitting in their homehomes. It might stem from various fears or the existence of technology. However, being involved in some minor responsibilities ofor activities outside the home can play a positive role.

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Overall Band Score

6

Overview

Vocabulary Range

average

Linking Words

average

Spelling

average

Grammar Accuracy

average

Grammar Range

average

Cohesion

average

Paragraph Structure

strong

Task Response

strong

Word Count

sufficient

While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Task Response: You address both causes (parental fear, technology, post-COVID habits) and solutions (parental rules, outdoor chores, community facilities). Ideas are relevant and extended with examples (online gaming, grocery shopping). The position is clear throughout.

Coherence & Cohesion: The essay follows a logical four-paragraph structure. Linking words are used (Moreover, However, For example, Thus), though some are mechanical or faulty ("Beside that", "Because of that"). Referencing is generally effective ("they," "this matter"). Paragraphing is sufficient.

Lexical Resource: You use some less common vocabulary (pivotal role, tendency, obligatory, stem from). However, frequent errors in word formation and collocation reduce precision: "by being in home" (at home), "in compare to" (compared to), "in expose to" (exposed to), "numerus" (numerous), "intended to" (inclined to), "bestie" (too informal), "plenty of classes" (a wide range of classes).

Grammatical Range & Accuracy: You attempt complex structures (conditionals, passive voice, relative clauses). However, error density is high: subject-verb agreement ("parenting style" → styles, "action cannot be" → actions cannot be), article usage ("the new generations perspective"), gerund/infinitive confusion ("let their children to do", "tendency for going"), and prepositions ("away from making trouble" → keep children from making trouble). Punctuation is occasionally faulty (comma splices).

Key Improvements:

Proofread for collocations/prepositions: compared to, exposed to, inclined to, keep someone from doing.
Grammar focus: Countable nouns (styles, actions), gerunds after let/make (let them do), and subject-verb agreement.
Tone: Avoid slang (bestie); use friends or peers.