Balang
  • Home
  • Speaking
  • Blog
lemon logo
Balang is committed to revolutionizing language learning, empowering individuals worldwide to achieve their aspirations through innovative technology and personalized education.
Terms of ServicePrivacy PolicyRefund Policy
Contact
Email
telegram logo
Telegram

Question: Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you t...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
Nowadays, Mostmost children turn to over using overusing smartphones. This can be because of our severe dependecy ofdependency on high -tech devices, as technology is growing. In my opinion, although relying too much on smartphones and other technological devices is harmful either for both children orand adults, having a balance in using these kinds of instruments can be useful. There are some negative points onto children's spending hours daily on smartphones. Firstly, a vast number of children are not able to manage their time and putmaintain a balance in their usage of smartphones. Therefore, they can not cannot concentrate on their lessons and, as a consequence, they get bad grades in their classes, and affect which affects their future prospects. For example, research findings show, that children who have a limitation on their hourhours of smartphone's usage benefit from higher grades in their lessons. Secondly, they can be manuplatedmanipulated by some adults who want to take advantagesadvantage of children, as connection and social media are vastly growing and there is no supervision onof most of them. If parents effectively monitor their children's usage of smartphones and the enternetinternet, these kindkinds of cases can be prohibitedprevented. Finally, using too much of phones leadleads to less physical activity and cause to causes a sedentary lifestyle and health problems for them. On the other hand, children's usage of smartphones can be highly beneficial. Children can take online courses and attend to them via their mobile phones. In the pandemic of COVID-19, teachers have thaughttaught lessons online and via smartphonesmartphones. Moreover, smartphones offer an opportunity for children to connect with their peers. They can improve their communication skills. Some useful social media, such as YouTube, you-tube provides provide a unique learning experience for children. Therefore, they can inhanceenhance their knowledge regarding a variety of fields of their interest, history, science, and gadgets. In conclusion, in my opinion, to maximisingmaximise the positive aspects of smartphone's usage in children, having balance, limitation, and monitoring are essential.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Nowadays, Most children turn to over using smartphones. This can because of our severe dependecy of high tech devices, as technology is growing. In my opinion, although relying too much on smartphones and other technological devices is harmful either for children or adults, having a balance in using these kinds of instruments can be useful.
Nowadays, most children tend to overuse smartphones. This can be attributed to our severe dependency on high-tech devices as technology continues to advance. In my opinion, although excessive reliance on smartphones and other technological devices is harmful for both children and adults, maintaining a balanced approach to using these tools can be beneficial.
There are some negative points on children's spending hours daily on smartphones. Firstly, a vast number of children are not able to manage their time and put a balance in their usage of smartphones. Therefore, they can not concentrate on their lessons and as a consequence they get bad grades in their classes and affect their future prospects. For example, research findings show, children who have a limitation on their hour of smartphone's usage benefit from higher grades in their lessons. Secondly, they can be manuplated by some adults who want to take advantages of children, as connection and social media are vastly growing and there is no supervision on most of them. If parents effectively monitor their children's usage of smartphones and the enternet, these kind of cases can be prohibited. Finally, using too much of phones lead to less physical activity and cause to a sedentary lifestyle and health problems for them.
There are several negative aspects associated with children spending hours daily on smartphones. Firstly, many children struggle to manage their time effectively and find a balance in their smartphone usage. As a result, they may struggle to concentrate on their studies, leading to poor grades and negatively impacting their future prospects. For example, research findings indicate that children who have limits on their smartphone usage tend to achieve higher grades in their academic pursuits. Secondly, children can be manipulated by some adults who seek to exploit them, especially as social media and online connections proliferate without adequate supervision. If parents effectively monitor their children's smartphone usage and internet activity, such incidents can be mitigated. Finally, excessive phone use can lead to reduced physical activity, resulting in a sedentary lifestyle and associated health problems.
On the other hand, children's usage of smartphones can be highly beneficial. Children can take online courses and attend to them via their mobile phones. In the pandemic of COVID-19 teachers have thaught lessons online and via smartphone. Moreover, smartphones offer an opportunity for children to connect with their peers. They can improve their communication skills. Some useful social media, such as, you-tube provides a unique learning experience for children. Therefore, they can inhance their knowledge regarding variety fields of their interest, history, science, and gadgets.
On the other hand, children's use of smartphones can be highly beneficial. They can access online courses and participate in them via their mobile phones. During the COVID-19 pandemic, teachers conducted lessons online, utilizing smartphones as a vital educational tool. Moreover, smartphones provide children with opportunities to connect with their peers, thereby enhancing their communication skills. Useful social media platforms, such as YouTube, offer unique learning experiences, allowing children to expand their knowledge in various fields of interest, including history, science, and technology.
In conclusion, in my opinion, to maximising positive aspects of smartphone's usage in children, having balance, limitation, and monitoring are essential.
In conclusion, to maximize the positive aspects of smartphone usage among children, it is essential to establish balance, set limitations, and implement effective monitoring.
See more samples for this topic
Check your essay for this topic
Overall Band Score
5.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
Loading
Linking Words
Loading
Spelling
Loading
Grammar Accuracy
Loading
Grammar Range
Loading
Cohesion
Loading
Paragraph Structure
Loading
Task Response
Loading
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback

Task Achievement

  • Addressing the Prompt: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing why children spend hours on smartphones and evaluating whether this is a positive or negative development. However, the reasons for children spending so much time on smartphones could be elaborated further. The essay could benefit from more specific examples or studies to support the claims made.
  • Position: The writer's position is clear, advocating for a balanced approach to smartphone usage among children. However, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the key points more effectively.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each dealing with a specific aspect of the issue. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from negative to positive aspects could be more clearly signposted.
  • Cohesion: Some sentences could be better connected. For example, the transition from discussing the negative impacts to the potential benefits of smartphone use could be more fluid. Using linking words and phrases would enhance the flow of the essay.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrases, such as "turn to over using" and "manuplated." More precise language and varied vocabulary would improve the essay.
  • Spelling and Word Choice: There are several spelling errors, such as "dependecy," "manuplated," "enternet," and "inhance." Careful proofreading is needed to correct these mistakes.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentences, but some sentences are awkwardly constructed or contain grammatical errors. For example, "This can because of our severe dependecy of high tech devices" is grammatically incorrect.
  • Grammar: There are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect prepositions. For instance, "cause to a sedentary lifestyle" should be "cause a sedentary lifestyle."

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Expand on Reasons: Provide more detailed reasons why children spend so much time on smartphones, possibly including social, educational, or entertainment factors.
  2. Improve Transitions: Use linking words to improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas.
  3. Enhance Vocabulary: Use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling and word choice.
  4. Proofread for Grammar: Carefully proofread the essay to correct grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures.
  5. Strengthen Conclusion: Summarize the main points more effectively in the conclusion to reinforce the argument.

By addressing these areas, the essay would present a more coherent and compelling argument.