Question: Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. O...
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This passage is to discuss that in some people's point of view advertising has so many benefits to give motivation to individuals to purchasingpurchase things. While, others thingthink it is so ordinary that nobody is no longer attracted to advertising. In my opinion, advertising can always can make people to think about buying your product.Speaking of advertising, it depandsdepends on so many things. First of all, it depandsdepends on what products do you sell,; in fact, your products illustratesillustrate what kind of people are going to be your costumerscustomers.Nevertheless, it can put you in a hot watterwater. For example, if you sell some stufsstuff that areis associated towith either cars or machines, you can not selling cannot sellthis to households. So, with the aim of having a successful advertising, you have to depict your products in some kind of car exhibitions.Secondly, not only ismust it must be interesting, but also, it must also elaborate on your products as well as what they are; however, discribingdescribing needs an aroma of knowlagesknowledge and researchsresearch. As a side note, we can see a lot of advertising on the internet or television,; if we focus on details, we can see most of them are made with dramatic paintspaint that can motivate viewerviewers to purchasingpurchase their peoductsproducts such as Coca cola-Cola. FinalyFinally, it is noticeable that advertising costs money a lot of money, and inat some points, wasteful spending on it can lead you to belly up, so spending money in order to have good repercosionsrepercussions is notable. For instance, had iI had a clothing business, iI would have spent around 40% of my income on advertising, and iI would have been aware of spending neightherneither top dollar nor worthless advertising.In sum upsummary, although iI entirely agree with people thatwho are saying about the advantages of advertising in order to sellingsell things, iI partly agree with the others who say it has no longer paypays attention.
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Task Response
Addressing the Prompt: The essay addresses both views regarding the effectiveness of advertising, which is a positive aspect. However, the discussion could be more balanced. The essay leans more towards supporting the effectiveness of advertising without equally exploring the opposing view.
Development of Ideas: The ideas presented are relevant but could be developed further. For instance, the essay could include more examples or evidence to support the claim that advertising is effective or ineffective.
Conclusion: The conclusion is present but could be more definitive. It should clearly summarize the main points discussed and provide a strong final opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organization: The essay is organized into paragraphs, which is good. However, the transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. For example, the transition from discussing the type of products to the cost of advertising is abrupt.
Cohesion: Use of cohesive devices (e.g., "first of all," "secondly," "for example") is noted, but they could be used more effectively to enhance the flow of the essay.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary: The vocabulary used is appropriate but somewhat limited. There are some errors in word choice and spelling (e.g., "depands" should be "depends," "stufs" should be "stuff," "discribing" should be "describing").
Variety: Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and effectively.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence Structure: The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentences, which is good. However, there are several grammatical errors that need attention (e.g., "it depands on what products do you sell" should be "it depends on what products you sell").
Punctuation and Capitalization: There are issues with punctuation and capitalization (e.g., "Finaly" should be "Finally," "i" should be "I").
Verb Tense and Agreement: Ensure subject-verb agreement and correct use of tenses (e.g., "advertising always can make people to think" should be "advertising can always make people think").
Suggestions for Improvement
Balance the Discussion: Provide a more balanced discussion by equally exploring both views with supporting examples or evidence.
Enhance Coherence: Improve the flow of the essay by using more effective transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
Expand Vocabulary: Work on expanding your vocabulary to express ideas more clearly and accurately.
Proofread for Errors: Carefully proofread your essay to correct grammatical, spelling, and punctuation errors.
By addressing these areas, the essay can be improved to better meet the IELTS writing criteria.