Question: In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all ov...
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It is certainly true that in most countries, individuals are now purchasing meals from different states in the malls. In my opinion, the merits of this casesituation are more than its demerits.
On the one hand, there can be a number of drawbacks ofto buying varying food made around the world. Firstly, there is a possibility that the quality of those dishes is unacceptable. What I mean by this is that while the products are inspected before they are brought to supermarkets, they are likely to lose their caloriesnutrients and deteriorate in quality over time as well as ultimately, become unhealthy. For instance, according to researchesresearch, approximately 20% of people in Uzbekistan are suffering from various diseases due to consuming meals produced in other countries. Secondly, the import of food to a state might be a causative factor in the failuredecline of sales of local food centerscentres. To be more precise, consumers can be crazy aboutenamoured with the dishes of other countries and more and less oftenbuy local food.
On the other hand, some individuals, including me, feel that there are several benefits ofto consuming food made abroad. Firstly, their unique and tasty flavourflavours can be enjoyed and eaten more by local people. This will undoubtedly be a great source of income for businessmen engaged in foreign food trade. Secondly, local grocers whose sales are failing can create new innovations and novelties, namely, new types of food products and recipes in order to riseincrease the number of customers again.
To conclude, I strongly believe that the downsides of bringing foreign food into malls can be dominatedoutweighed by its advantages, like such as making a huge contribution to the country's stock market and motivating local entrepreneurs.
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Task Achievement
Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of buying food produced worldwide. However, the conclusion could be more explicitly linked to the prompt by clearly stating whether the development is overall positive or negative.
Position: Your position is clear, as you state that the merits outweigh the demerits. However, it would be beneficial to reinforce this stance in the conclusion with a more definitive statement.
Examples and Support: You provide examples, such as the situation in Uzbekistan, to support your points. However, the example could be more detailed to strengthen your argument. Additionally, more specific examples or data could enhance the argument about the benefits.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organization: The essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs for each point. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, using linking words like "Moreover," "Furthermore," or "In addition" can help guide the reader through your arguments.
Cohesion: Some sentences could be better connected. For example, the transition from discussing the drawbacks to the benefits could be more fluid. Consider using phrases like "Despite these drawbacks" or "On the contrary" to improve cohesion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary: The vocabulary is generally appropriate, but there are some awkward phrases, such as "purchasing meals from different states in the malls." Consider using "buying food from various countries in supermarkets" for clarity.
Variety: While there is some variety in word choice, further diversification of vocabulary could enhance the essay. Try to use synonyms or more precise terms to avoid repetition.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence Structure: The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentences, which is good. However, some sentences are awkwardly constructed, such as "more and less buy local food." This could be rephrased for clarity.
Grammar: There are minor grammatical errors, such as "rise the number of customers" which should be "increase the number of customers." Pay attention to verb forms and prepositions to improve accuracy.
Suggestions for Improvement
Clarify Your Position: Make sure your conclusion clearly states whether you view the development as positive or negative overall.
Enhance Examples: Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments.
Improve Transitions: Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
Refine Vocabulary: Use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure word choices are precise and appropriate.
Check Grammar: Review your essay for grammatical errors, particularly in verb forms and sentence structure.
By addressing these areas, your essay will be more coherent, persuasive, and aligned with the IELTS writing criteria.