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Question: Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subj...

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People have different points of view about molti-tasking,multitasking; while some people think that students should consentratconcentrate on their professions, others believe, that if students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects, we should let them do this. I reckon studying extra majors would benefitebenefit the students, so I'm agree with the second group. On the one hand, studying many different fields could end into disassterin disaster. AdditionalyAdditionally, when a student starts to learn different subjects, he or she will loseslose his or her attention to the main subject,; as a result, they will losewaste their time for studying an unrealeventirrelevant subject, or even lose their money for submitingsubmitting to the field. However, studying a spescificspecific major would helpshelp the students to be more serious forabout their future career opourtunitiesopportunities, as they know it's their only chance, so they will try more for gettingharder to get higher scores or doingdo more resarchesresearch rather than waistingwaste time for finding extra different lessons. My aunt, who is now 36 years old, had done did the same thing. When she was in the last year of economyseconomics, she just decided to change her major. EventhoughEven though she changed it, but she waswasn'ntt satisfied with her new major tooeither, so she changed it again, at; in the end, she never got the chance for finishingto finish a specieficspecific field and she faced miscarriagedifficulties. On the other hand, those who have knowledge about different subjects are more hopefull tohopeful about the future. For instance, a student who knows different sciences has more options to choose from for future jobjobs. In contrast, inon some occasions, if they failefail in a particular job, they won't be succumbed. Asdiscouraged, as they have other chances to try to. Another positive point is that they can have many jobs in the future at the same time,; for example, in my country nowadays, due to some reccesionsrecessions, it's necessary to have two or three jobs. AndThey will also they will have a potentstrong personality againstwhen facing problems, as they have learntlearned to handle different things at the same time. In conclusion, I assume the positive points of studying extra subjects are moregreater than the negative points of it. Although there is a possibility of losing money, time, attention, ect. But etc., there is aalso the possibility of being hopefullhopeful and openmindedopen-minded and also having a strong personality.
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People have different points of view about molti-tasking, while some people think that students should consentrat on their professions, others believe, if students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects, we should let them do this. I reckon studying extra majors would benefite the students, so I'm agree with the second group.
People have different points of view about multitasking. While some believe that students should concentrate solely on their main subjects, others argue that if students wish to learn about additional subjects, they should be allowed to do so. I believe that studying extra majors would benefit students, so I align myself with the second group.
On the one hand, studying many different fields could end into disasster. Additionaly, when a student starts to learn different subjects, he or she will loses his or her attention to the main subject, as a result, they will lose their time for studying an unrealevent subject, or even lose their money for submiting to the field. However, studying a spescific major would helps the students to be more serious for their future career opourtunities as they know it's their only chance, so they will try more for getting higher scores or doing more resarches rather than waisting time for finding extra different lessons. My aunt, who is now 36 years old had done the same thing. When she was in the last year of economys, she just decided to change her major. Eventhough she changed it but she was'nt satisfied with her new major too so she changed it again, at the end she never got the chance for finishing a speciefic field and she faced miscarriage.
On the one hand, studying multiple fields can lead to disaster. Additionally, when a student begins to learn different subjects, they may lose focus on their primary area of study. As a result, they could waste time on an irrelevant subject or even incur unnecessary expenses related to switching fields. However, focusing on a specific major can help students take their future career opportunities more seriously, as they understand that it is their only chance. Consequently, they are likely to strive for higher scores and engage in more research rather than wasting time exploring unrelated lessons. For instance, my aunt, who is now 36 years old, experienced this firsthand. When she was in her final year of studying economics, she decided to change her major. Although she switched, she was not satisfied with her new choice either, leading her to change it again. Ultimately, she never completed a specific field of study and faced significant challenges as a result.
On the other hand, those who have knowledge about different subjects are more hopefull to the future. For instance, a student who knows different sciences has more options to choose for future job. In contrast, in some occasions if they faile in particular job, they won't be succumbed. As they have other chances to try to. Another positive point is that they can have many jobs in future at the same time, for example in my country nowadays, due to some reccesions it's necessary to have two or three jobs. And also they will have a potent personality against problems, as they have learnt to handle different things at the same time.
On the other hand, individuals with knowledge in various subjects tend to be more hopeful about the future. For example, a student who is well-versed in different sciences has more job options available to them. In contrast, if they fail in a particular job, they are less likely to feel defeated, as they have other opportunities to pursue. Another advantage is that they can hold multiple jobs simultaneously. In my country, for instance, due to economic recessions, it has become necessary for many people to juggle two or three jobs. Furthermore, they develop a resilient personality, as they learn to manage various responsibilities at the same time.
In conclusion, I assume positive points of studying extra subjects are more than negative points of it. Although there is a possibility of losing money, time, attention, ect. But there is a possibility of being hopefull and openminded and also having strong personality.
In conclusion, I believe that the positive aspects of studying extra subjects outweigh the negative ones. Although there is a risk of losing money, time, and focus, the potential benefits of being hopeful, open-minded, and developing a strong personality are significant.
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Task Response

  • Addressing the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether university students should focus solely on their main subjects or explore additional subjects. The writer provides their opinion, aligning with the view that studying extra subjects is beneficial.
  • Development of Ideas: The essay presents arguments for both sides, but the development of ideas could be more balanced. The second viewpoint, which the writer supports, is not as thoroughly developed as the first. Providing more examples or elaborating on the benefits of studying additional subjects could strengthen the argument.
  • Conclusion: The conclusion summarizes the writer's stance but could be more definitive. It would be beneficial to restate the main reasons supporting the opinion more clearly.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is organized into paragraphs that each address a specific point. However, the transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. Using linking words and phrases would help improve the flow of the essay.
  • Cohesion: Some sentences and ideas are not well-connected, which affects the overall coherence. For instance, the anecdote about the writer's aunt could be better integrated into the argument to illustrate the point more effectively.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., "molti-tasking," "consentrat," "benefite," "disasster," "unrealevent," "spescific," "opourtunities," "waisting," "economys," "speciefic," "miscarriage," "hopefull," "faile," "succumbed," "reccesions," "potent," "ect."). These errors can distract the reader and affect the clarity of the essay.
  • Word Choice: Some word choices are inappropriate or awkward (e.g., "potent personality," "miscarriage" instead of "failure"). More precise vocabulary would enhance the clarity and impact of the arguments.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Grammar: The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., "he or she will loses"), incorrect verb forms (e.g., "I'm agree"), and sentence fragments. These errors can impede understanding and should be addressed.
  • Sentence Structure: The essay includes a mix of simple and complex sentences, but some sentences are overly long or convoluted, which can confuse the reader. Breaking down complex ideas into simpler sentences could improve readability.

Recommendations

  1. Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to correct spelling and grammatical errors.
  2. Balance and Development: Ensure both viewpoints are equally developed and supported with examples or evidence.
  3. Cohesion: Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
  4. Vocabulary: Expand vocabulary and ensure word choices are appropriate for the context.
  5. Clarity: Simplify complex sentences to enhance clarity and understanding.