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Question: It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their perso...

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It is crucial for people to be risk-seekers in terms of personal and professional aspects. While there are some undeniable drawbacks in taking risks, I think the merits of choosing risks are more considerable, which both of them will be discussed in the following essay. When people make risky decisions, they may face some problems in their practical and private aspects of their lives. Regarding making unexpected professional decisions, they may lose their positions ofat their current work if they want to change their career. For instance, if someone threatenthreatens his career life to change by changing his workplace suddenly, this person may find it difficult to find a well-paid job. In addition to this, if he or she cannot find his or her desired work, they find it difficult to return to their initial job. Moreover, when people decide to make a dangerous change in their personal lives and want to borrow a huge amount of money, they may not be able to run up huge debts because clearing debts requires managerial knowledge. However, people need to embrace risks in their lives to achieve itstheir benefits in their personal lives. Life without taking risks is boring to people, so if they do repetitive activities, they experience meaningless lives. On the contrary, a life with fluctuation enlightens people’s minds because the more actions they do, the more their brains process information. Consequently, they can make wiser decisions in different parts of their lives. Additionally, they are more experienced in different aspects of their lives, so they recognize that they enjoy having a sense of accomplishment, which results in sensing usefulness. Furthermore, when people prefer to experience risky lives, they will have more opportunityopportunities to become successful in their practical aspects of their lives. When people want to become successful in their studies, they need to avoid working for a long time, which is a risky decision, especially in the countries suffersuffering from economic issues, such as inflation. Nevertheless, when they become successful in their exams, they can makecreate bright futures for themselves. For example, Mohammad Reza Aref, who was a talented student at Tehran University, sacrificed his job in order to focus on the subjects of his university more deeply. His risky decision tookpaid off, and he could create educational prospects for himself as he could gain gained high marks, and could be was accepted inat Sharif University of Technology as a professor. Therefore, when people acceptsaccept risks, they will be able to become successful in their professional lives. In conclusion, with regard to decidedeciding in a risky manner, people may encounter some problems, namely job losses and facing complicated financial complicated situationsituations, while there are some benefits of making risky decisions, including climbing the educational ladder and enjoyment of liveslife. I believe that positive points have more weight than the negative ones.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
It is crucial for people to be risk-seekers in terms of personal and professional aspects. While there are some undeniable drawbacks in taking risks, I think merits of choosing risks are more considerable, which both of them will be discussed in the following essay.
It is crucial for individuals to embrace risk-taking in both their personal and professional lives. While there are undeniable drawbacks to taking risks, I believe the benefits of choosing to take risks are more significant. Both aspects will be discussed in the following essay.
When people make risky decisions, they may face some problems in their practical and private aspects of their lives. Regarding making unexpected professional decisions, they may lose their positions of their current work if they want to change their career. For instance, if someone threaten his career life to change his workplace suddenly, this person may find it difficult to find a well-paid job. In addition to this, if he or she cannot find his or her desired work, they find it difficult to return to their initial job. Moreover, when people decide to make a dangerous change in their personal lives and want to borrow a huge amount of money, they may not be able to run up huge debts because clearing debts requires managerial knowledge.
When people make risky decisions, they may encounter challenges in both their professional and personal lives. For instance, making unexpected career changes can lead to job loss if one decides to switch fields. If someone jeopardizes their career by abruptly changing workplaces, they may find it difficult to secure a well-paying job. Furthermore, if they are unable to find their desired position, returning to their previous job may prove challenging. Additionally, when individuals opt for risky changes in their personal lives, such as borrowing a substantial amount of money, they may struggle with accumulating significant debt, as managing debt requires financial acumen.
However, people need to embrace risks in their lives to achieve its benefits in their personal lives. Life without taking risks is boring to people, so if they do repetitive activities, they experience meaningless lives. On the contrary, a life with fluctuation enlightens people’s minds because the more actions they do, the more their brains process information. Consequently, they can make wiser decisions in different parts of their lives. Additionally, they are more experienced in different aspects of their lives, so they recognize that they enjoy having a sense of accomplishment, which results in sensing usefulness.
However, embracing risks is essential for individuals to reap the benefits in their personal lives. A life devoid of risks can become monotonous; engaging in repetitive activities can lead to a sense of meaninglessness. In contrast, a life filled with fluctuations stimulates the mind, as the more experiences one has, the more information their brain processes. Consequently, individuals can make wiser decisions across various aspects of their lives. Moreover, they gain valuable experience, which fosters a sense of accomplishment and enhances their overall sense of purpose.
Furthermore, when people prefer to experience risky lives, they will have more opportunity to become successful in their practical aspects of their lives. When people want to become successful in their studies, they need to avoid working for a long time, which is a risky decision, especially in the countries suffer from economic issues, such as inflation. Nevertheless, when they become successful in their exams, they can make bright futures for themselves. For example, Mohammad Reza Aref who was a talented student at Tehran University, sacrificed his job in order to focus on the subjects of his university more deeply. His risky decision took off, and he could create educational prospects for himself as he could gain high marks, and could be accepted in Sharif University of Technology as a professor. Therefore, when people accepts risks, they will be able to become successful in their professional lives.
Furthermore, those who choose to lead riskier lives often find greater opportunities for success in their professional endeavors. For example, students aiming for academic success may need to take the risk of not working long hours, particularly in countries facing economic challenges such as inflation. Nevertheless, if they succeed in their studies, they can pave the way for bright futures. A notable example is Mohammad Reza Aref, a talented student at Tehran University, who sacrificed his job to focus more deeply on his university subjects. His risky decision paid off, allowing him to achieve high marks and secure a position as a professor at Sharif University of Technology. Thus, when individuals accept risks, they enhance their chances of success in their professional lives.
In conclusion, with regard to decide in a risky manner, people may encounter some problems, namely job losses and facing financial complicated situation, while there are some benefits of making risky decisions, including climbing educational ladder and enjoyment of lives. I believe that positive points have more weight than the negative ones.
In conclusion, while making risky decisions can lead to challenges such as job loss and financial complications, there are significant benefits, including academic advancement and a more fulfilling life. I believe that the positive aspects outweigh the negative ones.
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Overall Band Score
6.5
Overview
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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks in personal and professional lives. However, the thesis statement could be clearer. Instead of saying "merits of choosing risks are more considerable," it would be more effective to explicitly state that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
  • Examples and Support: The essay provides examples to support the points made, such as the example of Mohammad Reza Aref. However, the examples could be more varied and detailed to strengthen the argument further.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition from discussing personal risks to professional risks could be more seamless.
  • Cohesive Devices: The use of cohesive devices is present but could be improved. Phrases like "on the contrary" and "nevertheless" are used, but more varied linking words and phrases could enhance the flow of the essay.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrases. For example, "threaten his career life" should be "risk his career." Additionally, "sensing usefulness" could be rephrased to "feeling a sense of purpose."
  • Word Choice: Some word choices are not entirely appropriate, such as "practical aspects" which could be replaced with "professional aspects."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay includes a variety of sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, "if someone threaten his career life" should be "if someone threatens his career."
  • Grammar: There are issues with subject-verb agreement and pronoun usage, such as "they find it difficult to return to their initial job" which should be "he or she may find it difficult to return to their initial job."

Overall Impression

The essay presents a balanced discussion of the topic, with a clear inclination towards the advantages of taking risks. To improve, the essay should focus on refining the thesis statement, enhancing coherence with better transitions, and correcting grammatical errors. Additionally, providing more varied and detailed examples would strengthen the argument.