Question: It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their perso...
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It is crucial for people to be risk-seekers in terms of personal and professional aspects. While there are some undeniable drawbacks in taking risks, I think the merits of choosing risks are more considerable, which both of them will be discussed in the following essay.
When people make risky decisions, they may face some problems in their practical and private aspects of their lives. Regarding making unexpected professional decisions, they may lose their positions ofat their current work if they want to change their career. For instance, if someone threatenthreatens his career life to change by changinghis workplace suddenly, this person may find it difficult to find a well-paid job. In addition to this, if he or she cannot find his or her desired work, they find it difficult to return to their initial job. Moreover, when people decide to make a dangerous change in their personal lives and want to borrow a huge amount of money, they may not be able to run up huge debts because clearing debts requires managerial knowledge.
However, people need to embrace risks in their lives to achieve itstheir benefits in their personal lives. Life without taking risks is boring to people, so if they do repetitive activities, they experience meaningless lives. On the contrary, a life with fluctuation enlightens people’s minds because the more actions they do, the more their brains process information. Consequently, they can make wiser decisions in different parts of their lives. Additionally, they are more experienced in different aspects of their lives, so they recognize that they enjoy having a sense of accomplishment, which results in sensing usefulness.
Furthermore, when people prefer to experience risky lives, they will have more opportunityopportunities to become successful in their practical aspects of their lives. When people want to become successful in their studies, they need to avoid working for a long time, which is a risky decision, especially in the countries suffersuffering from economic issues, such as inflation. Nevertheless, when they become successful in their exams, they can makecreate bright futures for themselves. For example, Mohammad Reza Aref, who was a talented student at Tehran University, sacrificed his job in order to focus on the subjects of his university more deeply. His risky decision tookpaid off, and he could create educational prospects for himself as he could gain gainedhigh marks, and could be wasaccepted inat Sharif University of Technology as a professor. Therefore, when people acceptsaccept risks, they will be able to become successful in their professional lives.
In conclusion, with regard to decidedeciding in a risky manner, people may encounter some problems, namely job losses and facing complicated financial complicated situationsituations, while there are some benefits of making risky decisions, including climbing the educational ladder and enjoyment of liveslife. I believe that positive points have more weight than the negative ones.
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Task Achievement
Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks in personal and professional lives. However, the thesis statement could be clearer. Instead of saying "merits of choosing risks are more considerable," it would be more effective to explicitly state that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Examples and Support: The essay provides examples to support the points made, such as the example of Mohammad Reza Aref. However, the examples could be more varied and detailed to strengthen the argument further.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition from discussing personal risks to professional risks could be more seamless.
Cohesive Devices: The use of cohesive devices is present but could be improved. Phrases like "on the contrary" and "nevertheless" are used, but more varied linking words and phrases could enhance the flow of the essay.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrases. For example, "threaten his career life" should be "risk his career." Additionally, "sensing usefulness" could be rephrased to "feeling a sense of purpose."
Word Choice: Some word choices are not entirely appropriate, such as "practical aspects" which could be replaced with "professional aspects."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence Structure: The essay includes a variety of sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, "if someone threaten his career life" should be "if someone threatens his career."
Grammar: There are issues with subject-verb agreement and pronoun usage, such as "they find it difficult to return to their initial job" which should be "he or she may find it difficult to return to their initial job."
Overall Impression
The essay presents a balanced discussion of the topic, with a clear inclination towards the advantages of taking risks. To improve, the essay should focus on refining the thesis statement, enhancing coherence with better transitions, and correcting grammatical errors. Additionally, providing more varied and detailed examples would strengthen the argument.