Question: It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future.
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Saving money for the future is perceived as a crucial measure for young adults to take. I agree with this notion, because they need to guaranteeensure a safe future for themselves, and be prepared for unforeseen events. First and foremost, young people have a long journey, and it is vital to be prepared for any unfortunate issues in the future. Tomorrow is full of mystery, and people need to assureensure that they can overcome any obstacle that comes in their way. For example, with the emergence of Covid-19, many were made redundant. As a resultsresult, those unemployed underwent a tremendous stress to provide the basic necessities for their lives, when there was no job for them. Hence, tactful people do not rely solely on their monthly paycheck, and try to be prepared for the future by putting some money aside.Moreover, young people need to guaranteeensure their own future, or their family’s. It is wise to invest money to achieve bigger dreams, like owning a land, or running their own business. Striving and desiring more are intertwined in our nature,; therefore, individuals are supposed to be farsighted. However, people need to be present in the moment, and enjoy their lives as much as they can, being. Being concerned about the future and preparing does not mean taking their time and youth for granted, and becomebecoming anxious all the time. In conclusion, although it is wise to live in the moment, I believe individuals are required to save money for their future, whether for unpredicted problems or simply for providing comfort for themselves."
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Task Achievement
Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of saving money for the future, particularly for young people. It provides a clear stance, agreeing with the statement.
Ideas and Examples: The essay presents relevant ideas, such as the need to prepare for unforeseen events and the importance of securing one's future. The example of Covid-19 is pertinent and illustrates the point effectively. However, the essay could benefit from more varied examples or elaboration on how saving can lead to achieving bigger dreams.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organization: The essay is organized into paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing unforeseen events to achieving dreams could be more clearly linked.
Cohesive Devices: Some cohesive devices are used, such as "first and foremost" and "moreover," but there are instances where sentences could be better connected. For example, the sentence starting with "However, people need to be present in the moment" could be better integrated into the paragraph to enhance flow.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary: The vocabulary used is appropriate and relevant to the topic. Words like "redundant," "necessities," and "farsighted" demonstrate a good range of vocabulary. However, there are minor errors, such as "a results" which should be "as a result."
Variety and Precision: While the vocabulary is generally precise, the essay could benefit from more varied expressions to avoid repetition, such as using synonyms for "future" or "prepared."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence Structure: The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentences, which is good. However, some sentences are lengthy and could be broken down for clarity, such as the sentence starting with "For example, with the emergence of Covid-19."
Grammar and Punctuation: There are a few grammatical errors, such as "become anxious all the time" which could be rephrased for clarity. Punctuation errors, like missing spaces after periods, should be corrected to improve readability.
Overall Impression
The essay effectively argues in favor of saving money for the future, providing relevant points and examples. To enhance the response, consider improving the coherence between ideas, expanding on examples, and addressing minor grammatical and punctuation errors. This will help in presenting a more polished and cohesive argument.