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Question: Some people think that competition at work, at school, and in daily life is a good thing. ...

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While some contend that competition is beneficial in different areas of one's life, others argue that cooperation should be prioritizedprioritised. Although I acknowledge the importance of the former approach, I have an inclination to gravitate towards the latter mentality. At individual and professional levels, competitionscompetition can bring about optimal benefits. Human beings are inherently looking forward to a lifestyle through which they can guarantee safety and avoid challenges. This approach, however, is in stark contrast withto the desire to develop and climb the career ladder. Therefore, in order to progress and surpass the genetically coded aspiration for convenience, a catalysercatalyst is needed. Competition is an exemplary catalyst, which can motivate individuals to step out of their comfort zone, walk through uncharted territories, and unleash potential, ultimately contributing to individual self-growth and companies' profit generation. Secondly, competition can motivate students to accomplish a lot during their school years. It motivatesencourages children to work harder and bring aboutout their optimal potential through standardizedstandardised exams in order to secure a place of popularity among their peers. These trials can be really beneficial in the long term, as children learn to work diligently and foster a sense of resilience and patience, which serves them well during challenging times. However, the benefits of cooperation in finding thorough solutions and fostering invaluable skills among young individuals seem more profitablesignificant. As people learn to cooperate, they get a chance to observe a certain problem from various perspectives; each individual has their own mindset for resolving an issue, however, while cooperating, they consider their colleagues' viewpointviewpoints and can bring about a holistic solution that remedyremedies the situation more effectively. Moreover, teaching students to work with their peers can benefit them in various ways. For instance, they learn teamwork skills and how to address issues without letting conflicts overwhelm their conversations. These valuable skills will serve them well in their future jobs and shape well-rounded citizens who value other people's interests as well as themselvestheir own. In conclusion, I personally believe that the advantages of cooperation outweigh thatthose of competition.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
While some contend that competition is beneficial in different areas of one's life, others argue that cooperation should be prioritized. Although I acknowledge the importance of former approach, I have an inclination to gravitate towards the latter mentality.
While some contend that competition is beneficial in various areas of life, others argue that cooperation should be prioritized. Although I acknowledge the importance of the former approach, I am inclined to gravitate towards the latter mentality.
At individual and professional levels, competitions can bring about optimal benefits. Human beings are inherently looking forward to a lifestyle through which they can guarantee safety and avoid challenges. This approach, however, is in stark contrast with the desire to develop and climb the career ladder. Therefore, in order to progress and surpass the genetically coded aspiration for convenience, a catalyser is needed. Competition is an exemplary catalyst, which can motivate individuals to step out of their comfort zone, walk through uncharted territories, and unleash potential, ultimately contributing to individual self-growth and companies' profit generation. Secondly, competition can motivate students to accomplish a lot during their school years. It motivates children to work harder and bring about their optimal potential through standardized exams in order to secure a place of popularity among their peers. These trials can be really beneficial in the long term, as children learn to work diligently and foster a sense of resilience and patience, which serves them well during challenging times.
At both individual and professional levels, competition can yield significant benefits. Human beings inherently seek a lifestyle that guarantees safety and minimizes challenges. This desire, however, stands in stark contrast to the ambition to develop and climb the career ladder. Therefore, to progress and surpass the genetically coded aspiration for convenience, a catalyst is needed. Competition serves as an exemplary catalyst, motivating individuals to step out of their comfort zones, explore uncharted territories, and unleash their potential, ultimately contributing to personal growth and increased profitability for companies. Additionally, competition can inspire students to achieve remarkable accomplishments during their school years. It encourages children to work harder and reach their optimal potential through standardized exams, securing a place of recognition among their peers. These experiences can be highly beneficial in the long term, as children learn diligence, resilience, and patience—qualities that serve them well during challenging times.
However, the benefits of cooperation in finding thorough solutions and fostering invaluable skills among young individuals seem more profitable. As people learn to cooperate, they get a chance to observe a certain problem from various perspectives; each individual has their own mindset for resolving an issue, however, while cooperating, they consider their colleagues' viewpoint and can bring about a holistic solution that remedy the situation more effectively. Moreover, teaching students to work with their peers can benefit them in various ways. For instance, they learn teamwork skills and how to address issues without letting conflicts overwhelm their conversations. These valuable skills will serve them well in their future jobs and shape well-rounded citizens who value other people's interests as well as themselves.
However, the benefits of cooperation in finding comprehensive solutions and fostering invaluable skills among young individuals appear to be even more advantageous. As people learn to cooperate, they gain the opportunity to view problems from various perspectives; each individual brings their unique mindset to resolving an issue. By collaborating, they consider their colleagues' viewpoints and can develop holistic solutions that address the situation more effectively. Moreover, teaching students to work with their peers equips them with essential teamwork skills and the ability to navigate conflicts without allowing disagreements to overwhelm their discussions. These valuable skills will serve them well in their future careers and help shape well-rounded citizens who value the interests of others as well as their own.
In conclusion, I personally believe that the advantages of cooperation outweigh that of competition.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that the advantages of cooperation outweigh those of competition.
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Overall Band Score
7.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
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Linking Words
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Spelling
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Grammar Accuracy
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Grammar Range
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Cohesion
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Paragraph Structure
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Task Response
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Word Count
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While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Task Achievement

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both views on competition and cooperation. It provides a balanced discussion, presenting arguments for both sides before stating a clear personal opinion in favor of cooperation. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the writer's stance, reinforcing the argument made throughout the essay. However, the essay could benefit from more specific examples to support the points made, particularly in the sections discussing the benefits of competition and cooperation.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph logically follows the previous one, and the use of transitional phrases (e.g., "At individual and professional levels," "However," "Moreover") helps to guide the reader through the argument. The essay maintains a coherent structure, but the connection between some ideas could be strengthened with more explicit linking phrases or sentences to enhance the flow of the argument.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some sophisticated word choices such as "catalyser," "holistic solution," and "well-rounded citizens." The vocabulary is generally used accurately, although there are minor errors, such as "catalyser" (more commonly spelled "catalyst"). The writer could further enhance lexical resource by incorporating more varied expressions and idiomatic language to add depth to the argument.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

The essay displays a good command of grammatical structures, with complex sentences used effectively to convey nuanced ideas. There are minor grammatical errors, such as "the importance of former approach" (should be "the importance of the former approach") and "bring about a holistic solution that remedy" (should be "remedies"). These errors do not significantly impede understanding but should be addressed to improve accuracy.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Provide Specific Examples: Incorporate specific examples or case studies to support the arguments for both competition and cooperation. This will strengthen the essay's persuasiveness and provide concrete evidence for the claims made.

  2. Enhance Cohesion: Use more explicit linking phrases or sentences to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs, ensuring a seamless transition from one point to the next.

  3. Expand Lexical Range: Introduce more varied vocabulary and idiomatic expressions to enrich the essay's language and demonstrate a higher level of lexical proficiency.

  4. Address Minor Errors: Review and correct minor grammatical and lexical errors to enhance the overall accuracy and professionalism of the writing.

Overall, the essay presents a well-reasoned argument with a clear stance, but it could be further improved by incorporating more specific examples and refining language use.