Question: Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subj...

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Some students have demanded the addition of other subjects to their main courses, while others contend that they have to prioritizeprioritise their major-related subjects. Although I acknowledge the benefits of the former approach, I have an inclination towardtowards the latter group. Adding extracurricular subjects offers creativity and life balance. Firstly, studying other materials can open one's horizons and unlock doors into uncharted territories where individuals would be able to foster their innovation and creativity. These invaluable abilities can help individuals to stand apart from their peers and surpass them in professional settings. Take Steve Jobs, for instance; his insatiable curiosity encouraged him to attend calligraphy classes. This unrelated skill later became the primary motive for the distinguishable design of the iPhone's apps. Additionally, it is argued that doingengaging in artistic and sportive activities replenishes individuals' energy sources and lowers their heightened stress levellevels caused by the rigorous syllabus. These activities help individuals get away from the daily grind and focus on something less stressful for a while, ultimately encouraging a more balanced lifestyle. However, the lack of time and little value these unrelated subjects offer have constrained their addition to the university's curricula. Students' schedules are already condensed, and adding extra materials would only bring about negative impacts on their health and later economic achievement. Students have to manage studying and researching, along with attending lectures during their university years. Therefore, adding other subjects only demands extra work, ultimately necessitating students to lessen their sleeping hours and force them to abandon their leisure time activities. This unbalanced approach can cause anxiety and depression in the long run. Moreover, by shortening lecture times in order to make way for other subjects, professors are obliged to omit a significant portion of information. As a result, students will not getreceive an adequate education and will not be equipped with the essential skills demanded in professional settings. Hence, without the required skills, they will be forced to opt for jobs with lower incomes. In conclusion, the potential drawbacks of adding extra subjects outweigh itstheir benefits. Therefore, I am of the opinion that students should focus on their studies related to their qualifications.
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7.5
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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether university students should focus solely on their main subjects or include other subjects in their studies. The writer provides a clear opinion, favoring the latter approach.
  • Development of Ideas: The essay presents a well-developed argument for both sides. The examples, such as the reference to Steve Jobs, effectively illustrate the benefits of studying additional subjects. However, the essay could benefit from more specific examples or evidence to support the argument against adding extra subjects.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint, and a conclusion. Each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining a logical flow of ideas.
  • Cohesive Devices: The use of cohesive devices such as "Firstly," "Additionally," "However," and "Moreover" helps in guiding the reader through the argument. These transitions are used effectively to contrast and compare the different viewpoints.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with words like "creativity," "innovation," "replenishes," and "condensed." The vocabulary is appropriate for the topic and is used accurately.
  • Variety and Precision: While the vocabulary is varied, there is room for more precise language in some areas. For instance, instead of "unrelated subjects," terms like "non-core subjects" or "elective courses" could be used for clarity.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, which enhances readability.
  • Grammar and Punctuation: The grammar is generally accurate, with only minor errors that do not impede understanding. For example, "students have demanded" could be more accurately phrased as "some students advocate for the inclusion of."

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Expand on Examples: Provide more detailed examples or evidence to support the argument against including additional subjects, such as statistics or studies on student workload and stress.
  2. Enhance Vocabulary Precision: Use more precise terminology to describe the subjects and activities being discussed.
  3. Address Counterarguments: Consider addressing potential counterarguments to the preferred viewpoint to strengthen the essay's persuasiveness.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a balanced discussion of the topic. With slight improvements in vocabulary precision and example expansion, it could be even more compelling.